Chapter Eighteen (Is It Bright Where You Are?)

Missy was walking with Engel in the huge back yard of the house that her love had bought ...well, it didn't matter why he'd bought it originally, now it was theirs, from floor to ceiling. Jackson had let her decorate it however she wanted and she made sure to include plenty of things she knew he would like… turning it from a huge empty cold house to an inviting home for them both. The puppy kept wanting off leash, Engel was a bright boy and knew off leash meant he could run around like a doof if he wanted but right now it was training time. Missy's voice held a firm note in it as she spoke the commands in German. "Engel! Ruhig. Engel! Fuss." Telling him to hush, and heel. He gave her a little look but did just as she asked, walking just at her heel as they went around the yard. As they got toward the back door though he kept looking toward it and Missy had to stifle a smile as she knew what he was doing. He was hoping that Jackson would be coming out that door, because Daddy always had treats in his pocket and it was guaranteed he'd get to go see him. She chuckled and stopped, Engel looking up at her as she murmured. "Platz."

He laid down at her feet with a sigh, and she bent to ruffle the fur behind his ears. "Braver hund. Good dog." She crouched down and undid his leash with a click and he gave her a little yip before he got up and started running in circles in the middle of the yard while she watched him play. Her smile was softer than usual as she rubbed her hands over her tattooed arms, it wasn't cold like she'd gotten used to overseas or in Denver here in Florida but there was a bit of a chill from the ocean air and she should have worn her jacket. But instead of going in to get one, she just sort of plopped down on the ground, her butt making contact with the cold turf making her shiver again. She was thinking about a few things, her knees coming up so she could rest her cheek on them. She'd read Jax's blog the other night and he was right - she hated certain things, but it wasn't his fault. She actually wanted him to blog because it got all that poison out instead of letting it burn in his head and make things worse, but it hurt to see how he was hurting.


The coffee mug was warm against Jackson's palm, helping to banish some of the stiffness in his finger joints. His sigh was soft, more an exhalation and for once he was thankful that Missy was outside with the dog – he could see them through the window, watched her leading the dog around before she let him off the leash. He felt the hint of a smile tugging at the corners of his lips as he watched Missy sit down on the lawn, watching the wind whip her hair.

The terrible instrumental version of Coldplay's Paradise cut off mid-stream, replaced with a clipped Boston accent that came through with friendly enough tones, "Bradley, good morning! Sorry for the delay – busy time of year, after all. Sheila tells me that you want to make some amendments to your will."

"I do." He looked down at the pad on the table in front of him, at the chicken scratch ciphers he'd written. "Avery, I want Alyvia removed. Completely. She doesn't get a single thing. I don't even want her to be able to get her hands on the trust – when Christian turns eighteen, it goes to him," he paused, still watching Missy, "with whatever interest it's accrued, but only if he stays in school... that's easy enough to do, isn't it?"

"Of course," his lawyer replied, "quite simple. I can amend that today and fax the papers along for your approval. Is that all?"

"No." He lifted the coffee to his lips, taking a swallow, stalling long enough to make sure that he really wanted to do this. "I want to add a beneficiary... sole recipient of everything. Including the gym. If anything happens to me, ownership reverts to her, other than the 1% share that Serge has. My property. My money. My likeness... my name for publicity... all of it goes to her."

"Bradley, that's," Avery interjected, sounding more fatherly by the second, "do you really think that's wise? Listen, I'll draw up a prenuptial agreement instead. If you're honestly planning to ask this girl to marry you, you're going about it entirely wrong-"

"I never said I was asking her to marry me. Just make the changes to the will. That's all, okay?"

"I think you're making a terrible mistake. That girl-"

"Avery, just make the fucking changes – I'm leaving everything to that girl – her legal name is Missy Mae Hughes. You've got her date of birth and social on the paperwork for the gym." He ended the call, letting his head hang for a few seconds, feeling the tension start to fade away now that he'd actually pulled the trigger on the changes.


