003: Onward
Jun 5, 2020 3:20:14 GMT -5
Post by Admin on Jun 5, 2020 3:20:14 GMT -5
• JD •
May 18, 2020 || Holly Springs
The bottle of Jack Daniels was on the coffee table next to the bowl of popcorn, both half-full, both abandoned halfway through the movie. The invitation to come over had been unexpected, but not really a surprise. Over the past year they'd grown fairly close, especially over the last six months since Leah's father Bobby Knix had passed. Until the end of March, he'd been spending nearly every night taking up space on a stool at the bar Leah worked at. Since the worldwide shutdown, he'd been taking on odd jobs, finding reasons to be around in the building she lived in by doing handyman work for her landlord.
JD Rivera had spent the first bit of the movie watching her rather than paying attention to the narrative – it was Pixar's Onward, after all. He held no real love for animation, hadn't really watched a Disney movie in over 20 years before he'd started hanging out with this woman. Leah Knix was seated on her couch next to him with her sock-covered feet propped up on her coffee table. A blanket that was obviously her favorite due to how old and faded it was, had been draped over her lap and her gray and white cat Chonk had settled in for a nap on top of it, almost as though intentionally trying to play chaperone.
Once the quest had begun, the movie had drawn him in, the plot striking a very familiar chord that had cut right through him. When the credits finally started to roll, he kept staring forward at the screen in silence, almost oblivious. Sniffling, Leah reached for the remote and backed up on the menu before a preview for something else began to play. She'd known that watching Onward was going to make her emotional due to the fact that it focused heavily on father-child relationships. Leah had been incredibly close with her father, even leaving her job and life in Chicago to go back home and take care of him. It had been nearly six months and still not a day went by without her crying because she missed him more than she thought possible.
Bringing a hand up, Leah wiped at her eyes with the sleeve of her long-sleeved shirt and then looked over at JD. The man was still staring at the screen – that wasn't the worst part. She assumed he was just as buzzed as she was until she leaned forward and noticed the tears drying on his cheeks. "Hey..." reaching over, her hand rested on his arm. "What's going on? Why the tears? I know I'm blubbery... but hey." She'd never seen him like this, especially over a movie and it broke her heart.
He started, almost guiltily, lifting his hand up to swipe the wetness off his cheeks with the back of his wrist. "Got caught up in the moment," he mumbled, looking sheepish when his eyes met hers. There were so many things she didn't know about him. At the top of that list was the fact that he was actually believed to be dead for the last twenty-two years. The truth about the accident that had claimed the lives of his wife Priscilla and his youngest son Jesse was far stranger. The theme of the movie had reminded him of how much he'd missed in the lives of his older son and daughter. He hadn't been able to witness them growing into adults and while he'd loosely kept tabs on their social media accounts, he hadn't realized until now just how much he wanted to see them one more time. It was finally possible to do it without putting them in any danger.
"Maybe," he paused to clear his throat, "this wasn't the best choice of things to watch while drinking?"
"No, I s'pose not." Swallowing hard, she reached over to grab the bottle of whiskey. "I thought it'd be funnier than it was sad." Bringing the bottle to her lips, she took a swig and then winced, handing the bottle to him. "It was equal parts. I know why I'm a mess, but we've watched all the Toy Stories and you didn't cry. So..." her words had a hint of slurring to them as she gently pushed Chonk off her lap, letting her feet settle on the floor. "I know it's not just Pixar."
"No." He admitted reluctantly, tilting the bottle to his lips, "it's not just Pixar." When he'd sworn to the dying man that he'd stick around and look out for Bobby's youngest daughter, he hadn't expected to actually grow fond of the place. For the last twenty years, he'd been a drifter, moving around when the wind changed, doing odd job handyman work while he waited for the next time the damned government was going to call on him. It hadn't happened in five years and he'd actually started to believe that maybe his time served had finally begun to outweigh his usefulness. Sighing, he shook his head. "Was just thinking about Devon. My son."
JD hadn't ever talked much about his past and this was the first that Leah was hearing about a son. "You have a son?" She turned towards him, pulling her legs up under herself. "How old is he?"
"He'll be forty-one in August." He took another swallow of the Jack Daniels before handing the bottle back to her. "His mother and I were high school sweethearts. I was seventeen when he was born. He wasn't exactly planned, but we made it work as best we could. I dropped out. Got a job and then I enlisted when I was eighteen. Figured the easy money was the best bet and her folks were pretty supportive, letting us stay with them while she finished school." He sounded wistful as he recounted the story, looking everywhere but at her. "First couple years were rough... not something I'd ever want to do over again, that's for sure."
