017: Damsel in Distress

The abduction and captivity that Kayla Ravenswood had gone through almost ten years ago was always in the back of her mind and she knew it always would be. Lately, however, those damned memories had been relentless. As much as she tried to brush them off, her subconscious had a different plan. The nightmares had started coming a few nights before and they left her in a cold sweat with her heart ready to pound out of her chest. She had done her best not to wake Rick up when this happened, because she was certain that the nightmares would pass. They hadn't, though – in fact, they seemed to be growing worse.

After a romantic dinner and night with her new husband, Kayla had been able to drift off in Rick's arms without any issue. Around three-thirty in the morning, she shot up in bed – her face was damp with sweat and it was hard to breathe. If the memories of her ordeal hadn't been so fresh that she could smell that moldy mattress, she might have been convinced that she'd woken up with the virus that everyone was so terrified of contracting.

Her heart was pounding in her chest, her wrists hurt and she had to hold them up to make sure there wasn't rope tied around them. She knew she was having a panic attack and she wanted to call out to Rick, but she couldn't get the words out. Still, she tried to say his name, but whimpers came out instead.

Unbeknownst to her, he was well aware of her nightmares and had been awake since the moment she started thrashing in her sleep. He rolled over when he heard her whimper and saw the panic on her face. "Shhhh," he murmured, pulling her into his arms. "I'm here, love. I've got you."

It took a bit for her breathing to calm and her body to stop trembling. Her hands came up and weakly rested on his arms, not wanting his hold to loosen. "Thank you." Her words were the barest whisper, so quiet he barely heard them. Tears were still streaming down her face, dripping off her nose and chin to soak Rick's bare chest as he pulled her in closer. His hand stroked her back but she shied away from the touch – her side and scars were throbbing, more a phantom pain but in that moment with the demons screaming in her head, it felt real.

"I'm sorry..."

"For what? Waking me up?" He made a dismissive sound, continuing to hold her until he could feel the tremors subside. Her body language – that little flinch – he knew where her mind was and it broke his heart to realize she was reliving those weeks of torture. "For better or worse, remember? You're fine." His voice came out softer, "It's not as though we've got pressing meetings in the morning. There's nothing whatsoever more important than you are right now." His lips pressed to her temple as he continued to hold her tight. "No thanks or apologies needed, okay? That's what I'm here for."

It continued to amaze her how safe and secure he made her feel; she'd never had that before. In the past when she'd had a panic attack like this, it would have taken her hours to calm down on her own. "That was the worst one I've had in awhile... I hate it."

"What can I do to help?" Rick sounded genuinely concerned. "Do we need to drive to Arkansas and burn that place to the ground?" He said it halfway in jest, wanting to lighten the mood and take her focus off the anxiety.

"It's probably not even still standing." She'd thought about it numerous times over the years; the Phelps' house, and what had become of it. "I haven't been back there since I was rescued." Kayla rested her head on his shoulder, tilting her head to look up into his face. "I don't like being like this."

"We all have weaknesses, love."

"I know," she sighed, "I just haven't had to deal with these nightmares in a long time." Frustration spilled over into her tone, "why is this happening now?"

"My best guess?" He drew in a deep breath, making her realize he'd given this a lot of thought. "You dug too deep when you told me about it – I suppose I'm partly to blame for that. If we hadn't been in the middle of that vicious row, you wouldn't have felt the need to tear open the wound and bleed out at my feet."

The image was ghastly, but wholly accurate. She'd told him more detail than anyone else in her life had ever heard – she didn't regret that level of honesty. Not with him. "I didn't mean to." Her voice came out small, eliciting a bitter chuckle from Rick.

"Of course not. Things happen in the heat of the moment. The fact remains that you opened the wound." His explanation was calm, almost logical. "It stands to reason that it's going to continue to bleed out inside of you until we find a way to close it." He was thinking maybe he needed to put in a call to the therapist he used to see. Maybe there was some underlying damage that she hadn't dealt with that all of this had dredged up.

What he was saying made a lot of sense and it surprised her how cool and rational he could be like this in the middle of the night, on little to no sleep when she felt like crawling out of her own skin and screaming until her voice gave out.

"Kayla..." as if he could sense the track her mind was about to take, he spoke softly and earnestly. "You're not in this alone. Whatever else you might think... you made me part of this. We'll find a solution. That's what I do best, after all."

Her blue eyes met his and she could see warmth in his gaze – that sort of adoration that she'd mistaken for friendliness at first. "Yes," the single word slipped out as she nodded, willing to lay everything at his feet if he could make that magic happen.

A part of him needed to pin the blame on the past, to shirk any sort of ties to anything he might have done to her before he'd managed to screw his head back on straight. If she harbored any anxiety about their union, about the current situation – he hated to think about that possibility. "Let's see if we can trace it back, hmm?" He stroked his hand down her back, smoothing her hair. His voice was warm and gentle, like velvet against her ears. "Were you having dreams like this when I was away on holiday? When I was in LA for the day? You did say you had trouble sleeping alone..."

