012: Better Man

Kayla hadn't spoken directly to Rick since Tuesday night and even though she'd spoken to her cousin who had assured her that everything would be okay; she was still worried. Granted, they'd been messaging back and forth, but she didn't put all her stock in that. It was far too easy to twist the meaning of something in a text box when she couldn't see his face or hear his voice. Doubt had started to take hold and the longer he was gone, the worse it was getting. She wasn't even sure where he was, let alone if he was actually going to come back tomorrow like he'd promised.

She was doing her best to be optimistic as she sat at a table in Lux with her oldest friend, Ash Devereaux. He and his fiancée Gretchen also lived in Las Vegas and it had been awhile since Kayla had spent any time with them. She thought that getting together with Ash would help distract her from the anxiety that was eating away at her. Ash was also good at giving her guidance when she needed it and this definitely qualified as one of those times. They'd been at Lux for a couple of hours and were enjoying the atmosphere. It was comforting to be around a guy she considered a brother, especially in this crowd of fancy strangers.

Kayla was seated next to Ash in a booth while she nursed a Long Island Iced Tea. If she drank it slow enough, it would allow her to have a steady buzz. This was her happy medium. She'd dressed in a 1950's style dress that had a black shimmery top with three-quarter sleeves and a red pleated skirt that reached her knees. On her feet were a pair of simple black pumps and her hair had the sides pulled back. Even though she hadn't been told so definitively, she knew there was a chance that she'd see Rick. She just hoped that he was okay. The last time they'd been together, he'd been completely blitzed and after a terrible fight where she'd told him all about her ordeal in Arkansas, they'd had sex. When she woke up the following morning, he was gone – he'd left a note on his pillow but it hadn't given her much context.

She took a sip from her drink and turned to Ash. "Thanks for coming out tonight; I'm glad you were up for it." She was talking a bit loudly so that Ash could hear her over the pulsating music, even though they were sitting next to each other. "And I'm so excited for your wedding! Anything you need, just say the word. I am quite organized these days."

"I'm definitely gonna have to tap you for that. Gretchen – bless her soul – she means well but she's a bit scattered." Ash laughed, taking a sip of his beer as he looked around the well-dressed crowd. "This place is so damned fancy. Can't believe you even managed to get us in here."

"My boss owns the place," she almost sounded proud, "so I've got a bit of a standing invitation. And my office is just a floor up." She picked up her drink and took a sip from the straw. "This is the first time I've been here socially, though. Still a far cry from Mississippi, isn't it?"

"It really is," Ash leaned in closer, his head almost touching hers as the music seemed to grow louder with the next song. "Now that it's just the two of us... tell me how you're really doing. No bullshit."

"Well moving out here was a good choice; I love my job and my boss is a good guy. He's been helping me a lot." There was a sparkle in her eyes when she talked about him, but also sadness when she thought about how complicated things had become. After taking another drink, she leaned back in so he could hear her. "Some days are hard and I miss my dad so fucking much..." Since Bobby's death she hadn't spoken much about him. "Selling the ranch was a lot harder than I thought it would be... But I couldn't stay there." She'd always been able to open up to Ash, he was the one consistent man in her life. Thinking in that vein, she pulled something small out of her purse and unfolded the piece of paper on the table so he could see.

Ash turned it, surprised it wasn't hard to read since it seemed to have been written with a black magic marker. He skimmed over the words, his finger following each until the end.

Kayla,
You're right. Everything you said was accurate and an apology isn't going to magically erase all the hurt and all the heartache of this past week. I can't do this. I'll be back when I can.

Yours,
R.

Obviously, this was the note that her boss had left – it was vague and despite the amount of words crowding the page, it didn't say a whole lot. "Well," he sucked his teeth, considering it, "I can see why you're holding out hope. He says he's coming back. So, there's that."

Kayla nodded. She hadn't told him about the conversation, about the update Rick had made to his bio on social media. A part of her was wary about jinxing it by saying it out loud.

As if he understood where her mind had drifted, Ash reached out and rested his hand over hers on the table, giving it a squeeze. "You seem happier than the last time I saw you. If nothing else, at least you got that out of it."

