007: Exodus: Part Six (Revelation)

It was after midnight and the lot at the beach was deserted. No surprise since it had been hotter than hell all day. He'd been parked here for hours, the anxiety too bad for him to turn the corner for the last leg of that trip home. The phone rested on the dash, speaker phone on. He hadn't told her where he was.

"Dunno if you saw, I got followed by a new Shoot Society account." He leaned back against the seat, watching the white caps on the waves as they broke over the sand. Seemed as tempestuous out there as he felt even though the sky was mostly clear.

Jana's voice came through after a pause, "Shoot? Again? I thought that went under?"

"Makes two of us." He lifted his hand, scratching his cheek, "I dunno what to think."

"Hmm. Odd. I'd just keep them at arms length for now... see what happens."

He nodded even though she couldn't see him. "Well, yeah. Definitely. Wasn't really a good ending last time, so.... yeah. I got no trust for them. At all."

"I wouldn’t feel comfortable with you there... even if I was there with ya." The hypothetical cut deep even though he knew it probably came from the uncertainty of her own career.

"Yeah."

"Though even if we did go, I'm not sure I should be in the same place as you. Don't wanna be a... um.... what do you call it... a chink in your armor? Like everyone will attack me to get to you."

Everyone always attacks me regardless, he thought, hating himself for still being so damned bitter.

"No… I…" he sat up, the El Camino's seat creaking. "I get that." The words spilled out regardless, "makes sense given how little I'm liked these days."

He heard Jana's light laugh, her quick brush against that self-loathing. "It's not about how little you are liked. It's more like I'm the vulnerable part of your armor."

He sighed, shaking his head. "If that's what you think. I wouldn't argue. I mean...I dunno what I'm gonna do." Lex's voice cracked and he cleared his throat, "w-with anything."

"With anything?" She sounded concerned now, "you okay? I know ya been roaming a lot... still having trouble finding what you want?"

He let his head fall back against the headrest, closing his eyes. The ache in his chest was back. He wanted to hit something. He wanted to take off his clothes, run out into those waves and vanish into the black water forever. "It…" he licked his lips, "it's complicated. Like everything is. I'm okay. Mostly. Work kept me busy, gave me a focus I guess. And going back to Vegas made sense."

"Oh. Complicated." He heard the disappointment in her tone, "yeah. I can understand that..."

He opened his mouth to reply but she was still talking.

"I.... um... are you gonna stay in Vegas with Vengeance going on break?"

"I need to disappear. That would be the best option here. But since I can't...I get to deal." He knew he wasn't making any sense and he hated himself for keeping it so damned vague, tapdancing around the truth while he twisted the knife in deeper. Was he cutting her or himself? He couldn't tell anymore. "I dunno, Jana. I… I don't know where to go. Have to play it by ear I guess."

"K," it was more an exhale, "I guess I'll be going back home then."

He frowned, shifting position. "Wait. Back home? Isn't that where you are already?"

"Well. I mean I was gonna come to Vegas again for the next show and maybe stay out there but... you said you wanted to disappear. And you can't do that with me hanging around..."

"Oh. Well I don't even know if I'm gonna be booked anyhow."

"Yeah I'm in Virginia Beach... sitting outside."

He opened the door, wondering if she could hear the chime before he pulled the keys from the ignition. "Yeah? Mosquitos bad yet?"

"I'm head to toe in citronella," she laughed, "it's brisk tonight. Feels great though."

He left the door open, picking up the phone and walking towards the beach. He kicked off his shoes at the edge of the pavement, toes sinking into the cool sand. "Don't worry about Vegas, alright? You don't have to..." he hesitated, struggling for the right words, "worry about watching me fail again."

"You never fail in my eyes, Lex...."

He closed his eyes, pulling the air into his lungs. "Oh, I can," he muttered on the exhale, "I have. If you only knew. Fucking hell... I'm the worst kinda screw up out there."

"A loss isn't failure, baby, it's just a chance to learn again. Mom used to tell me that all the time."

"I don't mean that." He sounded tired, starting to walk with his eyes still closed, feeling the wind pulling at him, "it's not about the wrestling."

"Then..." she sounded wary. He hated himself even more, "what do you mean?"

"You want me to do this now? Yeahhhh. Guess I should tell you now rather than later. Change your view of me. I did something, Jana... somethin' I shouldn't have."

