November 16, 2015

Losing the match meant nothing to him, it was merely a ploy from Kyle to try and squeeze out some ratings on the last show of the cycle before Ground Zero and he would get his hands on Harmony in due time, there wasn’t a rush. Throughout the entire time he was there, his mind was elsewhere, which was quite a jarring feeling for someone who was normally focused on the matter at hand. Try as he could, his mind was at this very hotel he was walking in, fitting as this is where his heart would have been just a few short months earlier. He wouldn’t have even been at Aggression if the events over this year had unfolded differently, but seeing as they did, he went and regretted it almost immediately. This is where he should have been, and it’s where he was now. After a brief conversation with the lady at the front desk, he got the pass card for the room to which he was headed and hit the button, waiting for the elevator. He pulled out his cell, scrolling through the contacts and stopping at M, clicking the name “Marshmallow” and writing out a quick text.

-Waiting in the lobby, be there soon-

A few seconds later, a reply arrived.

-Maybe bring a hazmat suit. You definitely don’t want to catch this -

-Shoot, I forgot to stop by the drycleaners. Oh well, I’ll take my chances-

He shot back the reply, getting on the elevator and hitting the floor number and watching the doors close. What he was going to do when he saw her, he didn’t know, he just felt that she needed someone, she needed him and he was going to be there for her. This was Nessa, after all, and despite everything else that happened with them, he wasn’t going to abandon her. The doors opened and he stepped off, checking his phone to see no reply, probably no reception in there. He got to the door, lifting the key, then second guessing himself, pulled out his phone again.

-Safe to enter?-

Two messages came through on the heels of each other, definitely the elevator blocking the first’s arrival.

-You’re a brave man, Matthew. Think that’s maybe what I admired most about you-

-I’m decent if that’s what you’re asking.-

A smile slowly spread upon his face as he read the messages, using the key now to open the door and walk through, taking a look around. Of course Nessa had splurged one of the nicer suites in the hotel - her credit card debt wasn’t much of a secret to those who knew her best. It had a nice living room with a plush couch in front of a gigantic television set and the table in front of it held the containers of soup that he had sent to her earlier in the day, both empty by the looks of it. The door that led into the bedroom was open, the soft sound of music drifting towards his ears from that direction. Walking in, he failed to spot her right away, calling out. “Nessa?” while waiting for a reply, he leaned against the wall, not wanting to venture in without her being there, she had the right to her privacy, whatever it was she was doing.

There was silence for a few seconds before a creak of hinges and she walked into view from the direction of the bathroom, dressed in a fluffy terry cloth robe that was miles too big on her. Her blonde hair was tied up in a messy ponytail, not a speck of makeup on her face but the smile that appeared there at the sight of him made her eyes light up better than anything else could have. “Matthew,” she paused for a second, the scratchiness in her voice telling him all he needed to know about how sick she really was, “hi.”

“Hi yourself.” He said, seeing her brought a smile to his own lips as well. “If I had known you were staying at the hotel for the giants, I would have stopped off at Gap Kids and bought you a more appropriate robe.” He said, approaching her, knowing how awful she must be feeling to have not put on makeup. “You should be in bed.” He said sternly, not giving her time to quip back at him.

“Oh, sweetie,” she paused at that nickname that just came out, blushing slightly, “I spent most of the day crashed out in bed. Since last night, really. As soon as I checked in, fresh from the airport, I was down for the count. Sorry I didn’t make more of an effort… took most of my energy to manage a shower when you said you were coming by so just use your imagination to pretend this is a Prada and I’ve got my best diamonds and pearls on.”

“I’m sure you did the best you could. Do something different with your hair?” He asked, trying to keep it light, taking her hand and bringing her over to the bed, at least she could sit down if she didn’t want to just pass out. He glanced around looking for medicine, whether it be pills, liquid, what have you, but didn’t see any. “You’re taking something, right? I can run out and grab something if you need it.”

“NyQuil and DayQuil combo pills didn’t work so I switched to the Aleve Cold and Sinus and they knocked me out for a good eight hours. They’re in the bathroom. Don’t worry… I’m medicated up the wazoo.” She gave his hand a gentle squeeze before releasing it only to sit down on the bed. “I meant to be there tonight. I really did and I’m sure my absence was noticed by our fearless leaders. No Christmas bonus for me, right?” She rolled her eyes. At least her snark was still there, if nothing else.

“I’m sure they’ll be lenient, after all Harmony didn’t really set a shining example by trying to infect the entire locker room. You’re far more responsible than she is.” As he spoke, he tried to keep a jovial tone, but just mentioning Harmony brought bitterness into his voice. He tried to hide it, of course, this wasn’t about her, this was about taking care of Nessa.

She heard that bitterness though and it made her sigh, averting her eyes. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry. This entire mess is my fault. If I hadn’t put out such a ‘damsel in distress’ vibe, she wouldn’t have had to don her Wonder Woman bustier and cape to play hero.” Looking back up at him, she couldn’t keep that note of sadness from her own voice. “After Ground Zero, maybe… maybe things will be better. When you beat her, she’ll back off. I’ve seen it before. She’ll earn a little respect for you, maybe and then…” she bit her lip, trailing off, realising how idiotic she sounded rambling away like some star-struck groupie.

