Outshine [a blog, posted on July 25, 2019]
Jul 25, 2019 15:38:58 GMT -5
Post by Admin on Jul 25, 2019 15:38:58 GMT -5
The screen comes to life, showing a guy a little on the smaller side sitting on a wooden box. The vintage tee he has on has sprouted a few holes around the neckline and it's stained with sweat down the front. From the clanks and grunts coming from off camera, it's clear that he's just been working out and this is some sort of gym somewhere in the world. His eyes are hidden behind a pair of eyeglasses that seem to have steamed up from his own body heat. Slowly, he removes them and rests them over his knee. He blinks, and if it wasn't for the beard on his cheeks and chin, he might look like he's barely out of puberty. The silver hairs that stand out against the darker blond tell a different story, though – one that's far less kind. He fidgets slightly, clasping his left hand over his right as though he wants to hide it before letting out a soft sigh. He lifts his left hand up and scratches idly at his cheek before finally breaking the silence.
"I feel live I've done this thing a few too many times lately…."
He chuckles softly, a smile in place on his lips although it's a tad bitter.
"Hello, Vengeance Pro. My name is Max Ironside – you might remember me from such spectacular failures as the OCW Block Party Tournament finals and/or Defiant Wrestling."
His shoulders twitch in a barely suppressed shrug.
"I've spent a lot of my career in this business being told what I can't do and trying to crash through that glass ceiling regardless of how foolhardy that may seem. And maybe some people don't understand that, don't get why I can't take the setbacks as a sign to give up and go back to a nine-to-five day-job existence. I can't because that means they were right, that there's an invisible barrier between CAN'T and CAN that shouldn't ever be breached – I can't swallow that. I won't swallow that even if it's the last thing in the house to eat and it stands as the difference between starving to death and survival."
Max shakes his head, exhaling slowly as though trying to push away the heaviness of the subject at hand.
"But hey, you know, life goes on, doesn't it? And if you're not getting busy living, you're just marking lines on the wall in your prison, waiting for the end – which one sounds more appealing? I'm here, I'm back in Vengeance Pro to give it one more try. And let's be fair here, okay? If I wash out, if I fail and don't make it to the main event? I'm not going to walk away from the business. I won't see that as writing on the wall that I don't belong – it'll mean that either Levi or Logan McLeod wanted it more. I hate saying that, I do. I want this more than anything. All this time invested, a multitude of title opportunities that I've won yet I don't have a single championship reign to my name. It could change in the blink of an eye. In this match, I have more experience. I have been through more, put in more work than the other two combined yet I can't discount them. Levi is a champion elsewhere. I've seen Logan compete in several companies with people I envy – both have gone against people better – people far more intimidating – than me."
He lifts his good hand up, cupping it over the back of his neck for a moment as his head bows. He takes a few slow breaths, remaining still. His other hand in his lap looks awkward, almost painful with the way his wrist is bent and fingers are splayed.
"I knew being pinned by James Raven wasn't the end of it all. Sure, it felt like it. It felt like it did when I made Aidan Carlisle tap even though it wasn't counted because the referee wasn't – things happen so fast. You don't have time to second-guess out there. You only get hindsight after the fact and then it's up to you how to rationalize. Did you take one of the upper echelons to the limit and live to tell about it? Did you crash and burn? It's all about the attitude, isn't it? And I struggle with that, I really do. I mean how many times can you brush off the dust, walk it off and get right back in the saddle for another run at the glory? Eventually, you get a little gun-shy. You start thinking maybe there's a joke that you're just not in on and while people are still saying you're good… you're great… you're the reason they bought a ticket for the show and made the drive in Saturday afternoon traffic – maybe a small part of you starts to think it's bullshit. That part starts to think that maybe all the hard work and devotion in the world isn't going to move mountains."
Max blinks, biting his lip for a moment.
"Look at who I'm up against in this: household names like Crystal Hilton, Gabe Laroux, Knox – I'm lying to myself if I think I'm anywhere near that level. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I just don't see it but for all my talking, I'm still feeling grossly unprepared for this challenge. I want to win, I do. Don't get me wrong here. I want it more than anything ever but I know I'm not the only one. I know I'm up against people who've effortlessly won and held championships before. If I make it past Levi and Logan, I have my work cut out for me. Brittany April already brushed me aside like a mosquito… like I'm nothing."
Max picks up his glasses, checking to make sure they're no longer steamed up. They aren't but he doesn't put them on. Instead he stares down at them in his hands.
"Maybe I'm not the one who needs a reality check. Maybe I'm not the one who isn't seeing things clearly – ego is a hell of a drug, after all. Makes you feel invincible, immortal. You start to believe the hype, make yourself t-shirts to celebrate every number that gets added to the win column like that's what all of this is about – I digress, of course. I'm not judging anyone. Do what works for you. If holding those pithy accomplishments close keeps you warm at night…"
He chuckles, shaking his head again.
