INTERLUDE: Lost Time

Virginia Beach || July 18, 2017

Lex Collins stood at the window, eyes scanning the horizon as though he could spot a threat coming from a mile off. The water was calm but he felt uneasy, like there was a storm brewing that he couldn't see. The sky was clear. He could count half a dozen stars and when he exhaled the cool glass fogged with his breath. Jana's hand slid around his waist, her body warm against his back as she hugged him from behind.

"It was nice to have just a quiet day for us."

He closed his eyes, resting his forehead against the glass for a second, "definitely understanding the value in that lately." He was trying his best to stay in the moment, to let go of the past and build a future with her – lessons learned from his failure with Claire.

She rested her cheek against his back, her hair tickling his skin. "I'm glad you do, Lex. It makes our time very," she paused, something there in her voice that made him turn around in her embrace, letting the curtain drop back into place, "enjoyable."

He looked down at her, "I just kinda feel like I have to make up for lost time, y'know? In a way. I know I don't – not really – but there's so much I wasted on silly things."

Seven hundred and ninety-seven days since Freddie pulled you out of the ocean. Little over two years and what have you done with them besides fuck up every last thing you tried to accomplish?

He closed his eyes against that voice in the back of his head, feeling shame wash over him.

"You don't have to hurry, or make up for anything, baby. Your decisions then, are what made you now. Those decisions, have put us together. So, I just want you to live your life you had, but now with someone who wants to hold on tight as we ride all the backroads of life..."

"You...." his smile was sad as he wrapped his arms around her, "it's funny, I guess. I thought Claire was the one and when we drifted apart I wanted to mourn it more than I did – than I could. Was more shook up at the change in routine than… I dunno. It felt inevitable. Like when you can feel the storm comin' by the heavy air." His shoulders twitched in a sort of shrug, "things changed. An' now I'm just... I don't think you know how much this scares me. This feels different'n anything before. I don't wanna screw it up."

Jana took a step back, taking his hand and interlacing their fingers together. "This is all new to me. I've had three total relationships. Two days of Synn, pun not intended… weeks with Kaden." Her smile was shaky, but at least it was there as she tugged him towards the bed. "And now, you.... I don't wanna screw it up either... so I'm not going to try to. I'm gonna make mistakes. But as long as I've got you, we will be just fine."

He sat down on his side of the bed and she leaned in, kissing his temple, whispering, "I'm all yours."

Mine. He smiled, settling back against the mountain of pillows, feeling like he needed to compare his experience to hers. "I was with Hannah for a couple years... high school dating, y'know? Then I didn't see her for ten years. Ran into her and it seemed natural to get back together. I told myself it was easier – she knew me already. I didn't have to make up a story. I didn't have to go through all the song and dance of all that awkward courtship stuff. She said she was still in love with me and I believed her," his voice was soft, bitterness there for her to hear. "Getting married was what people my age are supposed to do so – fuck – such a trainwreck. She was the one – lived across the street from her when we were kids. When I snuck out, I was sleepin' in the tree-house in her backyard, 'less it was too cold. Then I'd crawl through the window into her room. An' it was never…" he closed his eyes, still talking as she crawled into the bed, pulling the covers up over them. "It was never sexual. I never really… she was my first an' I didn't even want it. Always a power struggle… she… she liked me broken 'cause it made her feel important. Florence Nightingale or whatever. She did everything she could to fuck with my head 'til I finally stopped drinking her poison."

He fell silent, shifting slightly, turning so that he could look at her. "I left her. I almost died. Things…" he sighed, "Claire was... essentially a rebound. Yeah, so I guess maybe mine are years long but it's not any better." He chuckled softly and pulled her in close, "make all the mistakes you want. Means you're human."

"Well, I'm not peddling poison." Her voice was gentle, "I don't bounce very well, and, if I make a lot of mistakes, I'll be making them with you." Her hand cupped his cheeks as she smiled. "If you don't mind me tagging along for the ride?"

He smiled and it lit up his eyes. "Nobody I'd rather have on the back of my bike. Or ridin' shotgun."

