005: Can't Stop Laughing

There's a creak and a long sigh to start off the recording, that familiar soft-spoken and earnest voice of Lex Collins coming through the speakers without any video to accompany it.

"Last week, last Mane Event, I dropped your name. I brought it up 'cause I heard those throwaway remarks you had for me, Stone. I get it. You don't like me. Out of all the folks on the roster, you had to single me out – not a shock, really. We got that little bit of history, that spark of familiarity 'cause we were both in SVW for the blink of an eye. Your rise to fame was a bit more meteoric than mine. Your mouth has always been significantly louder an' maybe that's why you're settlin' in better in these parts. Maybe this place is tailor-made for a mouthy little shit like you. See, I'm still strugglin' to remember the steps to this dance I thought I had down pat years ago – like ridin' a bicycle, they say. It comes back."

He chuckles softly.

"It's clear you don't like me. I'm not losin' any sleep over that 'cause when I look back in the distance, there's all sorts of smoking rubble already. Burnin' bridges or maybe I'm just seein' the wavin' middle fingers as I flipped off places'at burned me an' people too. FTW, the first place I ever called home. The place'at put Lex Collins in global livin' rooms. Then there was PCW, iiW – this big alphabet soup amalgam that all bleeds together. Egos galore. That was easier. Oh yeah. The ego grows – so's the sense of entitlement. You owe me! I want opportunity on a silver platter! I DESERVE IT. Then there was SVW: the place I got sucked back into only to have to sit at the back of the line for almost a damned year 'fore my moment came. Another summit climbed, another little golden flag flappin' in the wind. I look behind me now, an' all I see's dust. The mountains I thought were the be-all/end-all of my universe reduced to nothing but little piles of sand. Gotta ask yourself if that's the definition of insanity or what?"

Lex sounds a little bitter.

"How'm I supposedta reconcile chasin' empty glory to the guy who spent two years tryna survive, throwin' fists in warehouses full of fish stink? That guy spent two years in the worst hell, diggin' in deeper with them 'cause he loved the thrill of the fight. It wasn't 'bout winnin' for that guy. Not really. See, it was about that validation, y'know? It was about gettin' up. It was about walkin' away while the other guy was on the floor still bleedin' out. No cameras. No crowds. Nobody forcin' you to talk. Was just 'bout two circles intersectin'. Was all about points of impact an' I was really fuckin' GOOD at that math. Could see the twitch seconds 'fore the throwdown an' I could just react, y'know? Absolute zen: a fight with purpose."

He chuckles again.

"An' you get that. I know you do 'cause you're a clever fella, ain'tcha? Back in 2012 I said I didn't give a fuck about wins an' they lost their minds on me, callin' me a liar 'cause of course I didn't care when they were all pilin' up on the good side in my wake. Nah. I didn't care 'cause the circles were still intersectin' the way they should – drawin' first blood, y'know? An' I got no idea when that flipped on me. Arguin' with feebs, fightin' wannabe heroes an' now, hey, here you are, Stone."

He sniffs disdainfully.

"We're talkin' here an' now: Lex Collins – the guy who can't talk versus the guy who never shuts up. I don't wanna play your game, Stone. White-hot rage is my sustenance right now an' your annoyin' bullshit fill me to the brim. I wanna burn you with the acid of my contempt. Wanna rearrange the furniture in your mouth an' I know you'll laugh it off. Just another guy who's pissed he can't hold a candle to the showstoppin' greatness of Matt Stone. You think you're better'n me?"

He snorts laughter.

"Nah, see, you're nothin' Stone. Insignificant. You're goin' down an' I can't stop laughin'. Kinda ironic, I suppose, since I'm not even remotely happy right now."

A beat.

"But hell, maybe turnin' your face into hamburger'll put a smile on mine. Never know 'til you try, right?"