November 7, 2014

The petite Canadian blonde known to the wrestling world as the Snarktopus sits in the middle of the floor in the gym she used to train at as a teen, atop one of the padded blue mats meant for tumbling practice. Her legs are folded into a perfect lotus position as she closes her eyes, breathing in and out deeply as though trying to find some calm center of zen. She’s failing miserably in that regard because she keeps opening her eyes slightly, trying to see across the space to spot the arrival of her training partner. She isn’t just anxious to get started-- she’s actually excited about the prospect of getting to train with someone as vastly talented as him again. Him, as you should have all figured out by now, was none other than her recent partner in what has been described as crime, Matt Stone. The Abominable Showman, in recent weeks, has been doing what he could with Nessa to ensure that the two of them would be successful in the upcoming tag team invitational, and watching her back as been just one of the many duties he has been providing. Entering the gym in downtown Toronto, Stone spots his partner on the floor and immediately flashes her a smirk, seeing her peeking out of her right eye. He approaches, dropping his gym back on the way and offering her a hand to help her up, eager to get started.

Matt: Well hello there, fine day for training, eh?

Nessa takes his hand, giving it a squeeze as she lets him pull her up to her feet. Arching her back, she stretches and then nods.

Nessa: Absolutely. Don’t tell anyone, but I stopped at Timmy’s on the way over and picked up a snack pack of Timbits-- just the little one. They were stocking the cherry-filled, if you want some.

Stone rolls his eyes, but smiles nonetheless.

Matt: Timbits? Under normal circumstances, I would scoff at my training partner eating such things before a big match, but in your case, adding a little mass wouldn’t be a bad thing

He winks at her as he he heads back over to his bag, opening it up and snatching his water bottle from within.

Matt: I’ll indulge after the work.

Nessa: Well, I skipped breakfast. And… dinner last night. I was so tired I just kinda passed right out and left Alex to fend for himself. It’s at least marginally better than a pint of ice cream, right?

Matt: I’m afraid we’ll have to get you in the mindset of setting your sights a little higher than ‘marginally’. You’re teaming with me now, not Mika.

He says the statement with a straight face, but the tone he uses is just dripping with contempt.

Matt: You’re a champion now, Nessa, and it’s my goal to double that. We can talk about your diet later, though, and focus more on a winning strategy right now. Me doing all the work won’t work every time.

He winks at her, trying to sound playful, but he’s still trying to get a serious point across. She tries not to bristle at the comment but can’t keep that flash of anger out of her eyes.

Nessa: Don’t you start, Matthew. I’ve had enough of that crap from the peanut gallery on Twitter to last me a lifetime. I’m running scared. I’m lazy. I’m cowardly. God, they just don’t get it and as much as I wish I could drill it into their heads, it’s just not happening. Sadly, the vast majority of our peers in this business are ludicrously myopic.

Matt: If I thought for even one second that you wouldn’t be able to hold up your end of the team, we wouldn’t be doing this Nessa. That should be all the assurance you need in that I have faith in you. Now if we can stop dwelling on the opinions of inferiors, we can get going, alright?

As difficult as it is for Matt to sound sincere, that came off as close as possible. The Pride Champion squares her shoulders, nodding.

Nessa: Of course. Like usual, I’ll follow your lead, sweetie.

Matt: So last time, we focused more on individual exercises, coordinating our attacks separately, being able to systematically destroy a limb or body part depending on our opponent, but this week, I think it’s best that we work on some tandem things. I’ve told you before Nessa that when you’re in that ring, you’re not only facing your opponent, you’re facing the referee as well, they are there to ensure that you can’t outsmart people as good as we would like. With me around, that becomes a more manageable task, and dancing around that Zebra can lead to some excellent opportunities in tag matches. Just think of a move you like to do, something that you feel you could pull off in a moment’s notice.

She considers his request, smirking as she does so.

