THIRTEEN: The Sound of Silence [FLASHBACK]
Nov 20, 2019 3:02:30 GMT -5
Post by Admin on Nov 20, 2019 3:02:30 GMT -5
...::~THIRTEEN~::...
NYC || 05-21-1997
Charity had been staying at Bruce's for just over a week and the atmosphere was thick with tension. They had been together for over a year and in all that time it had never been so awkward between them. Not only were they still dealing with feelings from the huge fight they'd had before she found out she was pregnant but then there was that news on top of it. Needless to say, Bruce wasn't taking the news very well. Charity couldn't blame him for feeling how he did. The problem was that he was distant and when they did talk about the baby, he kept insisting she needed to put the baby up for adoption. At first the young woman was adamantly against it. This just sparked more arguments and then the silent treatment on both ends. The more she thought about it, the more sense it seemed to make, even though she hated it. Besides, she knew she couldn't be a single mother and highly doubted her parents would help her out. Bruce was the only person she felt she had in the world. If this was something he didn't want, she couldn't force that onto him.
It was a Wednesday afternoon as Charity was at Bruce's. She'd scheduled her first doctor's appointment and was due there in about an hour. Bruce had the day off and she had hoped that he'd go with her. If she was going to give their child up, she needed him there to help her through it. Charity knew that if it were solely up to her, she'd just relent and want to keep the baby. Most of the day, Bruce had been in his bedroom with the door closed— she had no idea what he was doing in there. Charity had been out in the front watching crappy daytime television. The whole time, she contemplated the whole situation and did her best not to cry. When they got to the appointment, she could talk to the doctor about adoption and what steps they could take to ensure that happened. Afterwards, she'd go back to her dad's and tell him what she'd decided. Hopefully, he'd let her move back in because she couldn't deal with the tension between her and Bruce. It was just adding to her stress, making her morning sickness so much worse. She'd packed up her duffel bag the night before and placed it by the door.
Exhaling deeply, she turned off the television and went to the bedroom door. Bringing her fist up, she knocked a few times. "Bruce, I have to leave soon… I know you don't want to be there, but I need you to be. Okay?" She let out a sigh and rested her head against the wood. "I'm gonna put the baby up for adoption. I just… please? Don't make me go by myself." When she didn't get an answer, she walked over to the couch to watch the clock until she had to leave.
Bruce was right on the other side of the door, trying like hell to bring himself to say something— or even do— something supportive. Since the night she'd shown up after the illegal fights he'd been Jimmy's ringer for, he'd felt off-kilter. The whole pregnancy thing had thrown him for a loop in the worst possible way and a part of him was convinced this whole thing was some elaborate scheme that she'd cooked up just to win him back after that blowout fight. Checking his watch, he realized how late it was getting and finally relented, opening the door. "Gimme a few minutes," he grumbled, making a beeline for the bathroom. He didn't bother closing the door and just went to the sink, turning on the cold tap only. He'd been up since dawn, his sleep schedule completely screwed over because he'd already been panicked about money, trying to work as many odd jobs for his cousins as they'd give him. He splashed water on his face, trying to make himself appear a bit more human before raking his wet hands back through his hair to smooth it.
Charity let out a sigh, it was of relief but could have been misconstrued as something else. She started putting her sneakers on as she glanced at her bag and then back at Bruce. She thought about grabbing it on her way out but figured she'd be bringing him back anyway and would just grab it then. "Do you have to be back by a certain time?"
"Nothin' pressing." His reply was short, not a hint of warmth to it as he joined her by the door. He pulled on his usual motorcycle boots and reached for his keys hanging on the rack out of habit before pausing, "we takin' your car? You want me tae drive?"
Charity shrugged her shoulders as she grabbed her own keys. "I can drive." Swallowing hard at the chilliness radiating off of him, she went ahead and grabbed her bag. "If you wanna go on your bike or whatever, that's fine. You can just meet me there." The last time that he'd touched her had been the night she'd told him their news. If he couldn't even stand to touch her, there was no way he'd want to be in a car with her. "It's up to you." She opened the door to the hallway and was prepared to walk down it.
Bruce sighed, picking up the keys only because he needed the ones for the door. "It's fine, love. We'll go together." He followed her into the hall and turned around to lock the door behind them. The moment they started down the stairs, he wished he'd thought to bring the cigarettes he'd left on the bedside table. He needed one really badly all of a sudden.
