007: Hello Darkness

He was supposed to come over the night before and hadn't shown; Natalie had fallen asleep waiting. When she'd woken up and found just her dog sleeping next to her, she couldn't help the worry that started to consume her. It wasn't exactly the first time he'd disappeared on her, after all. Wanting to give him the benefit of the doubt, she'd tried texting and calling. There had been no answer on either front, causing her to go look for him. She hadn't found him at his place so the next logical place had been the bar. When she saw his bike parked in the lot, she couldn't help the sigh of relief that escaped.

It was short-lived. When she walked upstairs and took in the destruction as well as the blood on the floor, she felt nothing but panic. Luckily it wasn't long after that her eyes settled on movement in the bathroom mirror, the words slipping out before she could check them. "JD... what..?"

She picked her way through the debris, watching him running water over his hands, splashing it on his face and she felt a pang of sadness, seeing how ragged he looked. She froze when she heard the next words from his lips, the bleakness in his tone chilling her to the bone.

"I made a terrible mistake."

"What mistake?" The question came out as she approached him, a hand cautiously resting on his shoulder. "What happened?"

He could feel the cooler press of her hand on his bare skin, realizing he'd only halfway gotten dressed before the bombshell had dropped. Now that the anger had started to fade away, he just felt exhausted down to the core. When he'd realized he wasn't alone, he'd thought it was Leah that had shown up, needing to drive the proverbial knife deeper into his guts – he'd completely forgotten he was supposed to go to Natalie's house when he'd finished up after closing. Everything had gotten so twisted up over the last twelve hours that he wasn't even sure who he was anymore, let alone what previous plans had been.

He closed his eyes, dragging in a deep breath and holding it until he could get his heart rate to slow. He still felt like a powder keg, like he was only half in the moment. It had been years since he'd come unglued like this and he knew he owed Natalie an explanation but the words weren't coming. "Got a little tied up," he finally said, sarcasm oozing from every syllable, "with some redecorating."

She was used to his dry wit and it brought a half-smile to her lips. "Hmm, not exactly your best work." She gave his shoulder a squeeze before turning her attention to the destruction before her. The fear she'd felt at not being able to contact him had been replaced with sharp anxiety that something was definitely wrong. She'd thought it might have been a fight, something club-related. Now that she was standing next to him, touching his overheated skin, she was starting to get a clearer picture and what she saw was definitely unsettling. "Why don't you let me bandage you up," she finally said, "and then I can help get this place in order."

He almost told her that he was fine, that there was no need for her to fuss over him but the bottom of his foot was starting to throb the longer he was standing there putting pressure on it. When he shifted his weight, he could feel something digging in and the last thing he wanted to do was walk around with bits of dirty broken glass under his skin. JD found himself nodding, releasing that death grip on the basin as he turned to look at her. "Guess that'd be wise, huh?"

"I think so." She smiled at him before drifting away, starting to look around for the first-aid kit she knew would have to be on hand. It was almost hurting her face to fake that smile, but she didn't know what else to do. "Do you want me to help you get to a chair?" Since they'd reconnected, things had been easy and comfortable. Now she felt like she'd walked in on a stranger and that shift was scaring her in the worst sort of way. She didn't even want to think about what that meant.

"I'm fine," he murmured, watching her poking around for a moment before he realized what she was after. "It's under the sink... by the microwave. Big red bag. Can't miss it." He managed to make it over to the only chair that hadn't been demolished and plopped down with a sigh. He closed his eyes. Counted to ten and tried to focus on the sound of her rummaging in the cupboard.

She couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief when she was able to find the medical bag. Without saying much, she made a beeline back to him and knelt down, gently grabbing his foot and placing it on her knee. "Next time, why don't you let me help you redecorate?" She glanced up at him as she looked his foot over and went to work cleaning it. "I mean I love the crimson color on the floor, but surely there are safer ways to get it." Her jokes were stupid, but she wanted to calm the tension in the room.

He didn't laugh. Didn't realize she was teasing him until the silence had grown too awkward for him to respond. "Wasn't really..." he trailed off, not really knowing what to say in the effort to explain what he'd done. "It just kinda happened."

As she looked down at his foot, she furrowed her brow. "Something like this doesn't just happen." Lifting her eyes, she studied his face, hoping to figure out what was going on in his head. He seemed to be deliberately avoiding meeting her eyes. "So?"

"It does if you let your temper get the best of you," the words came out before he could check them and he hated the way that sounded. His head was pounding and he wasn't sure if it was lack of sleep or something else entirely. "Forgot to put my shoes back on before I started throwin' shit around – I know that's not what you're asking me though, is it?"

"You know it isn't." She'd put her focus back on tending to his foot, using the tweezers she'd found in the kit to pull a chunk of glass out of his heel. He didn't even flinch, still looking at that distant point over her shoulder and across the room – she wondered if that was the way he dealt with pain, if that was some stoic way of keeping from showing weakness. There were so many things she didn't know about him and while they'd all seemed inconsequential before, now she was starting to wonder.