Nessa: Probably one of my kicks. I learned those first, after all so they’re the sharpest weapons in my arsenal. The side kick… or maybe even the step-up enzuigiri? There’s a certain satisfaction in picturing my foot impacting with either of those two idiots’ faces.

Matt: Well, considering how easy it is to kick Misty in the face, not to mention satisfying, I think you and I should work on tandem crescent kicks, or drop kicks to start with. I took the liberty of bringing a dummy, of sorts, to train with. He’s just parking the car, don’t go easy on him, either, he’s a dime a dozen.

That trademark smirk of Nessa’s is in full force when she turns to look back at Stone.

Nessa: Ooooh, goody! You brought a friend!

She pauses, looking almost sheepish when she realizes that could be taken the wrong way.

Nessa: Not that I'm excited at the prospect of sharing your attention with someone else... it's just that we can get proper reaction times down with a real person and all. I was kinda enjoying the one-on-one training sessions we’ve had lately. I mean, look at how polished I’ve become in the ring-- it’s all thanks to you, Matthew.

He rose an eyebrow at her excitement, but decided to leave it alone.

Matt: I can’t take all the credit, you were already pretty sharp, I think it’s just the natural chemistry that we have that has lead to your recent improvement, I also wouldn’t consider him a friend, more like a sparring partner. Don’t expect anything too impressive from him, wouldn’t want to see that disappointed look on your face like when they were out of your ice cream last week.

She reaches out and gently punches him in the shoulder, trying deliberately to rock him.

Nessa: Don’t make me have to hurt you… I’ve got a giant can of whoop I can pop the tab on any time and--

She stops, pulling a face.

Nessa: Ugh. Did that sound as stupid to your ears as it did mine?

He nods

Matt: That sounded very unNessa of you. You usually respond with some snarky remark, not a threat of brute force. Though, I’ll suggest that when I walked in and offered you a hand to get up, that would have been the better time to strike, if you were to do so. Always capitalize on other’s weaknesses. Such as with you and ice cream.

He chuckles again as his student walks in the door, heading over to the two of them, but knowing well enough not to get too close to interrupt the conversation. Nessa glances in their direction, dismissing them almost immediately when she doesn’t recognize them.

Nessa: Stark and Stone have held tag team gold before. I’m not sure if you knew that or not… but they had a pretty good stranglehold on the division back in 2012 before losing to the Knights of Anarchy. It’s almost like the odds are being stacked against us from the get-go, don’t you think?

Matt: That’s one way of looking at it, the other way of looking at it is that they haven’t been relevant in two years. I’ll concede that Anders just recently was the Defiance champion, however you are a current champion, a far better situation t be in, if you ask me. As for Cara, I don’t need to tell you who the more solid Stone is, as it were. One on one, I feel that we have the edge, it’s the tag team experience that they have over us, but we didn’t enter this tournament to be handed a bye, we entered to show that in 2014, you and I having only just competed together once as a tag team, that we can dominate the tag team division in 2015.

Stone motions for the student to head over.

Matt: Get down on your knees.

The student does as he’s told, kneeling down on the mat as Stone turns to Nessa.

Matt: On my count, kick him in the head.

The Snarktopus nods, eyeing up the opposition and easily picturing the unknown stooge as Anders. They both had really stupid haircuts, after all.

Nessa: Ready when you are, sweetie.

Matt pulls out his cell from his pocket and fiddles around for a moment, getting ready to time Nessa’s kick.

Matt: Aaaaaaaaaand go!

She does, letting a hard kick rip right into the poor kid’s temple.

Nessa: BOOM GOES THE DYNAMITE!

Matt looks up, seemingly impressed.

Matt: I prefer kneel before Zod, but that works too. So the plus side is that we should be able to sync up our kicks rather easily for optimal efficiency, the bad news is, I think you knocked him out.

Matt nudges the poor kid with his foot, seeing if he’ll move on his own, which he doesn’t.

Nessa: They just don’t make punching bags the way they used to.

