004: Exodus: Part Three (Damnation at Absolution)
Apr 28, 2019 18:56:20 GMT -5
Post by Admin on Apr 28, 2019 18:56:20 GMT -5
Las Vegas || May 29, 2018 (off camera)
The flight to Vegas had had her on edge, but for Hannah, there wasn't any turning back. After what had happened between her and Lex over Memorial Day weekend, they had to figure out what was going on. She'd gotten a hotel room at Mandalay Bay and had arrived earlier in the day. The two of them were set to meet later that evening at a little Mexican place that was in the hotel. She'd heard they had great tacos there, but she wasn't even sure if her stomach could handle anything. After settling into her hotel room, she basically paced around the room until it was time to start getting ready. She'd been so anxious that she'd started getting herself showered a few hours before was needed. However, it did take her twice as long to get her makeup on and hair done since her hands wouldn't stop shaking. She'd chosen a spaghetti strap champagne colored dress and rose gold colored open-toed heels. The straps criss-crossed in the back and stopped at the small of her back. Her hair was down and in waves with a pair of diamond studs in her ears. Physically, she felt flawless, but internally she felt very flawed.
Hannah had headed down to the restaurant a bit early, hoping to get herself a drink to calm her nerves. She'd stopped in at a gift shop and picked up a plush teddy bear wearing a miniature Las Vegas shirt for Allegra. She had promised the four-year-old that she'd bring her back something special.
After she'd made her purchase, she found her way to the restaurant without issue and was seated at a table. The place wasn't busy which was a blessing. She couldn't handle a huge crowd and knew Lex wasn't fond of them. While she was waiting, a waiter came by and got a drink order from her which was a Long Island Iced Tea. She had the urge to down the entire thing to enjoy the buzz, but she stopped herself. The last thing she wanted was to be a drunken mess when Lex got there. Instead, she just took a few small sips and waited, taking deep breaths to calm herself.
He arrived a few minutes later, early himself as he nodded to the hostess, pointing to the table where Hannah sat. She had time to check out what he was wearing, and he looked great in a black dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up and a pair of skinny black jeans. Over top of the shirt he had on a black vest that looked as though he'd thrown it on as an afterthought. A few seconds later he was standing beside her and they were almost eye to eye thanks to the tall chairs. "Hey you," he murmured, looking her over. "Come here often?"
"All the time," she replied softly, smiling warmly. She couldn't stop herself from pulling him into a hug. "I was kinda nervous that you wouldn't come." Her chin rested on his shoulder. "Stupid, I know, since you wrestle tomorrow and all."
He chuckled, hugging her back.
"…guess it's first date jitters." She giggled before pulling back and then her breath caught at the sight of him. He always had a way of making her heart skip a few beats. Taking him in, she bit down on her lower lip as her hands rested on his wrists. "Hi."
"Hi." He looked down at her drink, smiling when he realized what it was. "You know the margarita was invented here? True story. But you know better than tequila...first date and all." Winking, he slid into the chair across from her. "Only been a couple days and it feels like weeks… missed you."
She was beaming in a way that hadn't happened in a long time. "I didn't wanna start off with anything too heavy. Even this," she held up her glass, "I'm pacing myself." She set the glass down and clasped her hands against the tabletop. "Thank you for coming."
"You kidding?" He grinned, shaking his head. "Couldn't wait to see you. Again." He chuckled again, playfully. "With clothes on this time." The waiter arrived with the beer he'd ordered from the hostess and he told him they were still considering the menu even though neither had opened them. He waited for the guy to leave before resting his hand on the table, the skull ring thunking against the wood.
Hannah reached out and covered his hand with hers. She was blushing from his clothes comment as she smirked. "What happened the other night…" she thought carefully about what she'd say next and could only think of a question. "What did happen the other night?"
He thought about Jana then, about how she'd feel when this all hit the fan. It was too much like what Kessler had done to her, tossing her aside in favour of another and he closed his eyes against that pang of regret. "It felt good," he murmured, more for himself than to answer her question. The part of him that had always played by the rules was telling him to pull his hand away, to let her down easy because his word was the only thing they hadn't taken from him.
She waited for him to say more, watching the emotions cross his face. When he didn't, she shook her head and looked up at the ceiling, exhaling slowly. "Lex," she met his gaze. "Good isn't the word for it. The physical part of it was… whoa boy…." Her cheeks flushed even more. "Baby, we connected in a way that… I don't know that there are words."
Lex nodded. His smile was sad but there was a gleam in his eyes. "Felt right, didn't it? Felt like…" he flipped his hand over, fingers linking with hers. The voice in his head was screaming to think this through, to be fair to Jana when she'd been loyal through everything, but he couldn't move past the look in Hannah's eyes, that familiar devotion that had saved him so many times in the past.
Hannah brought his hand up to her lips and she kissed his knuckles. "Felt like all the bad stuff never happened. Like we were us." Setting their hands back down, she kept her eyes on him. "Even if we don't do that again…"
"Hey," he started but she kept going.
"No. Listen to me. I understand, Lex. I just want you to know no matter what you decide, there's never gonna be anyone else for me."
"Hannah…" he hardly ever said her name in full. "I don't want it to be the last time. I wanna…shit, I don't even know."
"I don't either." Her thumbs were making little circles on his wrist. "But, you've gotta do what's gonna be best for you. At the end of the day…" her focus went to their hands. "I support you one hundred percent, whatever you decide."
