INTERLUDE: Jimmy Ahchoos and Smarch Blues

"I refuse to believe this is a real thing." Matt protested as he and Nessa got out of the cab, heading into the Eaton Centre in downtown Toronto. Just days after relocating from Australia back to Canada, here he was being brought to a shopping mall because his future and former tag team partner Nessa Wall was quite adamant about getting matching shoes to show their camaraderie. To make it easier, he came dressed in jeans and his own T-Shirt, a Baltimore Ravens hoodie providing the warmth on this chilly March day. "Lousy Smarch weather, I just want to point out for the record that you're totally taking advantage of how jetlagged I am." Despite his protest, here he was holding the door open for her, ready to probably spend an hour, at least, looking at footwear with his now tag team partner and ex-girlfriend. If that didn't have lovely time written all over it, what did?

Nessa smirked, nodding despite her protest. "And what kinda person would I be if I took advantage?"

"Well, in theory you would be a manipulative little harlot that looks good in anything she wears, but I suppose that simply can't be true, right?"

She laughed, feigning an elbow thrown at his midsection while she walked into the mall, immediately taking a deep breath. "Ahh, smell that recycled air! Maybe if you're good I'll buy you an Orange Julius on the way out!"

"Oh boy, for true?!" He almost shouted, feigning a little too much excitement as he followed her into the mall, his eyes shifting away from her and looking around at all the stores...and ALL the people. This truly was Nessa's natural habitat.

She reached for his hand as though she sensed that discomfort, "c'mon. Nordstroms is having a sale."

"Well we best hurry then, wouldn't want to miss all the trampling." He followed along looking at the stores they had passed, seeing one that sold sporting-good items. "Hey, maybe after we get our matching shoes we can look for a tandem bike, that'll be the height of cool, right?"

"Do they still make those?" Nessa gaped at him, eyes wide. "Seems so nostalgic!"

"I wasn't being serious, Nessa. I hope you know that." He stopped when they neared their destination, seeing the word "sale" proudly displayed in a way that made it easily the most occupied kiosk in the entire mall. "Oh goodie…"

"I've got an extra thirty percent off today with my rewards card, too!" She was so giddy at the sight of that four-letter word.

"Well then we'd be foolish not to spend hundreds of dollars here to get the most value, right?" He asked facetiously, though the look in her eyes told him that she was probably thinking the same thing sincerely.

"I have to behave," she said it so softly that he almost didn't hear it over the clamouring of the other customers jostling past them. "The last thing I need is to rack up all sorts of debts again."

"I would argue that the last thing you need is another pair of shoes, but here we are." Not even a step into the store and he's already been nudged by three other people trying to get past. Yup, this was going to be a fun experience.

Nessa shook her head, laughing, "there are never too many shoes. Like technology, they're obsolete the moment they leave the store!"

"If that's the case, why would you buy them in the first place?" He asked, though figuring she couldn't hear him as she had dragged him past three rows, like the bloodhound on the trail for the missing person, she was a woman on a mission and seemed to know exactly where she wanted to go. What seemed like an eternity later but wasn't more than a minute and a half, they arrived in the crowded shoe section and Nessa immediately moved towards the rack marked 'clearance'.

"So how does this work, we just pick out a pair and go?" He asked, grabbing a white pair of sneakers of the rack. "I like these ones, we're done! That wasn't so hard."

"You haven't even tried them on!" Nessa protested, beckoning for him to follow her deeper into the narrow rows of racked shoe boxes. "There are always gems here. You have to look hard, but eventually you'll be rewarded!"

"Really, no one said anything about gems." He tried to sound excited, pulling down a nearby box and opening it. "Nope, just shoes in this one, maybe in the next one." Again, he repeated the process, grabbing a random box off the shelf and opening it. "Damn, shoes again. These gems are hard to find…"

"Oh, you… I meant treasures. Rare shoes. The perfect pair… the one that speaks to you on a deeper level." It wasn't really clear if she believed it or was just laying it on thick for his benefit as she started rummaging, pulling out all the boxes she could find in her size.

"You know what's odd?" He asks, turning his back on her and looking at the shoes on his side of the row. "The small shoes are at the top where the shorter people can't reach them and the bigger ones are down at the bottom where the larger people would have to get real cramped to grab them." He pulled a box down at about waist height. "I'm the perfect height for this, my size is right here."

"It's a conspiracy," Nessa muttered, straining on her tiptoes to get a box from the top shelf. "Totally trying to keep the short ones down."

"Actually Nessa, I believe you'll find that's gravity." He turned back to flash a smirk, just seeing her reaching for the top shelf. "Oh...you uhhh...want some help...or something." He was sounding slightly less coherent than normal more than likely caused by the view she was providing him.

She ignored him for a second, stretching higher, wiggling slightly as she tried to get that extra half inch of reach. "Damnit," she turned towards him, catching him in the act of ogling, "could you grab that one for me?"

