003: Lost Time

Chuck can't focus. His eyes scan over the drink menu and his expression looks deep in thought, as though trying to decide what tonight's choice would be. In truth, he had just caught himself reading the same description of an 'Appletini' for the third straight time, and it still hadn't quite registered in his mind. His thoughts are elsewhere... namely, the woman sitting across the table.

The restaurant isn't completely empty, but their table, tucked away in a forgotten corner, gives them all the privacy they'd like. Chuck steals a glance at her. Nessa Wall is focused on a menu of her own, seemingly oblivious to his stares as she toys with the chain of the necklace she has on. If there was anything he'd picked up on, though, it was that she was every bit as clever as he was when it came to these things: Analyzing the world around her, picking up on the minute details, diverting attention where she wanted it to go... that perpetual sensation that she knew far more than she was letting on... and yet, these very things were at the core of what attracted him to her.

He smiles, just slightly, and returns his attention to his selection. The waitress hadn't been around for some time; she may have forgotten they were there. It didn't seem to bother either of them.

Nessa lifts her eyes the moment he looks back down, a hint of a smile curving her lips. The moments like this that seem to be coming more and more often, she feels like the luckiest girl in the world. Especially now, to be alone in an intimate setting with someone like the venerable Chuck Matthews. She can't help but marvel over how handsome and dashing he looks in that jacket and the longer it takes for the waitress to arrive, the more she wants to blurt out all the things she's feeling. The moment she opens her mouth to ramble something idiotic, he finally speaks.

Chuck Matthews: "You would think by now I'd know the selection."

The silence was finally broken. He looks up at her, frowning slightly at his menu, as though it was somehow the restaurant's fault that he was so distracted. Her blue eyes meet his and she laughs softly, closing her menu but keeping the place with one finger. With the way he looks and the intimate setting, she knows she'll forget what she's selected the moment the help arrives to take the order.

Nessa Wall: "I'm surprised you didn't already have something in mind. I'm just torn between which overpriced fruit-flavoured gasoline I want to order with the hopes of getting a few slivers of fruit and a cute little parasol on the side."

She has no interest in any of their specialty mixed cocktails. She outgrew that phase a very long time ago but sarcastic comments have always been her best defensive armour.

Chuck Matthews: "I'm sure if you asked nicely, they'd give you all the fruit and cute little parasols you wanted."

He shakes his head with a small smile but doesn't return his attention to the menu. He looks at her a moment longer, and his brain bombards him with a rapid-fire of things to say... things to tell her. Instead, he remains silent, glancing down at the page.

Chuck Matthews: "Normally, I'd just get that same old stuff I always get. I thought I'd be adventurous tonight."

He chuckles softly.

Chuck Matthews: "That doesn't seem to be going too well."

Nessa Wall: "I beg to differ."

That crooked and wicked little smirk is there on her lips again as she studies him for a few seconds. She can tell he wants to say something, but she has no idea what's on his mind. She has a thousand hopes for what he might be holding in that mind of his, but she learned a long time ago to play those cards close to her vest.

Nessa Wall: "Maybe we're going about it the wrong way. We should choose something for each other, perhaps. A test... maybe a game. See how well you know me, Chuck. What do you think I had my eye on?"

Chuck's gaze lingers for a moment. He studies her expression, her face... that small smile that told him there was more to this than he might have guessed... or was that simply wishful thinking? He narrowed his eyes and smiled, returning his attention to the menu. His mind raced. Surely, she had offered some sort of hint... something as to what she might like. Suddenly, he found he couldn't remember.

Chuck Matthews: "You're a wine kind of girl, I know that much..."

He scratches his chin thoughtfully, reading over the wine options before settling on a particular red that, for some inexplicable reason, jumps off the page at him. He smiles. Slowly, he places his finger over the drink and turns the menu towards Nessa, showing her what he's chosen.

Chuck Matthews: "How did I do?"

She opens her menu and turns it, showing him that she's got the same page marked, her finger over that same wine.

Nessa Wall: "I'd say quite well, Mr. Matthews. It was down to that one or the Pinot Grigio, but I was feeling bold tonight."

She pauses for a moment and then closes her menu firmly.

Nessa Wall: "I suppose you want to know what I would choose for you, hmm?"

Chuck cocks his head to the side.

Chuck Matthews: "I'm curious, yes. What is it you think I want?"