She chuckled softly. "Couldn't have been that bad... you're still alive and the cops haven't come with any warrants to the house."

"Breaking vows." He let that hang for a second, opening his eyes to find that he was walking towards home. "Are those worse to break than man's laws?"

"Um.... I.... dunno.... Lex... I ummm..... what do you......" she sounded far away now. He wondered if she was covering her face as the truth crashed over her. He wanted to soften the blow but had no idea how. Either way, he'd crossed the line. Forgiveness wasn't an option. "What do you mean? You... broke a rule? A vow.........."

He said nothing.

"Wait. Are you telling me....."

"Yeah." His voice was strained, throat feeling like it was closing up. "I am. I did." The wind was at his back, keeping him from falling when his knees threatened to buckle. "Can you hear me? You're…" he didn't finish, instead going back to the confession. "It started with a kiss. My fault."

"Started?" She still sounded faint. "Just when did it.... start? And is... it still?"

"Remember when we went to Chicago....after my last match with WWH? Memorial Day Weekend?"

"That was... weeks ago. You went to see....."

"My daughter. Yeah. Saw her. And her mom."

He waited out the silence, waited for her to connect the dots.

"Are you telling me that...."

"It was weeks ago. Yeah."

"And... still..." she kept pausing, stammering, "and I've been here.... and... all this time you've..."

"Hey now. No." He shook his head, pushing the phone to his ear as he switched off the speaker, "no. Jana, no. It wasn't like that."

"Well what was it like? I mean it's been 8 weeks or so…"

"I…" he raked his hand through his hair, turning to face the wind so it stung his eyes, drying the tears even as he sniffed, "I'm not with her the whole time I'm not with you. I really was on the road. Tryin' to fix my head. Made it-"

"And other than maybe 3 nights together.... you've been…"

"It happened a couple times."

"Is it still," she almost choked on the word, ".....happening?"

"Not since Reno. That was the last time. Guess yeah. 8 weeks, give or take. I thought it was longer. Time is weird lately."

"I.... don't...." he started walking again, "...weird??? Time has been long... very long... and now..."

"I know. And I know sorry doesn't cut it."

"And now... I just don't," her voice was replaced with a rustle of wind, "dunno what..."

"I get that," he murmured, "hate me. I understand if you do."

He could smell the smoke now. It was probably her fire. The wind kept shifting on him. Felt like it was coming in off the water on an angle.

"I'm... dammit, Lex ! No you don't!!! Here I am thinking I'm good enough after everyone said I wasn't and that it all wrong and I told them no... it's all good and....... I'm.... I'm.... worthless....."

He had no idea what she was trying to say so he focused in on the last one. "No, baby. No. You're… it's not even that. It's not you. Okay?"

"So she's better?"

"What?" He started walking faster, "what? No-"

"That makes it all better," there was venom in her tone now, there and gone in a flash. "I just... I can't..."

"I still had feelings for her. A shitload of unfinished things and see this is why I didn't wanna-"

"So I.... was temporary?"

"…didn't wanna tell you." He stopped suddenly, realizing what she'd said, "NO!" He almost shouted it, "not at all."

"I..."

He gripped the phone tighter, "I love you both. But there's no perfect place where I can have all the cake and eat it too and never have any repercussions so yeah this is what it comes down to. The choices made that ruin everything and that's what I do. Always. It's not about whether you're good or bad or better or worse or anything like that."

"I'm... there's so much I wanna say right now... but... I can't.... I don't want to... not like this…"

"Wait," he sounded desperate now, "I'm not in Vegas. If you give me ten minutes, you can say it to me… to my face."


"I'm just gonna get off of.... 10 minutes? Wait... you're here? How long have you been here?!"

"A couple hours."

She sounded exhausted now, "and I've been on this beach. Sitting in my chair waiting for you to come home… for days... and you're 10 minutes away... for the last 2 goddamn hours?!"

"You… were," he shook his head, tears filling his eyes again as he quickened his pace, "you were waiting for me all that time?"

"You said.... I gotchu.... and now....."

"Jana... I wasn't lying when I said that."

He could see the flicker of flames through the brush.

"I don't know..... what to believe… after...."

"I know. That's fair. You still outside?"

She sighed, "yes. I'm not in the mood to move right now."