He blushed a bit, relieved that she didn't bring up the ogling, walking over and grabbing the box she was asking for, handing it to her. "Your footwear, M'lady."

"Thank you, m'lord," she added it to the pile, "I promise once I've weeded out all the potentials, I'll figure out which ones deserve to go home with me today. Those white ones you grabbed were nice though."

"They are?" He asked, having not even given them a second look. "I'll take your word for it...so then are you looking for shoes that will match them? Or just something that'll bring out the natural glimmer in your eyes?"

"A little of both," she glanced at him, grinning. "It's a whole process."

"A whole process, got it." He looked around, noticing that Nessa had taken more shoes off the shelf she was in front of then what was actually left. "In this process, is there anything I can do to speed up this...uhh...I probably should think of a different word than process to go here, but I'm drawing a blank."

"Help me carry these boxes over to the chair? I need to start whittling them down." She already had a teetering tower of boxes taller than her head.

"Yeah, no problem." He offered, taking the tower that she was holding and walking it over to the chair she had motioned to with her head, finding it easier to take those than to get down and pick up the rest, with the added benefit of watching her bend down to gather them.

The rest were scooped up and she followed him over, bending down slowly to set them down next to the pile he'd left. Giggling like a schoolgirl, she sat down and started with the top box, revealing a pair of red Manolos. "Do you like these at all?"

It took him a few moments to realize she was asking him a question, his mind was still twenty seconds earlier where she was setting down the remaining boxes. "Hmm? Oh, yeah, they're great. I'm sure all the eyes will be drawn straight to your feet in those." He replied with a bit of a smirk.

She nodded, kicking off her current shoes before taking the left one out of the box. She slid it on her foot and immediately made a face. "Nope. Too pointy in the toe."

Matt nodded along, seeing her point, so to speak. "Yeah, you don't want that, speaking as someone who may have been kicked in the shin by a woman who wore a shoe not dissimilar to that one, it's not comfortable."

She put the shoe back in the box, setting it aside to start a 'reject' pile. The next box contained a glittery silver pair of strappy wedge heels and Nessa nodded in approval. "Oh, now see, these are great. Give me a few extra inches - totally necessary when I'm walking around with someone a foot taller than me."

He glanced down at the shoes that Nessa was looking at, they were alright by his standards, though he was starting to realize that he spent less time considering how he wanted his hair to look in the morning than she did thinking about what kind of shoe would be the best to wear. "If you say so, though if you asked me I would say you're perfect just the way you are." He didn't say it to be flattering or empathetic, it was just a fact he stated flatly.

She pulled the shoe free from the box, giving herself a face full of glitter in the process that sent her nose twitching. "And now I know why these are on sale," she quipped, dropping the box, swiping at her nose. Thankfully, she didn't sneeze.

He rose a eyebrow to her, more surprised to see glitter than anything else. "I wasn't aware we were looking for stripper shoes. I mean, I think you could be quite successful in that line of work, just not what I was expecting." He answered with a smirk, trying to ignore her sudden attention to her twitching nose, but unable to help himself. "You alright there?"

"Fine, fine." She snapped, feigning irritation. "No glitter. Duly noted."

"As long as we're ruling things out, can we ignore sandals or any sort of open toed shoe...or anything with rhinestones, while we're at it?" He asked playfully, knowing she wouldn't go for those anyway.

"Definitely. And anything stiletto," she replied, setting aside another box with a frown, creating a new teetering tower. "These ones are purple. How do you feel about purple?"

"I'm not inherently adverse to purple, though I would question the comparability with a purple and a white shoe, do they really compliment each other in a way that would ultimately be pleasing to the eye?" He shot back, trying to sound like he knew anything about matching colours in footwear.

"If we're representing the Raptors, maybe? Otherwise. Probably not so much. So next…" she looked up in annoyance as a woman with a shopping cart tried to shove past them. "Uh, excuse me… I'm trying on shoes here! How rude!"

"Eww, basketball." He said to himself as the lady approached them, trying to get by the small fortress of shoe boxes that Nessa had built for herself. "Just walk around, no need to touch any of these, these are all reserved until the lady has made up her mind." He instructed the woman who was eyeing a particular box in the pile. "Or until the store closes…" he added under his breath.

The look on Nessa's face was almost feral, like she was going to lunge at the woman and fight to the death over the little boxes but the moment passed as she flipped open the lid to reveal a pair of pale pink ones with chunky heels. "Ooooh, Matthew… look. They're my favourite," she pulled one from the box and held it up, realizing too late that they weren't pink at all but red suede that was completely matted with about a year's worth of dust. The dust puffed up in her face, bringing tears to her eyes and an all-too-familiar twitch to her nose. "Ahhhhhh…." the lead time was about three-point-two seconds before she unleashed the loudest sneeze of all time, "CHOOOOOOOOOOO!" The boxes toppled, the fort tumbling all around her. The box with the glittery shoes fell in her lap, glitter hitting her in the face before another sneeze burst forth, bedazzling everyone in the aisle.