"I've been dealing with guys like that for my entire career. Maybe 'dealing' isn't the right word. More like 'eclipsed'. I've been eclipsed by guys like that for my entire career, stuck in the shadow while they suck up all the glory. I've put in the work and the time. I've given everything just to be here. Maybe it's time to let it all out. It's time to be the best version of myself. It's time to OUTSHINE."
"I feel live I've done this thing a few too many times lately…."
He chuckles softly, a smile in place on his lips although it's a tad bitter.
"Hello, Vengeance Pro. My name is Max Ironside – you might remember me from such spectacular failures as the OCW Block Party Tournament finals and/or Defiant Wrestling."
His shoulders twitch in a barely suppressed shrug.
"I've spent a lot of my career in this business being told what I can't do and trying to crash through that glass ceiling regardless of how foolhardy that may seem. And maybe some people don't understand that, don't get why I can't take the setbacks as a sign to give up and go back to a nine-to-five day-job existence. I can't because that means they were right, that there's an invisible barrier between CAN'T and CAN that shouldn't ever be breached – I can't swallow that. I won't swallow that even if it's the last thing in the house to eat and it stands as the difference between starving to death and survival."
Max shakes his head, exhaling slowly as though trying to push away the heaviness of the subject at hand.
"But hey, you know, life goes on, doesn't it? And if you're not getting busy living, you're just marking lines on the wall in your prison, waiting for the end – which one sounds more appealing? I'm here, I'm back in Vengeance Pro to give it one more try. And let's be fair here, okay? If I wash out, if I fail and don't make it to the main event? I'm not going to walk away from the business. I won't see that as writing on the wall that I don't belong – it'll mean that either Levi or Logan McLeod wanted it more. I hate saying that, I do. I want this more than anything. All this time invested, a multitude of title opportunities that I've won yet I don't have a single championship reign to my name. It could change in the blink of an eye. In this match, I have more experience. I have been through more, put in more work than the other two combined yet I can't discount them. Levi is a champion elsewhere. I've seen Logan compete in several companies with people I envy – both have gone against people better – people far more intimidating – than me."
He lifts his good hand up, cupping it over the back of his neck for a moment as his head bows. He takes a few slow breaths, remaining still. His other hand in his lap looks awkward, almost painful with the way his wrist is bent and fingers are splayed.
"I knew being pinned by James Raven wasn't the end of it all. Sure, it felt like it. It felt like it did when I made Aidan Carlisle tap even though it wasn't counted because the referee wasn't – things happen so fast. You don't have time to second-guess out there. You only get hindsight after the fact and then it's up to you how to rationalize. Did you take one of the upper echelons to the limit and live to tell about it? Did you crash and burn? It's all about the attitude, isn't it? And I struggle with that, I really do. I mean how many times can you brush off the dust, walk it off and get right back in the saddle for another run at the glory? Eventually, you get a little gun-shy. You start thinking maybe there's a joke that you're just not in on and while people are still saying you're good… you're great… you're the reason they bought a ticket for the show and made the drive in Saturday afternoon traffic – maybe a small part of you starts to think it's bullshit. That part starts to think that maybe all the hard work and devotion in the world isn't going to move mountains."
Max blinks, biting his lip for a moment.
"Look at who I'm up against in this: household names like Crystal Hilton, Gabe Laroux, Knox – I'm lying to myself if I think I'm anywhere near that level. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I just don't see it but for all my talking, I'm still feeling grossly unprepared for this challenge. I want to win, I do. Don't get me wrong here. I want it more than anything ever but I know I'm not the only one. I know I'm up against people who've effortlessly won and held championships before. If I make it past Levi and Logan, I have my work cut out for me. Brittany April already brushed me aside like a mosquito… like I'm nothing."
Max picks up his glasses, checking to make sure they're no longer steamed up. They aren't but he doesn't put them on. Instead he stares down at them in his hands.
"Maybe I'm not the one who needs a reality check. Maybe I'm not the one who isn't seeing things clearly – ego is a hell of a drug, after all. Makes you feel invincible, immortal. You start to believe the hype, make yourself t-shirts to celebrate every number that gets added to the win column like that's what all of this is about – I digress, of course. I'm not judging anyone. Do what works for you. If holding those pithy accomplishments close keeps you warm at night…"
He chuckles, shaking his head again.
"I've been dealing with guys like that for my entire career. Maybe 'dealing' isn't the right word. More like 'eclipsed'. I've been eclipsed by guys like that for my entire career, stuck in the shadow while they suck up all the glory. I've put in the work and the time. I've given everything just to be here. Maybe it's time to let it all out. It's time to be the best version of myself. It's time to OUTSHINE."