"I'm not alone with my thoughts so much – well, except for the last few days." Her head went to his shoulder as she squeezed his hand back. "I am so grateful to have you and Gretch." She turned her head and looked at him. "Leah is such a fucking bitch. Since Dad died, she's been so vindictive." All Kayla had wanted from her dad was his three-year-old dog, Molly, and her sister Leah had refused even though she wasn't much of a dog person. "All in all, things are good."

"Haven't talked to her since I left. Texted her a few times, got ghosted." Ash shrugged. "You get back what you put into the world, Kaylee. What goes around will come back to bite her in the end." He was thinking about all the things he'd endured in his life, what he'd done when he'd been deployed overseas and what he was doing now to make up for it. "It's nice to see you smile. I'll give you that."

"That goes for you too, you deserve it." She smiled warmly at him and leaned in, kissing his cheek. "You and Gretch are perfect together." Kayla and Ash had tried to be together on and off over the years, but they'd always been best as friends. She loved him more than anything, but wasn't in love with him. The feeling went both ways. Ash, she knew, looked at her more like the sister he'd always wanted and never had more than an ex-girlfriend.

"I want you to be my best... girl. Is that what it's called when you do a gender swap on it? Stand beside me when we say our vows and pass me the tissues when I turn into a blubbery mess. I talked to Gretch about it already. She's fine with it." Ash looked hopeful as he stared at her. "If it's not too weird, would you?"

Kayla's eyes went wide with surprise as she nodded, a beaming smile on her face as she leaned in and hugged him. "Absolutely! I am so honored, Ash! Thank you!"

He hugged her back, almost upending both of their drinks in the process. "You... are the best. Seriously. I can't believe how nervous I was about asking you. I just thought you might think it was awkward given our history and..." he exhaled, pulling back to flash that infectious grin at her. "Just thanks. Seriously."

"It's not weird, at all. We finally figured out what we are and what our best dynamic is." She picked up her drink. "I'm always going to have your back and I'm gonna have loads of tissues on hand, ready to hand them to you."

"Gonna hold you-" Ash stopped talking when he realized the music had stopped trying to deafen them all and he was shouting like an idiot. He wasn't really sure what had happened and he looked around in confusion, tensing as though he expected some mass panic. Instead he noticed a little commotion near the grand piano in the center of the room. A spotlight came on just as someone tickled the ivories, playing a haunting melody that seemed almost vaguely familiar.

The man at the piano was dark-haired and dapper, his facial hair just as perfect as the suit he had on. Cigarette smoke drifted up from the ashtray on the piano's top, circling around his head like a makeshift halo. There was a glass next to it, filled with an inch of some colourless liquid.

Upon realizing that Rick was indeed the one at the piano, Kayla's heart skipped a beat. A sigh of relief also escaped her lips, realizing her inkling that he'd be here tonight was spot-on. The song he played was one of the most beautiful that she'd ever heard and she wanted to go sit next to him – she felt like it was pulling her in. After a few moments of being mesmerized, she looked back at Ash

"That's Rick, my boss..." The smile on her face was one he'd never really seen; it was pure happiness. "He... um... he's great." Her gaze went back to the man at the piano.

The song changed and it wasn't until he started singing that she realized he was playing "Better Man" by Pearl Jam. His voice was clear, strong and rich with just a hint of gravel that almost seemed practiced.

Waitin', watchin' the clock, it's four o'clock, it's got to stop
Tell him, "take no more," she practices her speech
As he opens the door, she rolls over
Pretends to sleep as he looks her over

The melody was changed, sadder than she remembered it ever being when Pearl Jam played it and she felt almost like the words were being pulled from deep inside her.

She lies and says she's in love with him, can't find a better man
She dreams in colour, she dreams in red, can't find a better man
Can't find a better man
Can't find a better man
Oh

"Ash... I'll be back." Her eyes never left the man at the piano and she slid out of the booth. Without her drink in hand, she walked through the crowd that was captivated with the music, stopping halfway towards the piano. She felt shaky, feeling more nervous than she'd been when she'd showed up for the job interview.

Rick didn't look up, kept his hands moving as he sang and she realized now that she was closer that his eyes were closed and probably had been the whole time.