She blinks and averts her eyes, that confidence slipping just a little as she clears her throat. She's torn between commenting on how loaded the question is and just answering both versions at once. She can't bring herself to cross that last line and admit what she's feeling or to assume he'd choose her if she were on the menu.

Nessa Wall: "Something classy."

She says, lifting her hand to twist a lock of her blonde hair around her finger.

Nessa Wall: "Not too sweet. Something that you can take your time with that won't disappoint. Something subtle, I think. An Old Fashioned, perhaps. Made the right way. With some aged bourbon..."

She winks.

Nessa Wall: "...provided we're still talking about drinks."

Chuck opens his mouth but pauses. Thoughts raced through his mind once more, pounding against his skull in a futile effort to escape. He plays her words through his head. That calculating mind of his analyzed every word, every tiny inflection in her tone. Before he can stop himself, the words slip out:

Chuck Matthews: "And if we're not?"

She lets her hand drop back to the table, clasping them both in front of her as she studies him. Was he honestly baiting her or was she reading too much into the innocent, flirtatious banter again? Nodding as though she's finishing assessing his body language, she replies, her voice barely above a whisper.

Nessa Wall: "Then I'd say something awful and awkward like 'why, Chuck, you'd pair wonderfully with that delightful red you chose' and then I'd just want to crawl under the table and die of embarrassment. I wouldn't, of course. Heavens knows when they last steam-cleaned the carpet."

Chuck smiles, looking down at the table for a moment. He was fidgeting. He never fidgeted. He stops immediately. For what seems like eternity, he stares at his hands, again playing Nessa's words though his mind... not just her latest response: Her voice, tiny snippets of old conversations, the subtle emphasis she placed on certain words, the tiny inflections in her voice. There was a tiny scar on his first knuckle. How long had that been there? Nessa's expressions, her unique mannerisms that she likely didn't even know that she had... Had Chuck remembered to feed the dog this morning? Chuck's mind scrambles to organize his thoughts... and then those thoughts are silent. They are clear.

Chuck Matthews: "Do you remember when we first went out?"

He slowly looks up at her. Before she has a chance to respond, he shakes his head.

Chuck Matthews: "Not drinks at the Expo a couple months ago. I mean... the first one. Back in Tennessee, five years ago."

Nessa Wall: "It was raining, just a little bit."

She hesitates in saying more, biting her lip for a moment as she recalls that perfect night in bits and pieces. The streetlights on the wet pavement, the soft piano playing until they were the only ones left in the place. Those silly shoes she'd finally broken out of the box that she'd been saving for a special occasion. She remembered it all too well, and the crushing disappointment that had followed when there wasn't a second outing.

Nessa Wall: "Of course. How could I forget?"

Chuck smiles. He remembered it well: He remembered the clicking of her heels on the hardwood floor... and her playful complaint at the end of the night about how sore her feet were. He remembered their conversation, how it turned quickly away from work, and he had caught a glimpse into just how deep and complex her mind truly was. He remembered spending far too long trying to decide what to wear to best impress her, only to settle on a trusty old sports coat and his nicest pair of jeans.... She looked far better than he did that night.

He is suddenly aware that he's wearing that same jacket now. He really wasn't good at this sort of thing.

Chuck Matthews: "You know, I..."

He trails off for a moment, selecting his next words carefully.

Chuck Matthews: "I think at the time, I wasn't in the best place. Things were... complicated."

They were. He was still competing at the time, but the company was in a freefall. Chuck was striving to get his own company off the ground, and it was showing promise, but was far from stable... life was a toss-up back then. He'd gambled everything on a venture that, at the time, even he wasn't quite sure would pay off. It was a combination of good fortune and his own skill and intelligence that he had succeeded.

Chuck Matthews: "I... sometimes wonder, you know?"

He pauses again. This was not his forte. Work, business, hobbies, art... he could talk about those all day, and he could articulate his thoughts well. His own emotions, though? This was a foreign language.

Chuck Matthews: "We never really pursued it. Sometimes I wonder if we should have."

He looks away from her for a moment, trying to focus his eyes on anything besides Nessa's reaction to this revelation. There's a silence that lingers for what feels like eternity. He works up the nerve to look back to her, meeting her eyes.

Nessa Wall: "Chuck..."

She manages his name, just a breathy whisper and then she lapses back into that silence again, her eyes still on him for a few seconds before they dart away to the tabletop and her hands that are still clasped so tightly he couldn't possibly see that they're shaking. The nail polish on her thumb is already chipped so she tucks that one under the other, hoping he won't notice.