Him using that term of endearment gave her a tiny bit of hope. They got downstairs and to her car as she put her bag in the backseat. Bruce pretended he didn't notice but the amber-tinted lenses he had on hid the dark look in his eyes. She got in the driver's seat and started the car. As he got in, she figured she'd let him know her plan. "I think I've imposed on you long enough. After I drop you off, I'm gonna go talk to my dad. He might let me come home."
"Drop me off?" His brow furrowed as he considered what she was saying. The thought of her leaving might have been appealing on the surface, but he was actually starting to get accustomed to coming home after a shitty night at work and finding her waiting for him, even if he hadn't been doing a great job showing it. "Is…" he shook his head, not bothering to complete the thought. The last thing he wanted to do was argue with her all over again, now that they were on the way to the appointment.
"I appreciate you letting me stay with you; I woulda been sleeping here, otherwise." God, she hated being so formal with him. She just didn't feel like they were able to get back to that comfort level, at least yet. "Besides, I'm sure you want your space back." She was only a few minutes away from the doctor's office already and she was dreading it.
The awkwardness between them made him want to slap the shit out of himself for letting it happen but he felt powerless to fix it. Biting his lip, he stared out the window, feeling the weight of her anxiety pulling at him. "I like having you there," he finally said, the words coming out on the heels of a soft exhale. "The place… it's… it's not the nicest, though. Is it? I know, it's not a giant fuckin' mansion like what yeh grew up in but it suits me just fine."
"I didn't grow up in a mansion… and it's not your apartment, Bruce." She shook her head as she pulled into the doctor's office parking lot. "The past week has sucked." She looked so miserable as she parked the car. "I feel alone. Even when my dad would leave me alone at the house… I knew I had you. But… you've been avoiding me when you have been there." She wasn't quite sure how to properly voice what she was feeling.
She expected him to grow defensive, to deny it but instead he bowed his head and dragged in a deep breath. "I know. Right shitty of me too..." his hand shook a little as he lifted it from his lap to lay it on her knee. "Am scared, Cherry. I don't wanna put all this on yeh. I don't know what the fuck we're supposed tae do."
Charity turned her head and looked at him as she put a hand over his. "There's nothing to be scared of… we're…" She swallowed hard before she continued. "Gonna adopt the baby out and the family might be willing to pay the bills. People do that." She grabbed her purse. "We'd better head in there."
In silence, Bruce got out of the car and slammed the door a little too hard, letting out a sheepish chuckle as he glanced over at her. "Sorry. Wind caught it."
"It's fine." She wrapped her arms around herself as they went inside. At this time of day, the doctor's office wasn't busy. She signed her name at the front desk and was given paperwork to fill out. She filled it out in silence and once it was done, she took them up to the front desk.
It wasn't long before Charity was called back to an exam room. She asked Bruce to stay in the front because of the first part of the exam. It went very well and Bruce was called back to the room. They were going to do an ultrasound and she wanted him there for that part. When he entered the room, she was lying on an exam table in a hospital-style gown.
"Hey," she said as she gave him a small wave. Her body had been poked and prodded, leaving her extremely exhausted. A lot of it had to do with the mental and emotional stress she'd been under. "Sorry it's taking so long."
"It's fine." Bruce's smile mirrored her exhaustion, "nowhere else I need tae be." He glanced over at the empty chair beside the bed. "Am I supposed tae sit or..?"
"You can if you want…" Charity was staring up at the ceiling, just wanting to get this over. "They're gonna do an ultrasound to see how old the kid is."
He'd had plenty of time alone with his thoughts and what Charity had said in the car while she'd been seeing the doctor. Now that he knew how deeply he'd hurt her with his near-shunning, he felt like the worst person alive. "What do you want?" He said it softly, his accent almost invisible as though he was trying to change for the doctor's sake even though they weren't even in the room yet. Before she could answer, he grabbed the chair and turned it around, sitting down and resting his arms over the back. "Is that how they find out? Always wondered… makes sense more than what I was thinkin'. Thought mebbe it was based off a blood test."
"I guess so…" she shrugged listlessly. "They took some blood and did a urine sample. The doctor did a gynecologic exam." Exhaling, she brought her arm up and rested it over her eyes. She was getting a headache and the lights in the exam room weren't helping. "And we already decided. It's done. Doctor Mayfair said she has the contact information for some agencies she'll give us."
