Post by Admin on Jul 30, 2017 22:24:33 GMT -5
The song lyric floated up from his subconscious, dismissed as he made the wish, regardless.
Don't let it end.
His arms were burning, a twinge in his back as he stretched - this time it was the good kind of pain, the righteous and rewarding kind. He'd insisted on breaking out the axe, letting lose his frustrations on an inanimate object. The bruises were starting to fade. He'd finally been able to go without the tape on his ribs - no way he'd get into the ring without but it was nice to move without constraints. Tossing the match, he smiled as the amaretto he'd used in lieu of lighter fluid caught, purple-tinged flames crawling across the splintered wood. He couldn't help the smile tugging at the corners of his lips as he turned his back on the inferno, feeling the heat drying the sweat on his skin as he pulled the rest of the kindling into a rough pile before making sure the bench was upwind from bonfire of white-painted wood that used to be their bathroom vanity.
Lex sat down, kicking off his shoes before stretching his legs out, feeling the warmth against the soles of his feet. The crackle and snap of the dry wood was comforting as he closed his eyes, letting out a contented sigh. The bench creaked, added weight as Jana rested her knee between his legs, kissing him softly. She tasted like lemonade, sweet and summery. "Mmmmhey," he murmured when the kiss broke. "What's that for?"
Her hands were cool against his cheeks, comforting. "Thank you, baby."
He shook his head, "don't you go thankin' me for anything. You... don't... nope."
She crawled into his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck. "You've made me very happy. That deserves.... something."
"Just smile. That's all the thanks I need." He pulled her in close, kissing the top of her head, a teasing tone in his voice. "Pretty sure that's what I told this pretty girl with sad eyes over burgers and Pepsi-Colas. Least that's how I 'member it goin' down. There mighta been milkshakes too. Memory's kinda muddy, y'know?"
She blushed and lay her head on his shoulder, watching the fire on the sand in front of them. "You know," her voice came out soft, "every day... you make me fall in love with you all over again."
She didn't see the wry smile that accompanied his reply. "You'll let me know when you get sick of fallin' though, right?"
"I'll let you know... but it's not gonna be anytime soon." She snuggled against him and whispered in his ear, "I'm never letting you go."
He closed his eyes for a second, letting everything else fall away. "Don't need any of those motivation quotes... just you - this feelin' - like one of them trust falls, y'know? But there's no fear. No heart in your throat for a second, that worry that there won't be anything - anyone - there. Guess I got used to throwin' rocks to no ripples." He chuckled ruefully, kissing her temple, "just keep on surprising me."
"I did my trust fall the first night we met."
He kept his eyes on the fire, watching it devour that junk wood, feeling as though it was purging the rest of the deadfall inside him.
Jana's words were so sincere, so sweet they burned up the last of the doubts, "...you didn't let me fall when you had no reason to keep me up."
"Jana..." he whispered so low it was buried under her words.
"...and you've let me catch you, too."
"...yeah." He tilted his head back, saw blinking lights in that blue-black expanse. He wanted to tell her how falling had always been against his nature. Getting knocked down was another story - a rite of passage. A story of defiance and rebellion as if stealing time only to hoard it was any claim to fame. "You don't... I can't..."
Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars...
"I'm here, Lex." She continued, "and you're here... and we own a house together and I can't see myself with anyone else. Trust in that."
"That," he faltered, struggling for words, "that weekend... I came early 'cause I had nowhere to go. Turns out I did. Just didn't know it yet."
..
...
..
.
"You remind me of that motivational poster of the orange kitten lookin' in the mirror an' seeing a tiger reflected back. Before you prance an' preen at the compliment, let's dissect. YOU see YOURSELF in those terms - it's obvious in everything you do. Trixie the 'Bad Kitty', the leader of the pack, claws an' all. Not really original, is it? You work in a company with a woman who calls herself the 'Alpha Bitch' after all.
See, I talk about lettin' fires burn, about war, about thrown fists. I don't have martyr aspirations. Just wanna tell the truth an' now I feel like some death row inmate, tryna fake a death rattle for a last gasp of greatness. Where's my last meal? My appeal? I know that comes off fatalistic, pessimistic lines recited from memory. I know the funeral dirge you're humming as you braid my noose. I know it by heart. Don't care.
Facts are finite.
I didn't bow. Didn't run. I faced overwhelming odds an' fought my best fight. Sometimes best isn't good enough. Sometimes you need to find one little thing to help you make it through. One speck of light. Maybe it's a star. Maybe it's a satellite. Make a wish 'cause they're the same thing: both long dead.
Maybe you can join them in the afterlife. Fizzle an' fade away, forgotten like the omega you are. See, a follower doesn't lead. A scavenger doesn't hunt. BAD KITTY just comes 'round for scraps. Loves freebies the most. Pathetic, really."