"But, you got through it and made it work, right?" She'd taken the bottle from him and was tempted to down some more but knew if she did, she'd be throwing up. Even in her drunken state, Leah had enough sense to stop. Leaning over, she placed the bottle back on the coffee table. Her eyes stayed on him, wanting to take in every bit of his life story he was willing to share. "How long were you guys married for?" Now that her focus was on something other than her own grief, the tears had stopped streaming her face.
"Eighteen years when she passed." It took him a moment to answer, not because he was doing the math but because it was hard, even now, to think about it. "But we'd been together for twenty-six at that point. The best years of my life. We had our little family – I've got a daughter out there somewhere, too. Last time I saw her, she was eleven. Spitting image of her mother... a damned tomboy happier in her brother's hand-me-downs with skinned knees than in the dresses Priscilla wanted her to wear." If he hadn't been drinking before he'd even gotten to her place, he never would have told her so much. He was well beyond buzzed, inching into dangerous territory.
"You guys were together a lifetime." A sad smile crossed her face as she tried to imagine loving someone for that long. Her own parents had divorced when she was nine and Bobby had never had interest in finding another wife. Leah had been in a few relationships herself, the last one being the most serious. The guy's name was Tyler and they'd been together for about three and a half years when she'd had to go home to take care of her ailing father. Tyler had no interest in going with her or even continuing the relationship. She could see how much the man next to her missed and still loved his wife and it broke her heart to see the raw anguish written all over his face.
"A lifetime..." he echoed the thought on the heels of a sigh. "She's been gone almost as long as we were together."
"That sucks," she wasn't really sure what else to say as she rested her hand on his knee, her fingertips just barely touching his. "I'd say that I'm sorry for your loss, but honestly I get sick of hearing that myself."
"Thanks." He considered taking back the bottle from where she'd set it but reconsidered. "It was sudden. It wasn't quite the same as..." he paused, his eyes meeting hers for a moment. "At least you had time to say goodbye. I'd give anything to have that."
Biting down on her lower lip, Leah couldn't stop her thoughts from immediately traveling to the night that Bobby died. "I uh... I never did say goodbye." Looking down at her feet, her hand gently pulled back and she wrapped her arms around herself. "I wasn't with him when he died. I was asleep in the waiting room down the hall." The tears started to prick her eyes again and she tilted her head back against the couch, trying to keep them in. "Kayla woke me up and told me he'd passed a few minutes before."
Leah closed her eyes, swallowing hard and he watched her struggle to hold in the anguish. "I... wish I hadn't left the room."
"Don't beat yourself up over that." The words came out without much thought but she shook her head and from the look on her face he knew she was doing just that. "You can't-"
"You never get enough time, you know?" She cut him off, finally looking up at him. "I coulda gotten a hundred more years with my daddy and it would never have been enough."
"Shit." JD rested his hand on her arm this time. He wanted to hug her tight, wanted to do far more than that because he could see how close she was to falling apart. "I'm so sorry. I didn't realize."
"I don't talk about it..." she exhaled and brought her hand up to wipe her eyes. "They say your grief is in proportion to how you felt about the person and I can see how much you still love her." She flipped it back on him so quickly that he didn't really know what to say.
"I..." he shook his head, "I don't know that's true."
"It is," she insisted, resting her hand over his. "I can see it – could hear it when you were talking about her. You love her and you always will."
"I'm not sure if I still love her or just the memory of what we had." JD's voice came out a little hoarse with emotion as he broke eye contact. "It's hard to separate the two."
Leah squeezed his hand, wanting him to know she was there. He'd been such a rock for her that she needed to be that for him. "Have you been with anyone else since you lost her?"
He chuckled, shaking his head. He could feel the pressure of her hand on his and it felt nice, really comforting. "Yeah, I guess so. I've had hookups here and there. Nothing real serious, if that's what you're asking. Just felt like I was doing her a disservice. I should've died too... and before you try to tell me that's survivor's guilt, it's not. It's a fact. We were being followed that night. They pulled me out of the wreckage because that's what they were told to do. Protecting the asset didn't extend to Priscilla and our youngest Jesse. They were acceptable casualties so nobody bothered to pull them out of the wreck. The bodies burned and..." his voice caught and pulled his hand from her grasp, pressing both to his face for a moment. He let his head fall back against the couch, trying to will himself to stop talking but now that the floodgates were open, his mouth had a mind of its own. "Mia and Devon... they believe I'm dead. There was a funeral. A body went into the ground... burned beyond recognition. It wasn't mine."
"I'm sorry." The two simple words came out softly and she grabbed his hand again when he let them fall away from his face, giving it a squeeze. She'd always had a feeling there were some dark things in his past, but she didn't expect that. "Was someone after your whole family?"