"I'm thinking a ride on the back of your bike, my arms holding onto you – sounds perfect." She winked and giggled. "Maybe get lost for a day or two somewhere the WiFi is weak. Just the two of us." She leaned her head against his cheek.

"Mmmmm," he closed his eyes, "if I wasn't wrestlin' tomorrow I'd be all for makin' that happen now." Sighing, he murmured, "still don't even think I should be but with the shady-as-fuck shit goin' down, I don't see 'em pullin' the match. Not when they're hell bent on finishing me off."

"Well, I have to be in Johnson City, Tennessee on Thursday and Friday so," she shrugged, "Saturday, we can just leave out, if you wanna."

"Definitely wanna – it'll be a reward for doing our adulting for the week. Good deal."

"And no adulting this weekend. Just... us being us."

"Oh yeah. That sounds like..." he turned his head, kissing her cheek, "now that sounds like just what the doctor ordered."



Virginia Beach || July 19, 2017

PAP OF YOUR BEST FRIEND.

Lex blinked at the screen, trying to figure out the acronym before chuckling softly to himself. Post a picture. He pulled up the one he'd taken of Jana in Vancouver, her posing against a wall that someone had painted 'you are loved' on. A few seconds later it was out there for the world to see – if the trolls didn't already know, they will now. Normally he would have obsessed over that little slip. He pulled up the post on Twitter, debating on deleting it.

"I didn't know I was your best friend…" Jana's sleepy voice startled him so much he actually fumbled and dropped his phone. It skidded across the hardwood floor but he ignored it, looking up into Jana's smiling face. Her hair was tousled and she looked absolutely adorable in one of his old tees, framed in the bedroom doorway. "You got my best side too, hmm?"

He'd been sitting on the window seat in the alcove outside the bedroom, feeling like he was keeping watch. Once again, he'd been up before sunrise, already feeling the undertow of exhaustion – no good when he had to wrestle later on tonight. He watched her come closer, watched her step over his phone where it had fallen. "Love that picture," he murmured, transfixed, "of you."

Her hand slid up his arm to rest on his shoulder as she leaned in, softly kissing his lips. "I love you, Lex...."

His arms wrapped around her, pulling her into his lap, a breathless giggle coming from her lips as the kiss broke.

"Best friend… that's…" he felt like he had to explain, suddenly questioning if he'd overstepped, if he'd done something wrong. "It's someone you talk to... tell things to, right? That's you." Lex's smile was almost shy as he met her gaze for a few seconds before skittering away. "Like that wall said: you're loved. A lot." His eyes met hers again, "I love you, too."

"I do love being loved by you, too." Her hands slid up around his neck, "didn't plan it this way. Damn glad it happened, though." Fingers in his hair, she pulled him down, her lips softly kissing his before nibbling on his bottom lip.

He heard that soft little purr of hers, "unplanned," he closed his eyes for a second, letting out a happy sound of his own, "see, those're the moments that make life worth living. You gotta… the little moments, y'know? Gotta treasure them the most."

She heard something in his voice. Either that or she was clairvoyant. Smiling, she closed her eyes, "...penny for your thoughts, baby?"

"Just thinkin' how much things've changed."

Understatement of the decade.

He chuckled, that soft, almost bitter sound he usually reserved for those recorded videos. "Couple months ago, I was resigned to enjoying my own company from here on out. An' I was fine with that. Figured it was better. That's why..." he glanced down at the dog that was already napping by their feet, "that's why I brought George home. I could stand the silence but I was forgettin' how to even talk. Needed some kinda basic contact… someone to hear so..." he shrugged, "you prob'ly wanna charge more'n a penny for this."

The lazy drawl of his was getting thicker. He didn't really notice.

"I'll give you a penny now and a kiss in a little bit and..." she whispered in his ear, then giggled, "will that work?"