She lets out a theatrical sigh, shaking her head.

Nessa: We could always practice leg drops or stereo knees to the head or something while he’s down. Why waste such a golden opportunity?

Matt: Stereo leg drops aren’t really my thing, brother

He rolls his eyes as he heads around the kid, picking him up into a seated position, slapping his face to wake him up.

Matt: You’re pathetic, you know that, right?

Addressing the student, Matt picks him up to a standing position. Stone turns back to Nessa.

Matt: Do it again.

Smirking, Nessa does as she’s told but this time she pulls back the power just a teensy little bit.

Nessa: BAM SAID THE LADY!

It still rocks the kid and she turns her head towards Stone, almost beaming with pride. Stone nods in approval as he raises the kid into a sitting position, slapping the back of his head so he knows to stay to like. Stone then walks around to the back of Nessa, getting down low to watch her closely.

Matt: Okay, one more time.

The student’s face is one of sheer terror at this point, but he doesn’t say a word, simply closes his eyes and braces for contact as best he can without raising his arms. For the third time, Nessa unleashes the power of that limber and educated leg, snapping another kick into Stone’s poor student.

Nessa: BOOYAKAAAAA!

Stone stays in silence for a moment looking at Nessa as if in deep thought, then gets up and walks beside her, glancing down at the student who is holding his head as if it’s about to burst.

Matt: So I noticed that you keep your leg straight when you deliver the blow. If you curved your knee slightly right up to the moment of impact, it’ll provide just a tad bit more torque to really pack a punch, figuratively speaking. Here, let me show you.

Stone kicks the student’s foot and he slowly gets back up to a seated position, a welt has formed on his forehead which is, of course, ignored. Stone holds out his hand for Nessa’s right leg, grasping her thigh with his left leg and running his right down and over her knee, forcing her shin back just a bit.

Matt: So you want your leg to be like this, alright?

She’s very aware of how close he is to her as she nods.

Nessa: I… think I can manage this. You’ve been doing this longer than me, after all.

She lets out a soft laugh, staring at him for a second before nodding again.

Matt: Well I do enjoy kicking people in the head.

He winks up at her before realizing that he’s still holding her leg, immediately letting go and sliding back across the mat a bit for distance, looking to the student to avoid eye contact with Nessa.

Matt: Okay, give that a go.

She hesitates for a split second, almost as if she has to shake off what just happened before she unleashes another stiff kick along with a bloodcurdling, yodelling scream. The sound of the impact is louder than her shriek as the kid goes down like a ton of bricks. Beaming triumphantly, Nessa turns to her partner.

Nessa: Well? Was that better or worse?

Matt: That depends on who you ask, but it certainly looked better from over here. How did it feel to you?

He asks as he gets up and heads over to her, admiring her beaming expression, already sensing she got quite a thrill out of knocking that poor kid out.

Nessa: Felt good. Really, really good… like I’m the most powerful girl in the world.

Matt: Hyperbole notwithstanding, I think we accomplished what we needed to for now, we’ll have plenty of time to work on other things in the upcoming days, preferably with more sturdy opposition. Now I believe there was a promise of Timbits?

Stone reaches in his pocket and leaves a twenty dollar bill on the kid’s chest. Seeing a quizzical look on his partner’s face, Stone shrugs.

Matt: Cab fare, I’m not entirely heartless.

Nessa laughs, linking her arm through his as she rests her head against his shoulder for a split second.

Nessa: And that’s why I love you, Matthew-- it’s your big heart.

The words are her usual snark, uttered in that flippant tone.

Nessa: Yes, Timbits… and if you play your cards right, I might even treat you to a coffee as well.

Matt: A whole coffee? That’s gotta be like a Twoonie; you spoil me, Miss Wall.

Matt picks up his gym bag as they walk past it and head out the door, the kid still lying flat on his back from the earlier abuse. He lets out a soft groan that neither of the two members of Abominable Bitchsauce hear, let alone care about.