Bruce nodded although that hadn't really been what he was asking. He'd wanted to know if she even wanted him near her— he'd been wondering that since she'd told him she was pregnant but really hadn't known how to ask. When he saw the way she rested her arm over her eyes, he took his sunglasses off and handed them to her. "Lights in here're something awful. Like lasers, they are."
"Thanks," she said taking them from him and giving him a small smile.
She was just about to put them on as the door opened and another woman in scrubs came in, pushing a cart with a monitor on it. "Hello, I'm Kate and I'm the ultrasound technician." Kate smiled at the young couple as she wheeled the cart in and over to the exam table. She immediately went to work getting everything ready. "Are you excited to see your baby?"
"Sure." Charity replied, sounding a bit disconnected. She had put on Bruce's sunglasses and then put her arm back over her eyes.
The ultrasound technician looked at the expectant mother a bit oddly but kept a smile on her face as she continued to prep her equipment. Bruce watched the woman work, trying to hold back the deluge of really ridiculous questions that were currently flooding his head. He'd been to the library and paged through a few books, all of which seemed geared towards the mother rather than anyone else. "Does… can the little ones tell they're being spied on when we do this? Always wondered that."
Kate smiled and shook her head. "I don't believe so, but you never know. Alright, well let's see what we can find out for you," Kate said, nodding at the two of them. "Miss Donimari, could you lift your gown up for me?" The ultrasound tech had turned on the machine; the screen flickered and was ready to be in use.
"Sure," Charity did as she was told and lifted her gown up so that her stomach was bare. She already had a tiny baby bump. She didn't even look as she took the glasses off and handed them to Bruce. Her arm went back over her eyes. The less she saw during this whole thing, the easier it might be.
"Now I'm going to put some of this gel on your stomach and it's going to be cold at first." The older woman had a squeeze bottle in hand as she applied the gel to her patient's stomach. Setting the bottle down, she then picked up the transducer— the electrical device that was going to let them see the baby on the monitor. She slid it across Charity's stomach and suddenly there was the blurry image of a baby on the screen. "There's your little one and from what I can tell, you're about three months along. Congratulations!"
Charity nodded, still not looking. "Okay, thanks." This time she turned her head to the opposite side, her arm staying in place.
Bruce's eyes were glued to the screen, at the tiny little shape on the monochrome display. When it cleared up a little, he could see the head— or what he thought might be the head, anyhow. His breath caught and he turned to look at Charity, a grin on his face as he reached out and took her hand. "Cherry-love… look at tha'..." his accent was creeping back as he forgot himself, "are those… feet? Hands? You ever see anything so precious?" He looked back at Charity and saw she was still covering her face. "Babylove… have a look."
"I don't think I can…" She uncovered her face just enough so that she could wipe at her eyes. "I don't wanna look because then I'm gonna get attached more than I already am and we aren't keeping them." She held onto his hand and couldn't stop the tears from coming. His hand felt almost like a life preserver that was going to keep her from drowning.
He gave her hand a squeeze, that bemused chuckle slipping out between his lips as his gaze remained on her face. "Hush, now. Don't cry. We…" he hesitated for a few seconds, licking his lips as he wrapped his head around the idea. They could get married. They could raise a little one. It wasn't as though he was a child, after all— she would be eighteen before the baby would be born. "We don't have to etch that in stone now, do we? Three months in? Means… there's time. Tae decide. Look, Cherry-love. Just once? Look at the wee miracle we made."
Charity heard the change in his voice and she nodded. Removing her arm, she turned her head and finally saw their baby. Her eyes widened and she was speechless. She brought Bruce's hand to her cheek as a genuine smile crossed her face, the first one she'd had in days. "We did that?" She let out an exhale and knew that she'd never be able to give up their baby.
"We did." Bruce favored the ultrasound tech with a smile before moving to his feet. The glasses went back in place over his eyes and then he leaned over and kissed Charity on the forehead. His eyes closed as he felt the prickle of tears. "Love you so much, my sweet, sweet Cherry. We're gonna call yer Da. Go over there tonight like yeh wanted. Tell 'im everything. Together. Awright?"
"Okay," she sniffled and he wiped the tear from under her eye with his thumb. The tenderness, the way he'd sounded when he was looking at that screen, the way he was looking at her right now, all of it gave her the slightest twinge of hope. Maybe this could work after all.