“We’ll see,” he said quickly, getting a feeling of where she was going but not wanting to discuss it really in her current condition, but something was clawing at him with her language and he had to ask. “I still don’t really understand why you had a damsel in distress vibe, you know I would never hurt you, right?”

“NO!” The word burst out from her, the volume shocking her a bit more than him. “I mean… I would never in a million years think that. I’m sorry, my brain’s a little soupy. I guess I’m not really making much sense right now. Harmony sees me as… honestly? I think she’s got me on the same level as her little sister Faith. Like I need to be protected and she’s got you pegged as another monster like ‘The Main Event’ Matt Ford.” She rolled her eyes, disdain heavy in her voice. “Granted? He scared me… a lot. He pinned me up against a wall… yelled in my face because I dared to call him on his… well… you don’t really need to hear all the gruesome parts. I had bruises and she saw them so naturally now she thinks I’ve got this pattern of falling for abusive assholes. At least that’s the best I can figure it, since she did her best to convince me that you were the same sort of psychopath.”

“If she wants to see a psychopath, she’ll get her wish in a couple of weeks, you can be sure of that. But I didn’t come over here to discuss Harmony or the match, I came over here to make sure you’re okay.” He gives her a quick glance over, something he used to do all the time for a different reason entirely. “So at the risk of asking a stupid question, how are you?”

“Physically? Symptomatically?” She laughed softly. “Right now… I’m pretty much as dry as a box of Triscuits… which I suppose is far better than last night.” Her blue eyes locked on his, “but that’s not what you’re really asking me, is it?”

“Well, I do care about those things, of course, but no, that’s not what I was asking.” He confirmed her suspicions, making his way over to the mini fridge to get her a bottle of water, approaching her with it extended. “How are you holding up?”

“As good as can be expected,” she answered honestly, taking the bottle from him. “I lost my best friend, despite what Harmony thinks… despite what I always told Mikaela… that position belonged to you far more than it ever did to those two. But don’t worry, Matthew, I’m not going to read into this visit and assume you’re trying to sway me to be anything less than impartial.” She cracked the seal on the water and took a sip before patting the empty mattress beside her. “Join me - I’m getting a kink in my neck from looking up at you. I won’t bite and I promise I won’t breathe on you, let alone sneeze.”

“Of course you’ll be impartial, I never thought you’d be swayed from justice.” He adds as he sits down beside her, somewhat reluctantly at first. He wasn’t worried about catching what she had, that was never going to be on his mind, it was getting closer to her that he was worried about bringing up old feelings. He would have treasured this invitation months ago, and it was pretty similar circumstances that lead to their first kiss almost a year ago. Still, he couldn’t show that he was worried, so he simply smiled over to her. “You know, I’ve heard that one before.” He teased in regards to her promise.

“Honest,” she crossed her heart, trying to keep things light even though she was painfully aware of the distance he’d created even by where he’d chosen to sit. “Despite what you think of me, I’ve never once been dishonest with you.” She was quiet for a moment, fiddling with the lid of the water before finally putting it back on. “God, I’ve missed you so much. I know you really don’t want to hear that… but it’s true. That’s why I keep replying to you on Twitter. It’s not boredom or whatever else you keep trying to tell yourself. It’s just that… I can’t let go.”

“I’ve missed you too.” He says without thinking, which might have been for the best. There were a few things that came to mind to follow that up with, but he didn’t want to be hostile with her, she didn’t deserve to be talked down to right now. He let those pass, reaching out his hand on her knee. “I’m sorry for making you feel like you were anything less than the most important person in the world, and I’m sorry that I drove you into….his arms, it was certainly not my intent.” He stayed quiet after that, as if replaying the scene over and over in his head.

“Nothing happened.” She sighed, looking at his hand where it rested on her knee. “I haven’t been with anyone since you and if I’m being completely honest? Probably never again. I’ll just get four or five cats instead.” Slowly, she rested her hand over his, “and maybe this is for the best. Clearing the air before we have to go out there with cameras rolling while the idiots salivate, hoping for some Jerry Springer style drama. Between you and I… I’m giving some serious thought to hanging up my boots and just going back to full-time blogging.”

He breathed a sigh of relief when she said that nothing had happened, choosing to just believe her rather than question it further. He was content with thinking that was the case. “You’d make a cute crazy cat lady.” A genuine smile appeared on his face as he pictured the possibility. “As far as hanging up your boots? You’d be doing the world a great injustice to deny them your skills in the ring. Present condition aside, of course, you’re a great athlete Nessa and maybe without all these distractions, people pulling you in every which direction, you’ll be able to focus on what really matters: you.”

“Is that what really matters?” She let that question hang for a few seconds, wondering if he’d understand the subtext there. “Above all else? Am I really supposed to be that shallow… that impossibly vain after everything that’s happened here? What about you, Matthew? You’ve lost the passion you used to have. When you go out there, you’re… can I be honest with you? I mean completely, brutally honest?”