He ended the call. Hearing the beep clearly as it cut on her side.

"Hey," he walked into the circle of light cast from the fire, head bowed as he slid the phone back into his pocket. "I wanted to tell you a thousand and one times in the last couple weeks. But.... there was never gonna be a time it wouldn't hurt.

She simply looked at the fire, streaks of tears visible on her cheeks in the crackling light. Slowly, she turned her head slightly to look towards him. "Do you know how many nights I stayed out here? Hoping to hear your motorcycle pulling up? How many times I watched the sun rise and...." her lip quivered. She turned to look back at the fire, trying to steady herself. Jana pulled her knees up to her face and shuddered slightly despite the fire in the brisk night air.

"You...." he shoved his hands in his pockets. "You didn't... I thought you were still training. Working on stuff for that rookie thing. And I... it's only been a few days since… you were in Vegas for my last match. I was gonna come back. I always do."

"After I blew up that belt, I didn't wanna be near a ring for awhile. I didn't wanna train. Didn't wanna do anything." Her voice stammered for a second, "but I knew this Rookie X thing would be a good restart ... but I wanted.... I needed you...."

He watched her, feeling himself starting to break even as he watched the emotions well up on her.

She did her best to hold back the flood, "but I knew you needed to find..." her eyes closed tight, trying to keep the tears in but failing as they fell. She cried out in anguish and hurt. "And you... I.... DAMMIT!!!!"


He sat down in the sand, not wanting to get any closer. In the flickering light, tears were visible on his face too. "You trusted me. You knew I'd come back...if you love someone you let them go, right? An' you called it a funk. I just needed to find a way to win again." He sighed and shook his head. "Wasn't even that. I hate what I became. That place...it fucked me up. It chewed me up and it spit me out and then you... you stayed. Like none of that mattered and I told myself maybe it was because you already knew. Maybe you smelled the guilt on me?"

"I stayed because it was the right thing to do. It wasn't about guilt or about anything else other than wanting to prove that I... me... little Jana... that I could do it. Elena said I couldn't, everyone thought I couldn't. Yet I did. I stood up and lost a tooth to her... then got back up and went right back to training. 'Cause that what I was brought up to do." Her emotions subsided as dejection set in. "Then it was a lie. And this... was a lie too." She turned to look at Lex. "I kept you in WWH because I thought if you could beat Finn, you'd lose that monkey. But you never had a chance, and all it did was drive you away.... from me.... and to her...." She turned away from him again, eyes closed. "I should have... left."

"I wasn't ever gonna beat Finn." He shook his head, getting up and walking over to where she sat. "I don't... I'm not trying to blame you. I wouldn't." He dropped to his knees in front of her, feeling the heat of the fire on his back. "This wasn't a lie. You and me. Us. I loved you with everything I had. I still do."

"But you never got over her... never truly finalized things...." She opened her eyes, her heartbreak visible to his eyes in the flickering light. "And it's still.... unfinished... 'if you love it, set it free, if it comes back, it was meant to be'." She looked at him again. "But it's not meant to be... is it?"

There was no easy answer, nothing he could say to undo the damage. He could beg. He could tell her it was a mistake until he was blue in the face but he could see the anguish on her face. She wouldn't forgive this. Not in a million years. "Jana," his voice broke and he swiped his hand across his face, "I dunno what I'm supposed to tell you. Jana....I..." he closed his eyes for a second, "it's not that easy. Even if it seems like it's so damn black and white. Maybe the timing's wrong. Maybe we rushed. Maybe I'm just... maybe I was still broken when we met. I don't know what to pin it on. But it's not the same anymore. It doesn't feel like how it did in January. An' maybe that's because of WWH. Maybe it's me. I just know… you deserve better'n this, okay? You… you do." He blinked and tears fell. "The house is yours. It's always been in your name. I won't take anything from you."

"Ours," she said softly, "the house is – was – ours. This.... all of this... was supposed to be ours." She looked at him again with tears running down her face, "I dunno what I'm supposed to tell you either, Lex. Part of me was to run away. Part of me wants to drop F bombs... and part of me just wants it all to go away." She stood, wiping away the tears then placing the hand with her wedding band on his cheek. "I loved you. With all my heart I have loved you. But you're not in love with me anymore." She sighed and then walked away from him, heading down the beach on a long walk.