He nodded, "fair deal..." his voice came out as soft as hers, "just dunno how much of this you really wanna know." When she said nothing, he continued – it wasn't a need to fill the silence. He wanted her to understand more than anything. "See, I usedta spin stories, things from books... bits from TV shows and movies... anytime someone asked for my story, I'd tell them whatever they wanted to hear. Sometimes I was Bruce Wayne. Sometimes I was Logan. Sometimes I was that hard luck story from the afterschool special movie-of-the-week. I never wanted anyone to get too close. Not in this day an' age where anything you ever do or say can be dredged up years later online an' used against ya. Hell, when I started wrestlin', I had paperwork with a name that wasn't even mine. Most places paid me in cash... if they paid at all so it didn't really matter. Then I got signed by EWC an' I had to… I became Alex Collins 'cause it was close enough."

"You became a chameleon, a doppelganger, it makes sense. Most wrestlers are just an act or themselves up to 125% or something..." her hand took his. "Anything was better than the old Lex; it makes sense." She nodded, "and you tell me whatever you feel comfortable telling me, baby."

"The old Lex... there... there really wasn't. I spent seventeen years hidin', doin' my best to be unassumin'. Mostly invisible. Don't do too little or too much. Just be completely middle-of-the-road – you know how hard it was to balance that? Fuckin' exhaustin'. I just…" he shook his head, "I never really… y'know how people evolve over the years? How…" he trailed off, not really sure he could put into words what he wanted to say. 

"Hiding in plain sight?"

He nodded, "yeah. Maybe a little of that. An' I guess I put so much into that careful balancing act that I didn't really…. I had cars. I had takin' things apart an' fixing 'em – I got real good at that. I had music. I had books." He lifted a hand to his face, scrubbing it across his lips – she knew that gesture well enough now after watching him do it while recording his little vignettes. It was the scrutiny that brought the anxiety out, the need to measure every word. "Once I got outta there... I had all this freedom. I could be whatever I wanted to be, do whatever. I didn't even know where to begin."

She nodded, taking it all in, eyes wide as she listened.

"I know that sounds dumb. I still ask myself why I waited – been in therapy for a couple years an' they all say the same thing. Fear is the same as inaction. A part of me wants to believe that. Wants to think maybe that's all it was. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the repercussions, y'know? Like I shoulda just kept tellin' people 'til I found someone who didn't believe his lies. Someone who actually…" he cut himself off, shifting tracks, "y'know how the devil works? How he twists shit up an' shows people what they wanna see? That was Clay. Everyone respected him – good cop, family man who lost his wife when he was young...stuck raisin' this troubled kid who kept gettin' in fights at school... this shithead kid who'd always sneak out after curfew."

"Little did they know that the kid was just trying to get away," she lifted her hand, waving it in front of her, "…'the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist'. My Grandpaw John Richards said that to me once."

"Hell of a trick," he flashed that crooked smile, shoulders twitching in a shrug. "I don't wanna be invisible anymore. I guess that's the moral of the story... took the long way there. I wanna be somebody. I wanna be remembered, I guess." He took her hand in his, lifting it to his lips and holding it there for a few seconds before kissing it gently, "there's a lot of baggage. A lot of junk I still need to work through. But I've faced my demons head on – had no choice, really. It was either that or..." he glanced over his shoulder, at the beach and the water beyond the window, "drown. Keep drowning over and over. It wasn't doing any good. I was spinning wheels with no traction. If that makes sense... I dunno. Sometimes my words come out wrong."

"Your words are coming out just right." She took his hand in both of hers, giving it a squeeze, "you won't drown. I'm here. I'm gonna be here..." she paused, "and I want you to be... somebody as well... even if it's just... my Lex...."

His lips curved into a smile. "Jana's Lex. Champion of her heart."

Has a good ring to it. Don't fuck this up. Do. Not. Fuck. This. Up.

Lex sighed, the smile fading, "didn't mean to drop all this heavy stuff on you."

"Not that heavy when it's a shared burden," she cuddled up against him. "I'll add my heavy stuff someday... with you."

He kissed her temple, holding her close, letting the moment stretch out as long as he could hold his breath. "I'd like that," he finally said, his voice barely above a whisper, "wanna know everything… about my girl."