Shoot 002: I'm Always Here

"Funny how it goes, ain't it? You think you got it all sussed out, this perfect little barrage of words, crafted just right to penetrate the defenses. Nock the arrow, pull back, let it go - only then do you see the flaws. It's bent the wrong way. Doesn't fly right. Won't carry you the distance - won't hold water. You go back over it, cringin' at the sound of your own voice ringin' out from the speakers, shame makin' your face burn ‘cause there are a million better ways to get that point across. Take a step back, face value, big picture an' now you see yourself through their eyes. You're ridiculous. Foolish."

There's crusted blood across the bridge of Lex's nose, shiny like it's been patched up with glue. He looks like he might be developing a shiner yet he does nothing to explain the damage.

"You came off like an egotist, this elitist prick puttin' on a show, pompous bullshit oozin' from every pore. I wanted you to see me, Shae. The fuckin' Cliff's Notes version of walkin' a mile in my shoes. Stupid, right?"

A sheepish laugh accompanies that crooked half-smile. "Social anxiety's a bitch. Struggled with that most of my adult life, y'know? An' maybe this tendency for self-censorship don't really make much sense to someone like you, someone with all the confidence in the world. Say it. Stand behind it. Fuckin' own it. Had all that drilled in my head so much it ain't even funny. Doesn't really curb that knee-jerk impulse to claw ‘em back ‘cause I went so long havin' people twist up everythin' I say. Silence speaks volumes. Sometimes."

A beat.

"Yeah, I'm still here. You get me, Shae. This time you get a real fight - guaran-damn-teed to be bloody and maybe you best let that sink in 'fore you step foot in the ring. In MY ring. It's my turn to dole out an education, trial by fire while I chase you into oblivion. And now you got me waxin' poetic like Trench-" he chuckles, "it's way past the point where you can say you got the touch, the power, some Matrix-style download of all the fight skills in the universe - don't give a fuck. Don't get me wrong - happy you found your niche. Really. Same token though? Didn't come here to wash out, to be a goddamned scapegoat for other people's bullshit. Came here to fight, Shae. More'n that. Hey Rabbit, I came to win. To overcome."

His eyes are dead black. Cold. "I know it's not allowed but sometimes it feels like nothin' is. All this judgment and condemnation - fuck."

He chuckles, "y'know what hype's short for, don't ya? Hyperbole - overblown, sleight-of-mind garbage - 'preciate if you don't throw your junk in my yard. Gonna keep it honest in the hopes that shit'll spread. Longevity. Fuckin' dedication to what I do, this continuous circuit of improvement, always pushin' - they know what I bring to the table an' I kinda resent your cavalier dismissal. Just 'cause my last hurrah went down without your input don't mean I've gone soft, forgot how to throw bricks. It don't mean I'm hanging up my boots."

Lex clears his throat and shakes his head. "You want a sure thing, Shae? I'm gonna throw everything I got at you. Gonna come in hard, come in fast, keep comin' until you fall down. I'm not goin' anywhere. You want something sure?  A promise? Happy to oblige: gonna send you packing to the hospital. Dislocate your shoulder, break your damn jaw. Whatever you wanna picture. Go nuts."

He shrugs.

"From Twitter, I got the impression you think you're clever. You tried baiting me. I love throwin' rocks, watching for the ripples. This' what I wanted: you to waste time with all these careful swipes to whittle an imagined ego. Don't spare my feelings. Tell me exactly how you feel. Slough off the doubts like dead skin but at least be honest. You don't hate me. You don't care about me. You just wanna beat what I represent - means to an end and another notch on the wall. Someone wants me gone. You want me to understand my spotlight time's over 'cause you're the next generation of asskickery. Better. Faster. Smarter. Like you were built in some lab or were raised on Themyscira. Getting warmer?"

A chuckle.

"I get it, Shae. I know that ego high intimately. I know the guilt that comes with it. But, I'm a million miles removed from the legend you probably think I believe I am. I'm not the best. You don't have to prove that. I know that. I've been at this shit for twelve years, give or take - not at that plateau yet. Which is why I know - definitively, Shae - there's no way in hell you're good enough to take me down. All the natural talent in the universe don't beat hard work, dedication, the rivers of blood an' sweat I've spilled in so many cities just to make it here. You want me to cut and run from this bullshit? You want me to lay down like a lamb for the slaughter? Nope. DREAM ON."

He winks, feigning sheepish. "I've got a better excuse for myself: I'm always here."

There's vehemence in his tone, words left deliberately vague. "I got the message. Dunno who sent it - not yet - message received an' summarily rejected. I don't puss out. I don't cut an' run when the place gets ugly. You don't scare me, Shae. That's why those seats in The Lair'll be full come the seventeenth. They wanna see a fight. They wanna see WRECKAGE. They wanna see me persevere, outlast, and systematically break you. I don't balk. Not now. Not ever."

The recording ends abruptly, offering the REPLAY and SUBSCRIBE buttons on opposite corners of the window.