"Yeah."

"I'm not going to push."

"Fine."

"I just want you to be safe – when I saw the blood, I thought-"

"I know." His eyes settled on hers for a moment, "didn't even notice when it happened – that's not what you want to hear either, is it?"

It felt like he was talking in riddles, like this was some horrible nightmare and she was going to wake up any moment, safe in bed with his arms wrapped around her. She knew better. The piece of glass pricked her finger before she dropped it. They'd gotten to such a strong place and the thought of changing that made it feel as though she got punched in the stomach. "Does it hurt? Do you need pain meds?"

"Not gonna say no to that." His chuckle was rough and bitter as he looked down at what she was doing, not really surprised that he didn't feel a thing registering past the throbbing in his temples. "Seventeen hours of sleep. Whole bottle of aspirin. I'll be fine." His gaze finally met hers, staying for more than a split second and there was a shadow there for a moment, something dark before he raked a hand through his hair and forced that crooked smile that she'd fallen in love with. "Time got away from me last night. Didn't mean to stand you up... promise that was the last thing on my mind when I came up here. Was just gonna have a little sit down for a few minutes. Next thing I knew it was three hours later and my phone wouldn't stop going off."

"Honestly? I fell asleep waiting. Eliza was snuggled up with me." She finished bandaging his foot and gave him a soft yet tired smile. Truthfully, her sleep the evening before hadn't been great. She'd been out of bed on and off throwing up. Part of her night had been spent sleeping on her bathroom floor. "How about if you just rest and I'll get this place cleaned up." She lifted herself to her feet and spotted his motorcycle boots under one of the torn couch cushions. Liberating those, she held them out to him and once he'd taken them, started looking around, trying to figure out the best way to tackle the damage.

"My mess-"

"I don't mind," she said, cutting him off. "Stay off that foot. I'll clean up this glass – is there a broom?"

"ShopVac in the closet." He looked up at her after pulling on his boots, trying to remember where his shirt had gotten to.

"Okay. That's even better. I'll do that and then I'll take you home and get you settled."

"Just need to get this headache to fuck off for a little while," he grumbled, looking at her now as if seeing her clearly for the first time since she'd arrived. "You look just as wrecked as I feel." Leaning forward, he caught her hand in his before she could rush off in search of that vacuum.

His hands felt cold but she smiled when he gave her fingers a gentle squeeze. "I'm fine."

"I'll... it's not a big deal. I'll get it cleaned up later. The glass'll be the worst. Have to board up that window for the time being, I guess." He shook his head, feeling like an idiot the more he looked around at the wreckage. The worst of it was that he didn't remember doing most of it, despite the torn-up knuckles that made it clear he had.

Natalie held onto his hand, for almost a few moments too long. "Honestly, I'm fine. Guess I don't sleep too good without you next to me. Eliza's snuggly, but not like you." She brought his hand up to her lips and kissed his scraped knuckles. "You can talk to me, y'know?"

"Yeah. Suppose I owe you an explanation. For what I said, I mean. Maybe... get me a beer and some of those headache pills you were talkin' about, and I'll see if I can make some sense of this shit in my head." He flashed her a tired smile, one that didn't even come close to reaching his troubled eyes.

"Absolutely." The knot in her stomach had traveled up to her chest as she found him a beer in the room's fridge and then rummaged through her purse where she kept a bottle of migraine pills. She wasn't prone to migraines but the pills were the only kind of over-the-counter meds that helped her headaches. Walking over to where he was, she took the cap off of the beer and poured a couple of pills into his hand. "Maybe I can help you come up with a solution to what's going on." She said this as she pulled up a nearby ottoman and took a seat on it.

Tossing the pills in his mouth, he chased them with a mouthful of beer, trying not to grimace at the conflict of the two before the pills slid down. "So..." he sighed and shook his head, "Jesus, I don't even know where to start."

She'd been watching him when it hit her. "Oh." That punch to the stomach was back and almost crippling. "Okay." He regretted taking things to a committed level with her – that was what he'd meant by 'mistake'. It didn't really explain why he'd torn this room apart with his bare hands; a part of her was sure she didn't want to know the rest of it and she cursed herself for not keeping one of her shields. "No worries, s'all good." She'd let herself actually believe this was it and she'd found her person.

A furrow creased his brow as his eyes narrowed and when he looked at her, she could see the confusion written all over his face. "What?" The dismay was there in her expression for a moment before she looked down and he could have sworn he felt the temperature in the room drop. He was cognizant enough to pick up where her mind had gone and it hit him hard. "Nat... baby, no. That's not even remotely what I was gonna say – you're not the mistake. This, right here, what I've got with you? That's the first good thing I've had in years." She still wasn't looking Really at him, "goddamnit, Natalie. Look at me, alright?"

Her head whipped up; her eyes slightly narrowed at him. "Then what mistake did you make?"