Matt stood there in stunned silence, which was an impressive thing to do in it of itself, seeing the sheer destruction of the shoe fort she had all but barricaded herself in recently, about to make a quick quip before Nessa caught herself with glitter and unleashed the great glitter storm of 2017, catching his clothes, face and worst of all, his hair in the crossfire. After a brief pause, he wiped the substance away from his eyes, looking over at the petite blonde that never ceased to amaze with what she was capable of. "Bless you…" was all he managed to say, trying to keep a calm demeanour.

For a few seconds she sat in her own stunned silence, blue eyes wide as she surveyed the damage before leaning forward to gingerly pick a pair of white ones from the wreckage. "Oh look, I think I found a pair that matches."

"Thank God for small miracles." He replied, offering her a hand, despite his better judgment after having just seen what this gorgeous but dangerous woman is capable of, to help her up off the bench. "That wasn't so bad." He tried to add with a straight face and failed.

"Told you it wouldn't take long," Nessa replied, that epic sneezing fit all but forgotten as she stared down at her newfound treasure in a pair of Jimmy Choos. "You have to trust the system."

"I see…" he replied, looking at her, surprised that she was just going to ignore that whole thing, the glitter that she had seen fit to dose him in still sparkling in the lights of the store. "You'll forgive me for opting out in your future endeavours, then."

"Aww," she reached up, booping him on the nose, "but you look fantastic all covered in fairy dust."

"Careful now." He said, taking a step back playfully. "Wouldn't want any of this fairy dust to get caught up in your innocent little nose there...all the people in line and all that." He replied with a mischievous grin, a diabolical plan swirling in his head.

"I think I'm okay, honest." She was quick to assure him, expecting him to be more annoyed with her than he was.

"Are you sure?" He asked, looking around their immediate area for anything that could trigger another reaction from her. He had seen so many since getting together with her, there had to be something around that could induce his new plan.

"I'm sure," Nessa nodded, hoping she was actually telling the truth. Her eyes still felt itchy, her nose just a little stuffy now.

"Well damn." He muttered, still looking around as they got in line behind the thirteen other patrons that wanted to buy the shoes they had picked out. "It figures that the one time I actually want you to sneeze you're nowhere near one." He spoke as he looked back where they had come from, but it would take far too long to locate the one pair of shoes that really set her off moments ago.

"Why, Matthew… is that big brain of yours considering biological warfare to cut to the head of the line?" She laughed, "you're so sexy when you're evil."

"Well then get ready to find me irresistible...I just need to find the right way to do it. Assuming, of course, you're alright with the plan." He added that in to seem considerate, though before she even replied he resumed looking for a way to make it happen.

"Perfume… glitter… dust…. pollen," she started rattling off things that would set her off, trying to think of what they could find at the checkout, "check the impulse buy rack. I'm sure there's something."

"Wish my cat was here, he normally worked." He added to her ongoing tally of triggers though the list was far from complete. "I'll be right back." He offered, slinking off down the line to check out what was around, grabbing a few things and heading back to Nessa. "Okay, try this." He slid a "shoe freshener" under her nose to see if that would do anything, having a candle in his other hand to try that one next.

"Smells awful," she shook her head after taking a few healthy whiffs of it, "but nope." She pointed to her nose, "Samantha wasn't bothered."

He stopped for just a brief moment, confused at that comment before remembering Bewitched and smiling at the reference, moving the awful-smelling freshener from her and handing her the candle. "See if this does anything."

"Oh, gross. Lavender and gardenia?" She glanced at the other ladies waiting in line, "well here goes." She put it up to her nose, taking a deep breath in and holding it. "It doesn't even smell like," her nose twitched and she nodded, taking another deep breath in of the candle's scent. "Brace yourself," she whispered, preparing for a third sniffing for good measure. It did the trick, her nose quivering now as she pushed the candle back into his hands, turning towards the line before she unleashed the volley of sneezes. Three in a row, each louder than the last, spraying the remains of the glitter she still had on herself in the process.

He shrugged at her critiquing of the scents, not even knowing what they were to be honest, but when he heard her sniffing, he was pretty sure that it was going to work and her confirmation of it made him get back behind her just to be safe as Hurricane Samantha went through, several of the people who were ahead of them were startled and tried to leap out of the way once the first one passed right by them, allowing for Matt and Nessa, once she was back in control to get to the front of the line for a register, Nessa putting the shoes she wanted down beside Matt's as Stone watched on, almost impressed with the display and how well his plan worked. "This candle, too." He said, putting it down beside the shoes, an evil smirk on his face.

"We definitely need that," Nessa replied, her smirk matching his as she pulled a Kleenex from her back pocket, delicately dabbing at her nose, "it's absolutely perfect."