Nessa Wall: "I've thought that too. A few times over the last few years. But you're right. Things were far more complicated back then. I was struggling so much and I hated the place I worked to the point that I really started to..."

She trails off, realizing he doesn't need to hear all about her inevitable meltdown and all the poor choices that led to her fleeing to and then from Australia. He'd probably seen enough on social media at the time as it was - the entire known universe had, after all.

Nessa Wall: "We should have. I'm terrible at reading signs. I think you know that, though. I've just never been very good at this whole..."

She lifts her hand and gestures vaguely.

Nessa Wall: "This whole 'human connection' thing. As much as it pains me to admit it, Kasey was right. I like you, Chuck. I respect, and I admire you and sometimes when you're around, I lose track of time and... well... I suppose I should have told you long before now."

He takes a deep breath.

Chuck Matthews: "I suppose we've always had that in common. We're thinkers, Ness. With our experiences, our smarts, we could have done anything, and yet, we chose the one profession where intelligence is underappreciated."

He lets out a nervous chuckle at the irony.

Chuck Matthews: "We're kind of gluttons for punishment, aren't we?"

He sighs, more out of relief that he had let this great weight off his chest... and that he hadn't been slapped for it. Gingerly, he slides his hand across the table, his fingers brushing her hand. He doesn't yet have the nerve to hold it.

Chuck Matthews: "It's something that's stuck with me for years, though... Our conversations, our little outings... hell, even those passing moments in the hall, or outside my office. I enjoy your company, Nessa."

He glances away, staring at his hand, just barely touching hers.

Chuck Matthews: "But it's as I told Miss Summers: I know my place. Still, I... "

He pauses, again choosing his words carefully.

Chuck Matthews: "It's something I should have told you years ago."

Nessa Wall: "I don't think you do."

She shifts her hand, resting hers firmly on top of his. The thought that he might not understand how much he means, how large of a pedestal she's placed him on breaks her heart just a little.

Nessa Wall: "I mean, I assume you don't... given that I haven't expressly said it. I've tried to be subtle. I thought me making myself available for moments like this would shed a little more clarity on the situation but that's..."

She sighs, shaking her head in defeat at her own clumsy words.

Nessa Wall: "Tell me you don't see yourself anywhere but at the top of my list?"

Chuck's mouth opens and closes several times, struggling to get his next words out. He's silent for a moment. He closes his eyes, a smile coming to his face. He lets out a small laugh.

Chuck Matthews: "It seems I may not be as smart as they say I am..."

He looks to her once more, his face burning a beet red at his own embarrassment. He gives her hand an affectionate squeeze.

Chuck Matthews: "No... truthfully, I wouldn't have seen myself in such a position. What, between Mr. Stone and Michel, I ah..."

He stops talking. It isn't often that a man like Chuck Matthews feels foolish. Yet, here he is, and despite this, Nessa's bluntness is comforting. He stares at their hands, together in the center of the table. Her nail polish is chipped. For some reason, it makes him smile.

Nessa Wall: "Ah, yes. I have trouble letting go."

Her tone drifts towards bitter as she shakes her head slowly, cursing herself for yet another lapse in judgement.

Nessa Wall: "Michel is... we're not technically together anymore. He's... well... I just don't bother to correct him because I don't want to hurt him. The last time I did, he smashed up his car and almost killed himself and the last thing I want on my conscience is that load of guilt. I let him come around and accompany me because it's better than being alone sometimes. And I do enjoy his company, for the most part."

She hesitates, lifting her gaze up to meet his as she gives his hand a squeeze this time.

Nessa Wall: "That sounds silly, I know."

Before she can lose her nerve, she takes a deep breath and confesses something else.

Nessa Wall: "You know the real reason I wanted to win that briefcase, don't you?"

Chuck looks up at her.

Chuck Matthews: "I suppose it may be the same reason I was so eager to sign you to Millennium."

Nessa Wall: "Likely."

She laughs softly.

Nessa Wall: "Well, Mr. Matthews... what shall we do about this?"

He runs his thumb slowly across the back of her hand, brushing her skin, almost absentmindedly. He can't bear to take his eyes off her. A sheepish smile spreads across his face.

Chuck Matthews: "I think five years was far too long to wait...Miss Wall."