"Don't even wanna think about all that heavy stuff." He murmured, picking up one of the chips from the bowl on the table, dipping it into the guacamole. "What happens in Vegas…you know how that saying goes."
"Just gotta take it moment by moment." Those words were what she'd told herself after he'd left. They didn't necessarily make things better, but it put a lot into perspective. She also reached in and grabbed a chip, dipping it deep into the guacamole. She loved this appetizer so much and figured that's why he'd ordered it. "This guac is freaking amazing." Hannah took another small drink from her glass, just being with him was putting her at ease. "To tell you the truth, my stomach's been in knots. Haven't eaten much since…" she trailed off with an embarrassed laugh, "looking at you now, I feel relaxed."
"Why the worry?" He studied her, chewing thoughtfully. "You know me. Probably best outta anyone who ever has."
"There have been countless nights that I've wished you'd come back to me… That Sam Cooke song… I started singing that all the time." Her gaze locked in on their hands. "I guess I know whatever this is, it's only temporary." Her gaze went back up to his face. "Earlier when I called you, I thought you might be calling things off. It'll happen and it's gonna suck when it does."
"Infinite worlds," Lex replied, a sad smile on his lips. "An' infinite realities. We always end up together. Always end up torn apart. That's how it is. Maybe this is the one where we win. Maybe we thumb our noses at fate, at the universe that wanted me dead before I turned thirty-two… all this time since has been a freebie, y'know? So I tried my hand at forever with Claire an' that was… I dunno. It just petered out." He bowed his head for a second, chewing on his bottom lip – he used to do that all the time when they were kids and seeing it now sent a wave of emotion through her.
"Lex, you don't have to…"
"Yeah. I… I think I do. It's been too long an' I've kept it all inside where it's startin' to go rotten. But, I mean, we make choices based on our emotions, our thoughts an' all this subjective shit… think what we're doin' is right."
Hannah closed her eyes, feeling the prickle of tears. Now she didn't feel beautiful and special. She felt foolish and used.
"That's how it goes," Lex muttered, shaking his head, "we just fuck up over an' over, tumbling ever after into oblivion. Time smoothed out the rough edges, made the dull parts shine. That's what this is. You don't want this. You just think you do, Han."
She slipped off her chair, vehemence in her tone. "That's not true." Walking to where he was seated, she was almost eye-level with him. "I do want this, more than you'll ever know." It was clear on her face as she kept her eyes locked into his. "Every single night that we've been apart… and I'm not just talking about since you left. I'm talking about that whole ten years before…. Every night, I have laid awake in bed, wishing you were next to me. Even if it was just that… have you close." Her hands came up and rested on his cheeks, her thumbs caressing. "Lex, it has always been you. Don't you get it? If it wasn't… I'd have found someone else by now." She shook her head. "I don't want anyone else." She paused for a moment, swallowing hard. "And tonight, if you walk away from me, there still won't be anyone else." What she felt for him – every single thing – shone in her tear-filled gaze. "It'll be you… 'til the day I die."
He stared back at her, eyes shifting back and forth slightly as he tried like hell to see inside her head. This was Hannah. The one he'd run to every time he needed to lick his wounds. She knew his scars so well. She'd bandaged him up a thousand times and he blamed himself now for her departure from the medical field. Maybe she'd only gone into it because he'd brought his damage to her doorstep a thousand times over the years. "I…" His voice broke and he shook his head. "I don't know why…" again he stumbled over the words, trying to express that age-old feeling of unworthiness, failing.
Hannah stood there, staring at him, waiting for him to say more than that. When he didn't, she felt her heart drop into the pit of her stomach. She'd experienced this feeling so many times and it still stung just as much as it had the first time. "Okay," she replied with an exhale as she dropped her hands from his face. "I get it." The words came out sadly as she walked over to grab her purse and the gift for Allegra. "I won't bother you anymore." She refused to let him see her cry. "When I get back to Chicago, Allegra can Skype you." Hannah wouldn't look at him, as soon as her things were in hand, she walked out of the restaurant. She made a blind beeline towards the direction of the hotel, trying to hold back her emotional breakdown.
Lex was out of his chair before she'd even passed him by, dropping a few bills on the table to cover their drinks before he took off after her. He found her part way towards the escalator and he grabbed her arm. "Stop. Please?"
She wasn't going to tell him she was fine, he knew her too well. "What, Lex?" Her voice was unsteady, and she made no attempt to make eye contact.
He cleared his throat, his hand falling back to his side. "Where the hell are you going?" The words came out before he could think about them, the frustration spilling out.
"To my room…" Hannah met his stare, her shoulders slumped. "To the airport. Home."
"Oh." It was like she'd sucker punched him and all he could think about in that moment was bridging the divide he felt yawning between them. He blinked and then reached for her again. He didn't stop to consider the ramifications of his actions. He didn't think about where Jana was right now. He just desperately needed to fix that gaping hole inside himself that felt a little smaller when she was near. He pulled her close, crushing her against himself, feeling the dampness of her tears against his chest. "Shhh," he murmured, his hand running through her hair, smoothing out the waves. "I'm still here."
She tilted her head back, looking up at him expectantly, heartbreak written there for him to see. "For how long?"
His hand tangled in her hair at the back of her head as he kissed her, letting her feel what he'd been unable to put into words.
There was no hesitation in her return of the kiss. Her arms wrapped around his neck as she held him close. She leaned against the wall that was behind her. Once they pulled apart, she felt dazed. "Lex…" her voice was almost as soft as a whisper. "I'm not gonna be able to let you go."
"Then don't."