Missy eyes burned a little and she pretended it was from the gust of wind that came to smack her in the face as the puppy yipped and barked, chasing a plastic bag that had blown in with it. Sometimes Missy wished that life could be more like a Disney movie… then she could be like a magic princess and her stupid tears could land on his skin and burn away all that darkness that every stupid person who'd hurt him since he was a kid had layered on with a brush thick with it, stickier than tar and just as hard to get rid of. A hard sigh escaped her lips, because she knew that real life was never that easy, and all she could do was just keep loving him with everything she had. It wasn't ever going to be easy, she knew that too - but Jax was hers, he was her 'one'. She'd known that the first time he'd kissed her, if she was being brutally honest with herself, because no one had ever stirred her like that, even if she spent all that time trying to deny it and putting it off on other things.

Romance. It was a big word, really but looking at all the little things he did… a tiny hint of a smile came to her lips even as her cheeks got wet. For someone that should be the last person on earth to be romantic? Jackson damn sure was, at least if you asked Missy. She smiled softly thinking of Christmas, their first together. They'd exchanged gifts of course, small tokens of affection - she'd done a seductive photoshoot just for him that he'd liked, and he gave her jewelry. The sort of jewelry you gave someone to get engaged if she thought about it, but the question wasn't a part of that. He still though had taken up calling her Mrs. Miss - she liked that. She'd devoted a couple of pages in her journal to scrawled signatures, Mrs. Jackson mostly and she was pretty sure he'd looked and seen those. She blushed, most of that journal was devoted to him in one way or another but he was just so much a part of her thoughts that it was natural for that to be so. She loved him, deeper and truer than she had ever thought she'd had it in her to love. Engel darted up and licked her face then, making her laugh - she must have had a sad expression, because the puppy seemed to always interject himself any time she did. She ruffled the fur around his ears, they were starting to stand up and give him that elegant German Shepherd profile, but he was puppy enough that they'd flop over and the looks he'd give her never failed to make her giggle.

"Good boy. Come on, let's go see what Daddy is doing." She pushed herself to her feet and gathered up the leash, turning to head to the house with a bemused look on her face.


Jackson was still sitting at the table in the breakfast nook, eyes still fixed on the empty back yard and the water beyond that when he heard the back door open and close. The jingle of Engel's tags filled the silence, accompanied by the skittering of paws on the floor before a wet nose nudged into his lap, finding its way into his left hand that had been resting on his thigh. "Nothing there, fella," he murmured, lifting his head just as Missy walked into the room.

"Hey baby." She smiled seeing him with Engel, he was such a good boy and how Jax was with him, was just precious. Missy surreptitiously lifted a hand to make sure there weren't any lingering tears on her face and then smiled again. "He's doing really good with his training, I bet he told you already, hmm?" She moved to get herself a cup of coffee, though she kept sneaking glances at Jax because she just couldn't help it and almost walked right into the counter. "Need a fill up?"

"Yeah, could do with a little more, I think." He forced a smile, moving to his feet even as he picked up the empty mug from the table, holding it out to her. The puppy danced around at his feet, eager for the treat he knew was coming but he ignored Engel for a second, his eyes fixed on Missy, picking up something in the way she carried herself. "Was watching you two out there while I was on the phone."

"You were?" Missy carefully poured the coffee for him even though her right hand wanted to tremble, managing not to spill a drop. She smiled at him, though to her it felt a little 'watery'. "He's a goof, he found a plastic bag and I'd have thought he got buried treasure instead." Her smile softened. "Hey… you know what? I love you. Was sort of thinking about that."

"Were you?" He chuckled, finally giving in to the puppy clamoring for his attention, shoving his right hand into his pocket before pulling out two bone-shaped biscuits. "Good boy," he said softly, holding out his hand long enough for the dog to snag both cookies before he bounded off under the table to enjoy them. "Any particular reason why?" The question came out gently enough as he walked over to her, leaning against the counter, "besides the obvious, of course."

