003: Exodus: Part Two (In Memoriam)

It had been days since her performance at Reggie's and the kiss she'd shared with Lex. She wanted to know what the kiss had meant and more than anything she wanted to ask him. Hannah was too nervous, worried that he would tell her that it had been a mistake. She had been tempted so many times while they coordinated his picking up Allegra from school, to ask him. Lex had picked up Allegra on her last day of school. It was then planned that father and daughter would spend the rest of the day together before he brought her home. This gave Hannah time to herself to figure out how to approach the subject.

After mulling over it from the early afternoon into the evening, Hannah settled on wearing something sexy. It wasn't the most original idea and she wasn't looking to seduce. She more or less wanted to gauge how he acted towards her. The kiss may have meant nothing to him and he had none of those old feelings for her. However, there was always the chance that he still felt something for her.

It was close to ten in the evening as Hannah waited in her living room with the television on. Her dog, Oz, was dozing on one of the couch while Hannah sat at the other. She had dressed in a blush colored sleeveless nightgown that reached just above her knees. With the humid weather, a piece of clothing like that wasn't out of the ordinary. Her chestnut colored hair laid against her back in waves. All she could do was sit there, a knot formed in her stomach and her heart pounding as she waited for Lex to arrive.

She wasn't waiting too long before there was the rattle of a key in the lock and he let himself in with the key she'd given him the last time he'd been there. Allegra was fast asleep with her head on his shoulder when he stopped in the doorway, looking in at her. "Hey. Sorry we're late. We went for a drive to the beach and there were fireflies in the grass in the park. Had to stop so she could see 'em." His voice was soft, a hint of that reverent and childlike wonder he'd always had when he talked about fireflies. He'd always seen them as a sort of sign, even as a kid.

"It's fine," she replied, getting off the couch. She had a blanket wrapped around her shoulders as she walked toward them. "Want me to take her up to bed?" She was mentally reminding herself to act casual, kinda impressed that she was almost pulling it off.

"Oh yeah, I guess if you wanna." He nodded, letting her take the sleeping child from him. "She had a great time, I think. Thanks for lettin' me come see her like this. I know it was kinda short notice, but..." he trailed off with an embarrassed laugh.

"You are welcome anytime." She held her daughter in her arms, a warm smile crossing her face. "I'll be right back." Hannah made her way upstairs to Allegra's room and immediately put Allegra on her bed. Before covering her up, she removed the child's shoes. Kissing her forehead, Hannah tucked her daughter in and left the room, shutting the door behind her. Going back downstairs, she took a few calming breaths and went to find Lex. He was in the kitchen, washing his hands at the sink. As if he was unaware she'd returned, he wiped his damp hands through his hair, trying to fix the mess. When he turned around and saw her in the doorway, a sheepish smile crossed his lips.

"Hey," he murmured, "hope you don't mind. Helped myself to a soda." Picking up the unopened can of Pepsi, he moved away from the counter, walking slowly towards her. "It's done. I handed in my notice with WWHQ... means officially, not really gainfully employed anymore." The topic was as impersonal as it could be, but the way he was looking at her made it seem like he was saying something else entirely. "Jana's gonna stay, though. Fuckin' hell," his tone crept towards bitter as he shook his head, "but hey, what else is new?"

She listened intently, picking up the subtext easily enough. "I'm sorry you're going through this." Hannah frowned and pulled the blanket around her. "That place didn't appreciate you. Better things are coming and that place is going to feel the wrath of karma for screwing with you the way they did."

"Better things," he echoed, nodding, "can only hope. It all goes in cycles. It'll be fine." He brushed it aside with a soft chuckle, "thought I was gonna be ready for bed when I got her back here and now I feel like I caught another wind." He cracked open the can and took a drink, still watching her, "you wanna hang out with me for a little bit?"

"Of course." She smiled at him and walked over to her fridge. "There are plenty of bad scary movies on Amazon this month. Some of them are surprisingly not terrible." Hannah grabbed a bottle of raspberry tea. His eyes on her made her flush some as she unscrewed the cap on the bottle. "So... yanno, we could watch them or find something that's actually decent." She laughed to herself, more because of her nerves than anything else.

"When you put it like that, I dunno how anyone could resist." He leaned against the doorjamb, watching her. "Thought maybe, though... maybe we could talk about... stuff?"

She kept her eyes on Lex's, her cheeks reddening. "What kind of stuff?" She had a feeling that she knew, but she didn't want to bring it up and embarrass herself.

"Oh, y'know... the kind of stuff adults talk about." He took a step back, gesturing for her to lead the way. "Gas prices. Grocery shopping. Choice of nightwear..." he chuckled on the heels of that, winking at her. "Not that I'm complainin', mind... it's just been a while since I saw you in somethin' like that."