“Of course you can, though I reserve the right to blame it on your medication if I don’t like it.” He said with a smirk, trying to keep things light, not wanting her to get too down. Knowing her as well as he did, he knew she had a tendency to get too serious at times.

“This ‘Straight Shooter’ thing? Not a fan. At all.” She kept her tone light, matching his, but there was that undercurrent of honesty beneath. “It’s like you go out there now and there’s no joy. Sure, you’re still as clean and crisp and good as you always were, but it’s like watching a robot.” She paused for a second, biting her lip. “Did I do this to you?”

He thought for a second, making sure he knew what she was asking. “Well, if you’re asking if you sucked out all the joy in my life and swallowed it without gagging at all, I guess so.” He said honestly, not wanting to hurt her but having no other way to answer truthfully.

Even with the vulgar wording that would have normally made her laugh or crack a smile, the truth still hurt. A lot. “Well… I guess saying I’m sorry isn’t really going to cut it then, is it?” She looked away, picking at the little pills of fuzz on the blanket. “So, is that why you came here tonight? Figured you’d give me a little hope, dangle it with a few kind words so that you could snatch it from me, watch it fade away and call it some measure of revenge?”

“Is that what you think I came here for? Do I come across like I’m that petty, Nessa? So long as we’re being honest, I came here because I was concerned about you. Still am actually. I didn’t come here to dangle or to taunt you with anything, despite everything that’s happened, I haven’t stopped caring about you. You’re still very important to me and with these past few weeks, I was starting to get the impression that you felt the same. If I’m wrong about that…”

“If?” She lifted her head, staring at him and now it was obvious why she’d been so fixated on the bed covers because there were tears in her eyes. “Really, Matthew? If? I couldn’t have been any more obvious if I’d taken out a full page ad in the Toronto Sun in 72-point font that read Nessa Still Loves Matt…. and you’re going to throw an ‘if’ at me now?” She blinked and the tears spilled down her cheeks.

“Nessa, don’t cry,” he spoke softly, moving closer to her to try and comfort her, though if he was very good at listening and comforting they may never be in this situation in the first place. “I didn’t mean anything by it.” His backpedaling didn’t seem to be helping the situation. “Besides, you know I don’t subscribe to the Toronto Sun.” He added, trying to get her to smile, at least.

“Matthew… I can’t do this again. Every time you’re near me, I feel like my heart is going to break into a million pieces. I can’t keep lying to myself. We’re… we…” she faltered and for a moment it was almost like she was starting to stutter before it was very apparent what was about to happen and by then it was too late. She brought her hand up to shield her face, but it was a split second too late to block the dreaded sneeze.

Matt was watching her, trying to gauge where she was going with that thought. He had a feeling he knew what she was going to say, but before she could get it out, she trailed off and being close to an expert on this particular subject, he knew what was coming from her, he leaned back a bit from her, but he didn’t get up to run away or cower from her, he just sat there and when she was done, he spoke. “Bless you, you were saying?”

“We’re doomed to just keep hurting each other, over and over.” She said the words softly, shaking her head.

“I wouldn’t go that far Nessa, we have communication issues, I’ll grant you that, but doomed? That’s a little extreme don’t you think? I mean, we can work through anything, can’t we?”

“Matthew,” she sighed, sniffling. Of course now that she was crying, her nose was back to running. “I love you. I do. With all my heart. But I think maybe we need to be rational here. Maybe it’s not us. Maybe it’s this environment that’s made us toxic. Maybe it’s all those voices whispering and all those arms pulling us in different directions. I can’t answer that question because it’s…” she trailed off for a moment, trying to come up with the right thing to say even as her nose was tickling again but she tried to ignore it, needing to get those words out before she lost her nerve in saying them. “It’s unfair to even ask me something like that right now… not when you’re facing Harmony in less than two weeks… with me caught right in the middle.” And then, it burst out with a vengeance, surprising them both and showering Matt in the process, “HAAAAAAAAAACHOO!”

Funny how she said caught in the middle right before he was caught in the middle of a whopper sneeze from Nessa. He was able to keep cool the first time, but maybe she was right? Maybe they were doomed to just keep hurting each other. A bigger man would have been able to just laugh it off, she didn’t do that on purpose, right? Could he be sure? Getting up off the bed, he walked over to the end table that was beside the bed, grabbing the box of tissues that Nessa had been making good use of the last day and wiping himself off with a handful of them, tossing the rest of the box over near her, her shocked expression never leaving his gaze, not knowing what to say. “I think you should get some rest, you’ll be okay on your own, right?” He asks, already heading towards the door, leaving her other key on the desk on the way out. Walking out, he gets about two steps down the hall before he stops, leaning back against the wall, gently hitting his head backwards against it. He takes out his phone to text her again.

-Sorry, that wasn’t your fault and Nessa, I love you too-

He stays there for what seems like minutes, just staring at it, but he just can’t hit send, putting the phone back in his pocket and heading for the elevator instead.