Missy reached up with her left hand and touched his face, her smile getting softer again and her voice came out husky. "There's a lot of obvious, Mr. Jackson." She took a breath, looking in his eyes a moment before looking away. "Just a lot of things, really? I read your blog, and it made me think about a few things. You know, I never really thought that I could love anyone, right? You know why. But when it comes to you, none of that mattered. You just… swept it all away, and made me realize a lot of things. You did that. And I got to thinking, again… I know, I know. Just how lucky I was, that you were the one that contacted me. So, it was always you. And I don't know, really if you… if you get that?"

He sighed, looking away from her even as he wiped the crumbs from the dog treats on his jeans. "Maybe… I dunno… don't put a whole lot of stock into what I write there, okay? It's not a reflection of us… of anything you're doing wrong. You know that, don't you?"

Missy glanced back at him. "I know. I'm not… weak like that. I know it's nothing like… it's a poison in you, that other people injected in, and you have to get it out. Cut it out, pour that evil out on a page, whatever it takes. Because you can't let it fester. You never deserved that, but they… those idiots, did it anyway. I get that. Just…" shit. She hated that she could hear a hitch in her voice, but she couldn't hide it. "It's stupid. I was thinking, that I wished I could just wash that away, like some ...magic princess and that's bullshit. That's not life. Talk about unrealistic expectations, right? Happy endings don't just happen like that, you have to...fuck. There I go again. Look, Jax. I love you. However I get you. You want to think you're not the Prince, you're the Beast. But I'm not ...I want that. You. However you are."

"I don't really see myself as Beast," he replied, trying to make light of what she was saying. "I mean, if I'm going to cast myself in a fictional role, could I at least - aw hell, Miss." The look on her face wasn't changing one iota and now he felt like a giant asshole for putting that darkness inside her head. "I'm not a Prince, babe. I'm never gonna be one… or a hero… or whatever else belongs up on a pedestal. Don't, okay? I'm… this is what you get. Me. Broken. Headfucked… depressed… fuckin' halfway suicidal idiot who always makes the wrong choice. I'm the rat going after the cheese every time, even though I know I'm going to get zapped for it because I need that cheese. So…" he took a step back from her, picking up the cup of coffee before lifting it to his lips, creating some space. "Tell me this isn't a mistake, and I'll believe you. That's the bottom line, Miss."

Missy took a breath, then held it so she wouldn't yell. She glanced at her own coffee, then back at him, voice low. "Well then, Mr. Jackson. I'd have to say that statistically you're due a fucking break, and that it better come wrapped with an apology from the Universe with a big fat fucking gold bow on top. For fucks sake, right? You think I'm perfect or something, because I'm not. I'm nowhere near, I'm my own worst enemy and I used to… I used to put myself into position where I'd give the finger to fate just to see if this time it would go 'alright bitch, pushed me one too many' and right over I'd go. But…" She paused, trying to even out her breathing before her eyes narrowed. "You're not getting zapped this time, Mister because I'll kill the next person that tries hurting you like that. You… you're mine, Jax. All the glorious fucked up everything you are, you're mine… and I'm every bit yours, all of me. The awesome and the broken, I've given you everything I am. So, no. No, this isn't a mistake, and there's… there's no lines, dammit. None."

He stared at her for a good twenty seconds, not saying anything, not even able to form words past the ache in his chest. He hadn't meant to imply they were a mistake. The words had just spilled out from that dark place, the ultimate betrayal in the worst sort of way. "No lines at all." He echoed, reaching out for her with one hand while setting the coffee back on the counter with the other. He pulled her in close, wrapping his arms around her tightly. "You're mine. I believe in that, Miss, I do. I'm just… I'm fuckin' stupid. That's all it is. It's this month. I'll be okay if we can just make it to February."

She sighed and melted against him when he pulled her in, it was always that way with them. She never held herself back, never had from the very beginning and now she knew why. "Well then, we'll just be stupid together in our house with our doofy dog who's going to end up outweighing me, and be.. happy. Fuck them." She sighed soft. "We'll make it, because I say so. I'm a firm believer, in us."