"I don't think so; at least not that I remember." When he was gone, she had trouble sleeping in general – that was more loneliness than any nightmares she could recall. "Just a lot of tossing and turning. I think you're right... I reopened everything. I don't talk about it because I don't want to obsess on it. The memories are always there, even if they're just in the back of my mind." She'd finally managed to get her breathing steady and the pain in her side was subsiding. "I've been off my meds for a few weeks and with all the craziness now, I can't get in to see a doctor." There had also been a part of her that hoped she was able to get herself off those medications.

"Well," he considered the new information, trying to remain impartial, "maybe it wasn't the best idea to drop them cold-turkey... especially in the middle of a global pandemic? I can make some calls in the morning. See if we can find a clinic that can do a refill for you until we can get a doctor sorted out."

"Okay," she nodded in agreement, knowing he was right. "I've got to figure out a way to put the past to rest. I don't want the basement hanging over our marriage or when we start a family." She pulled back just enough so that she could look into his eyes. "I can't be broken like this. Not for you. Or for them."

The mention of those hypothetical children made his heart ache in the worst way. "So what did you want to do?" He favoured her with a gentle smile. "We could still burn the house down. I'm not opposed to that."

"You mean it? Actually go back there?" Her brow furrowed as her breathing started to become heavier again.

"Shhh... shhhh... relax. We don't have to." His arms tightened around her. "I'm just spit-balling, love."

Kayla didn't immediately respond as she mulled over his suggestion. "Maybe it would work." If she went back, there was no way Rick would let her go alone. Also, this time around she would have control. "Everything else I've tried... There's times I'm terrified I'm going to wake up and still be there." She'd be able to face at least part of her demons. "Did you mean what you said? Burn the place down?"

"I mean it. If that's what it takes, I'm all for it." His lips pressed against her forehead and he closed his eyes, trying to reassure her. "You know you're safe. This isn't the bad dream, Kayla. You've lived far too much since for it to be anything but." There was vehemence in his tone, "I'm not imagined, not some trick. Those awful memories are the tricksters – I won't let anyone hurt you ever again. No matter the cost. I mean that as well, with all my heart."

"I know you won't, I know I'm safe with you." She played over the idea of showing up at the Phelps' house and ridding the world of that place. The more she thought about it, the better the idea sounded. "Okay," she nodded, "let's do this."

"The house is still there. I looked it up. I had..." he sighed, "my lawyer managed to get his hands on the police report – just a little digging. I hope you don't mind."

"No." She was actually relieved that he'd done the things that she didn't want to. "Do you know if anyone is living there?"

"That, I'm not sure. From the looks of the photos I was sent, it seems abandoned – overgrown yard, crumbling porch... granted I have no idea what it looked like before, for comparison's sake. The photos are on my laptop. Do you want me to get it so you can see?"

"Okay." The word was out before Kayla had a chance to think about it. She was going to have to look at it sooner or later, especially if they were going to travel to Arkansas. Inhaling, she took a moment to steel herself before she saw the photos.

Rick got out of bed and she had a moment to admire his physique as he left the room, clad in nothing but a pair of red silk boxers. He returned a few moments later with the laptop, cracking it open as he crossed the space towards the bed. His face was lit with that blue glow from the screen's light and he looked pensive as he clicked into his email, bringing up the attached photos before handing it over to her. "I know it crosses a few lines, delving into your past like this. It wasn't that I didn't believe you – I just needed to be on top of it – the loose ends. You know how my mind works. I can't leave stones unturned or it bothers me to no end."

It didn't bother her that he had looked into her past; she would have done the same thing. "You didn't cross any lines." Leaning in, she kissed his cheek before taking the laptop from him. Setting the machine on her lap, her eyes took in the sight of the house. From the little bit she remembered of the parts of their house that wasn't the basement, the Phelps' had kept a nice home. The photos showed her something completely different. "Wow." The single word came out on the heels of an exhale. The house was rotting away and she could only imagine what the interior looked like. Unable to take her eyes off the screen, her hand came up and rubbed the back of her neck – now it looked like something out a nightmare. "What if we go there and I get worse?"

"I suppose that's a possibility," Rick rested his hand on her shoulder, gently squeezing. "I'm no psychologist. I just know what worked for me."

Her hand came up and rested on his before using her other to close the laptop. "I'll never know unless I do it." She'd thought about doing this before and part of what stopped her was the fear of asking someone to go with her. "How soon do you think we could leave?"

"Anytime you wish. I've got nothing on the schedule until mid-April at this point. We could head down to Reno, first. Visit with Alyvia and Jackson... make a full road trip out of it. How does that sound?"

The thought of seeing her cousin brought a smile to her face as she turned to face Rick. "Let's do it. How about if we get ready and leave in the morning?"

"After we see about getting you a refill on that medication, of course." He nodded, picking up the closed laptop and setting it on the bedside table. "Now how about I rub your back until you fall asleep?"

"Absolutely." Kayla wasted no time laying back down and turned onto her stomach. As scary as the thought of going back to Arkansas was, knowing that Rick would be there made it better. He'd hold her hand and together they would face down her biggest monster – she was done feeling like the damsel in distress.