"I don't know. Never got an answer to that – always thought maybe it had been a setup. Devon was nineteen. At college although we were on our way to pick him up. He'd gotten himself expelled... I don't even remember what he'd done. Mia was with her grandparents that weekend, probably staying up late and eating pound cake before bed. They weren't part of the equation, at least as far as I know." He hesitated for a moment, as if he was stuck in that horrifying moment again. "That movie made me wonder how they turned out, made me wonder if they're doing okay... if they're happy."
"You could always reach out to them, I'm sure they'd want to know you're alive." She knew exactly how she'd feel if she were in that situation. "I could help you find them." Knowing how much this weighed on him made her want to move mountains to help him reconnect with his kids.
"I know where they are." That admission came out hollow as he looked at her again. "I just haven't... spoken to them. Or seen them face to face. I have their social media accounts. I know that Mia tried to be a wrestler for a while but she didn't have much success at it. She's married to some tattoo artist from Portland and they have a baby. I don't know when it was born or what the sex is, but it was sometime last year." Looking away, he sighed. "I know Devon is married to a girl named Eleanor and they're in Reno. I know... sounds like I'm a stalker doesn't it?"
"No, it sounds like you want to know what's going on in your kids' lives." Even though she had decided to be done with the whiskey for the night, she grabbed the bottle and took a swig. At least it didn't make her wince that time, well not as bad. "You should think about going to see them. I know I'd give anything for my dad to show back up, anything to get more time with him."
Thinking again about that movie they'd just watched, he sighed. "Twenty-two years is an awfully long time. I don't think..." he trailed off, thinking about how much he'd missed, especially with Mia. She'd been so young – three-quarters of her life had happened without him in it. To think that he could just breeze back in now was unbelievably egotistical. When his eyes locked back on Leah's, he reached out to take the bottle, his fingers closing over hers. There was sadness in his gaze but there was something else, a sort of desperation.
Leah didn't move her hand away from his, she liked the feeling of his hand over hers. "It is a long time, but you still have a chance to be in their lives. It might be hard, but you only get so much time." It broke her heart to see how hard this was for him. Her other hand came up and rested on his cheek. "You don't have to do it alone; I have your back."
"Appreciate that." The reply came out gruff, his gaze still locked on her when he leaned in closer, his lips finding hers for a rough, whiskey-flavored kiss.
Her eyes widened briefly at the shock of him actually kissing her, but that wore off immediately as she closed her eyes and returned it. She'd been kissed before, but this was different. Once they regretfully pulled apart, Leah looked up at him. "Hi." She was only a few inches from him, her hand staying gently on his face.
He took the bottle from her hand without looking, without breaking eye contact, tucking it into the couch behind him because the table was slightly out of reach. "Hello," he rasped, surprised not that he'd actually acted on the impulse that had been brewing in the back of his mind for months, but that he wanted to do it again. He lifted his hand to mirror what she was doing, touching her face before closing that distance to taste her lips again.
This time when he kissed her again, she was ready. Her hands moved to his chest, fingers grasping his shirt as she pulled him in closer. She'd fantasized what it would be like for JD to kiss her and now that he had, it was better than anything she'd imagined. There was a connection, but she couldn't be sure if the alcohol was the one in control. As it was, she'd take whatever he was willing to give her.
He wasn't thinking about connections or what was right and wrong about the situation. He wasn't thinking about the deathbed promise to her father that he'd do everything in his power to keep her safe. He was desperate to fill the loneliness that had been a constant companion for far too long. It helped that he was fond of her, that she'd become something like his best friend over the last six months or so. When the kiss broke, he took a breath and eased her down against the couch. The next press of lips was hungrier, a little more desperate than exploring as he deepened it.
A new sort of definition of their relationship seemed to be forming and she wrapped her arms around his neck, eager for another kiss. When this one broke, his eyes opened to meet hers and he murmured something that cut right through her. "I wouldn't be here now if I was still in love with her. Promise you that."
"Are you-" the question was cut off with another rough kiss, as if he was determined to prove her words false. There was something more to it, though, than simple lust. She could feel it. When he pulled back, she could see something in his eyes she hadn't noticed before. Or maybe she simply hadn't wanted to see it because she was afraid if it was acknowledged he was going to end up leaving her too. The booze had made her dizzy but she knew that wasn't why her senses were reeling now. "JD..." she wanted to tell him that she loved him but the words wouldn't come out.
"I'm here," he murmured, resting his forehead against hers as his hand cupped her cheek. "I'm not going anywhere." Even as he said the words, he realized that he truly meant them. There was no way in hell he could see himself walking away from her, disappearing in the middle of the night like he'd been doing for the past two decades. She meant far too much.