Talkin' to herself, there's no one else who needs to know
She tells herself, oh
Memories back when she was bold and strong
And waiting for the world to come along
Swears she knew it, now she swears he's gone

Nobody in the crowd was singing along, even though most of them knew the song. They were all caught in the moment, hanging on the anguish pouring out in those words and rather than lapse into the chorus again, he returned to that former melody, blending the two until the notes tapered off into silence. He bowed his head and the spotlight cut off. The normal club beats came back slowly, drawing the noise of a thousand conversations with it. He didn't look up, his eyes on his fingers now, where they still rested against the last keys they'd struck.

Kayla still felt frozen on the spot, not moving until someone bumped into her and when she looked back to the piano, he wasn't there. She felt a strange sort of disappointment wash over her as she made her way back to the table. He had played her favorite song but she wasn't sure that he knew it. She'd just barely sat down when a fresh drink appeared, set down on a paper bar coaster. The waitress leaned in before leaving, "the boss said to read the back." The woman tapped the coaster and then disappeared into the crowd.

Kayla's hand was shaking as she picked up the coaster and turned it over, expecting the worst.

Meet me upstairs after my next song.
R.

She handed the coaster to Ash, her hands now both trembling. "He wants me to come upstairs. Oh God." She'd wrapped her hands around her glass and brought it to her lips, not even bothering to use the straw. "I don't think I've ever been so scared in my life." The drink at least helped settle her nerves, but if she didn't watch it, she'd pass the state of buzzed right into drunk.

"You gonna head up there now or wait until after-" Ash stopped talking when the music faded out and the spotlight over the piano came back on.

"This one is..." Rick's voice rang out over the hushed crowd, that charisma oozing from every word. He sounded like himself, much more like the man she had fallen so hard for. Slowly, he played a few notes, noodling over the keys the same way he had before, almost as if he was trying to ease himself into the melody. "This one is for someone special. She knows who she is."

The notes were a little different when played only on piano rather than with a full band, but Kayla recognized them immediately. She held her breath as Rick's voice rang out over the gentle notes.

Love of my life, you've hurt me
You've broken my heart and now you leave me
Love of my life, can't you see?
Bring it back, bring it back
Don't take it away from me, because you don't know
What it means to me

If she hadn't been so mesmerized by the fact he was playing that song, she would have gone back over and this time sat next to him. She could feel the emotion he was pouring into the words as well as the notes he played. Her mouth curved up into a smile. There was no question that as soon as he was done playing, she would head upstairs.

Love of my life, don't leave me
You've stolen my love, you now desert me
Love of my life, can't you see?
Bring it back, bring it back
Don't take it away from me
Because you don't know
What it means to me

He was back to playing with his eyes closed, pouring everything into those words and while he was no Freddie Mercury, his voice was still incredible. It was obvious to tell, even from this distance, that the song was pulling every possible emotion from him and she could feel the prickle of tears because he sounded so sad, so bereft and broken.

You will remember
When this is blown over
Everything's all by the way
When I grow older
I will be there at your side to remind you
How I still love you.
Oh darling, I do love you.

The line was slightly altered and he held the last note, drifting back into that haunting melody he'd started the song with. A smattering of random cheers and applause rose up, as if the crowd realized he was going to change the ending the same way he had the Pearl Jam song. The notes grew more complex, the variation managing to be both sad and beautiful at the same time. When the last few notes trailed off into silence, Rick bowed his head and lifted his left hand up, running his knuckle under his eye just before the spotlight cut out.

That smile was still on her face as she turned to Ash. "Are you okay if we call it a night?" The anxiety she felt about heading up to the penthouse to meet Rick was still there, only it wasn't fear related now. That last line that he'd altered gave her hope, made her think that things would be okay after all.

"Of course," Ash leaned back, "I've got a drink to finish and then I'll head out. Don't worry about me." He made a shooing gesture, "go on, Kaylee. It's obvious you two care about each other. Go fix this shit. Text me later, okay? Let me know how it goes."

She nodded, slipping from the booth. Her heart was pounding as she made her way through the crowd to the elevator, slipping her hand into her purse for the key-card that would allow her access to the penthouse from here. "Here goes nothing," she whispered, hoping that Ash had been right.