"My ex, the one I moved here with. She showed back up a couple days ago." He took another swig of beer, shaking his head slowly. "Should've told you. She was at the bar the other night, that night you were watching Mac's kids. Tried to buy me drinks all night. Could tell she wanted something, cozying up like that. Thought maybe she'd had a change of heart, decided wherever she got off to didn't suit her as well as the steady gig here did." He shrugged, "you're not the mistake, baby. Leah is. Should've made a clean break when she walked out. Don't know why I didn't..."

"Maybe because you still love me?" Natalie whipped her head around to see a tall blonde standing in the doorway. There was a smug smile on her face as she walked fully into the room. Looking down at Natalie, Leah shook her head before her gaze shifted back to settle on JD. "And you want a fresh start with me and our baby?" Leah's hands rested protectively over her stomach.

Turning her head back to look back at JD, Natalie waited for some sort of explanation. "What in the hell is going on?"

The urge to throw that half-full bottle of beer was there the moment Leah opened her mouth and it took all his self-control to force that anger back deep down inside himself. Instead he slowly lifted it to his lips and took a swallow, his eyes never leaving Natalie. "And that'd be why I broke some shit – gonna need a new phone, too. Pretty sure the old one's fucked." He tilted the bottle towards Leah, sarcasm dripping from every word. "Oh yeah. A fresh start. That's exactly what I was thinking about when I agreed to take this job, when I signed a lease on that shitty apartment... when I opted to settle down here, rather than drift off wherever the wind decided to take me."

"It's all worked out, Baby." Leah said as she kept her focus on JD. "I was stupid for leaving. It was the hormones and grief and I just freaked."

As the two were doing whatever dance this was, Natalie had managed to get to her feet. Her stomach was churning and her head felt as though it was suddenly filled with bricks. The room seemed to have gotten smaller as Leah had come into the room.

"I came back for you and our baby." The blonde looked as though she was on the verge of tears. "I'm sorry."

"Hearing that bullshit spilling out of your toilet's not good enough." JD moved to his feet and that darkness that Natalie had seen only a flicker of before was back. His lips were skinned back from his teeth in a smile that was more a snarl as he took a step towards Leah. "You wanna be sorry? I'll fuckin' show you what that looks like." The broken glass crunched under his boots as he finished off the beer in his hand before throwing the bottle at the far wall. When it exploded on impact, his lips twitched and that leer grew larger for a moment before vanishing altogether and the blank look that replaced it was far more chilling. "C'mere, dollface. Lemme show you just how much I truly care."

As much as she disliked the blonde, Natalie found herself instinctively getting in front of Leah. Her hands came out in front of her as she looked up at the man she'd fallen hard for. "JD... stop." She'd sensed he had a bit of darkness in him, but had never thought she'd see something like this. "Leah... you need to leave.... Now."

Leah Knix wasted no time in exiting the room, her feet pounding down the stairs. A moment later the sound of the slamming door downstairs cut through the silence. Natalie kept her eyes on JD, her hands still in place against his chest. She didn't move. Didn't even blink.

That malevolent glare locked on her instead and for a moment he just stared right back at her, as if he was trying to see right down to her soul. She could feel the tension radiating from him, could almost feel him shaking as he tried like hell to rein in that anger. For a moment, it felt like he was going to turn on her and then he reached up and wrapped his hand around her wrist. "You should go, too." The words came out softer than she'd expected and he broke eye contact. His hand dropped back to his side, the pressure of his fingers still there for a moment around her wrist before she realized he'd let her go.

Natalie wanted to argue, afraid of what he'd do if left alone again. However, at that moment, she was scared and wanted to be at home under blankets with her dog. She couldn't keep herself from asking, "if I leave... what are you going to do?"

He lifted his hand, scrubbing it across his lips and face before replying, refusing to look at her. "Clean up this mess. Get rid of this glass... and the broken table." He turned away from her, staring across the space, not really seeing any of it. "It'll be fine. Go home. I'll get this sorted and then I'll stop by." Even though the words sounded hollow, he seemed more in control when he turned back to look at her – it was easy to convince herself she'd imagined the whole thing if not for the wreckage around them.

She let her hands drop from his chest, taking a step back. Glass crunched and she saw JD wince, as if the sound hurt him in some way.

He closed his eyes for a second, dragging in a breath and holding it. "I won't do anything stupid, promise." Before she could say anything, he stepped in close to her and rested his hand on her cheek before leaning in to kiss her on the forehead. "It's okay – I'm okay. We're... I hope we still are."

She nodded, "you know the garage code. When you get there, just come in." For another moment she pressed her forehead against his and reluctantly pulled away to grab her purse. It terrified her to leave him alone, but the thought of staying frightened her far more.

JD stood there in silence, watching her pick her careful way to the door. "Hey," he said, his voice coming out a bit louder than he'd intended and she turned to look back, startled. "I love you. No matter what happens... that's not gonna change."

"I love you, too." She said it softly and then slipped out the door. She made it to the bottom landing before the tears finally fell and she wasn't sure whether it was just a release or the certainty that something between them had been irreparably changed. She could only hope that when he came by later, things were back to normal.