Hannah led him into the living room, that knot in her stomach tightening. At the mention of her nightgown, she let out an exhale. "Well, yanno, it's summer and sometimes the house gets warm." Oz looked up in the direction of his owner and then went back to sleep. "Did you get a hotel room?" The question came out before she could stop it.

Lex set his can on a coaster and took a seat on the couch, settling back in against the cushions. "I did, yeah. Thought it would be best." The words came out tinged with regret and he watched her try to no-sell the dismay she felt. "Not like that. I just thought it wouldn't..." he shook his head. "Tell me I'm bein' stupid, Han."

She had also taken a seat on the couch a couple cushions away from where Lex was seated. "Stupid about what?" Her cheeks felt like they were on fire, in fact her whole body did. Dropping the blanket, she crossed her arms against her chest, meeting his eyes.

He closed his eyes, sighing as he laid his head back against the couch. "This guy I've been since February... I don't like him. I don't like bein' on the backfoot all the time. I don't like feelin' how every last breath, every movement from daybreak to sunset's gotta be some huge production. Sick of bein' judged all the damn time. An' I know you're not... I know... I got my safe spaces but there's so much shit in my head these days and I dunno how or why or what the fuck happened but all that noise goes away when I'm here. When I'm with you. So tell me I'm crazy. Tell me I'm just lookin' for a cheap escape and another Band Aid solution. That's what I do. I never stitch the wounds. Never let 'em heal. I just keep addin' to the damage until it scabs over so hard I can pretend it ain't there."

Hannah was tempted to place a hand on his shoulder or even hug him, but she held back. "I don't think this is a cheap escape. You're spending time with your daughter." Reaching out, she scratched Oz behind his ears. "you can come here anytime you want. Consider this your house, as well." She looked down at Oz, not wanting Lex to see how much she was struggling with her emotions. "When the voices get too loud... just come on over."

He turned his head, opening his eyes to look at her. "I didn't mean it like that. I mean... I feel like... I feel..." he bit his lip for a second. "It's like climbin' in through your window all over again. Except now, I'm not broken, not ashamed. I came back 'cause... I needed to. Y'know?" He wanted her to understand without him trying to put it into words. He loved Jana, it wasn't about that. It wasn't about unfinished business or a matter of that little girl that held such a huge piece of his heart. It was about seeing the big picture, about seeing a future that he'd never believed possible. "Feels real nice to be able to come here, talk to someone I know will understand."

Immediately, she looked up, meeting his eyes. "Yeah..." she nodded as she sat back on the couch. She wanted to hold onto him so badly, go back to that time in their lives where he did sneak into her room. "My door is always open to you... it'll never be closed."

"Lip service is bullshit," he muttered, shaking his head. She could say it until she was blue in the face but when she was sitting as far away as possible, he knew where they stood. "Listen, if I had it all to do over again? I'd still have taken a break. I had to. It wasn't you. It was me. All me. An' I owe you a huge apology for the blame then. For makin' you feel like you were... or like you weren't, I guess. I just... I shouldn't have forced you out of the picture. I'd do that over again. I wouldn't have listened to Freddie. Wouldn't have... Claire was a mistake an' I-"

"I don't blame you," she cut him off, "not for Claire. Not for anything that happened after that and not for needing to take a break, Lex." This anxiety and nervousness she felt needed to slow its roll. "Neither one of us... we weren't healthy. You needed to do you and I had to figure out how to keep going on." Exhaling, she stopped petting the dog and stood up. Walking the few steps to where he sat, she knelt in front of him. Looking up into his eyes, she placed a hand on the cushion next to him. "Why did you kiss me?"

"I..." there were at least a thousand ways he could finish the thought. He wanted to. He needed to. She looked so sad and vulnerable and raw and he couldn't let her stay like that when it was his fault. Blinking, he moved his hand to cover hers. "Same reason I'm here tonight. Right now."

"Lex..." The feeling of his hand on hers, took her back years and the familiarity came back to her in waves. "I..." She had difficulty verbalizing what she wanted to say and opted for actions instead as she murmured, "fuck it." She kissed him, so many things she'd been doing her best to hold back were crystal clear in that press of her lips on his. Her hands moved to rest on his cheeks. It was wrong, but she needed it. So many years, she'd had to live without him. If this was the last time that she ever got a moment like this, she wanted to make it last.

When the kiss broke, he let out a soft chuckle, his forehead resting against hers. "Love you too."

Hannah's breath caught in her throat. Had she heard him right or was it just wishful thinking? Before she could voice those doubts, Lex pulled her into his lap, kissing her again, letting her know this time wasn't an accident. "I want you," he whispered against her lips, the fact that Jana was waiting back at the hotel for him the furthest thing from his mind. This felt right. It felt like coming home and the way she felt in his arms, the way her body moved against his made him feel like himself again. "No," he muttered, wincing when she froze and started to pull back. "Baby... Han... no. I..." he cupped her cheek in his hands, staring deep into her eyes. "I need you. All of you. So bad."