chapter eighteen

November 15, 2012 (off camera)

The kitchen of the house in Flagstaff was possibly able to be filed under 'disappointingly normal' considering the sort of reputation that a man like Gryphon had built over his career. Wood cabinets kept meticulously polished held their contents neatly, all precisely arranged. The spice cabinet had no door, but clever bars that swung out were in front of it where bunches of dried herbs waited to be used. The countertops looked newer than the cabinets, and there was a series of stoneware crocks with flour, sugar, and salt lined up against the wall near the stove but not too near. From the ceiling hung a wrought iron rectangle that pots and pans hung from, ranging in size and there were some expensive copper-bottom pots hanging next to some more traditional cast iron. The appliances were brand new, possibly something Sabra had wanted done since they had had to repair part of the house due to the vandal that had wrecked a few of the rooms, the stove and refrigerator had stainless steel fronts and the refrigerator even had an ice maker in the door. There was a separate freezer for meat, and a small cold box to keep fresh herbs in as well.

There were other small touches that made the kitchen seem almost homey, signs that Sabra lived here too. There was a set of salt and pepper shakers that looked like those old-fashioned Russian Matryoshka dolls, and seasonal themed potholders and kitchen towels. The wooden table in the center of the kitchen even had a small vase of the flowers she liked best, hydrangeas and lilies. On one of the counters was set out the things that she would be using to make breakfast - a large mixing bowl, a wire basket with fresh eggs, a carafe of milk and a container of softened butter. Sabra loved waffles, and had learned to cook them perfectly. It was the most 'American' food she knew how to make, though if Summer was there long enough she would teach Summer how to make Gozinakh, a walnut honey candy that was one of her most favorite things in the world.

Summer sat at the kitchen table, a smile on her face that was almost as bright as the sunshine coming in through the windows. Her knee bounced under the table, but she made no effort to still the restless movement. If she didn't have that, she might very well explode with nerves, being here in the kitchen of the legendary Gryphon. The first time she'd laid eyes on Gryphon had been years ago, watching him on television when he worked in the same promotion as the legendary Brad Jackson— Wild Bill and her uncle had insisted on watching every one of their former students compete and Kasey had always loved doing that with them.

When the opportunity to attend Gryphon's seminar had presented itself, she'd jumped at the chance. What had happened following had been even more of a godsend, despite the fact that Sabra had caught her in the middle of flipping out on Lex Collins and had dragged her off before she could do any real damage, the two women had bonded. It helped that Sabra was one of the nicest people she had ever met.

Blue eyes crinkling at the corners, Kasey stared at Sabra where she stood in front of the ingredients. "When you said 'waffles', I sorta thought we were going to Waffle House or something... I didn't realize you were gonna cook for me! This reminds me of Saturday mornings at the ranch— we always had these ginormous breakfasts with all the trainees before WBR and Uncle Billy split them off into groups for sparring. I don't think I've eaten a home-cooked meal like this since he died," a little shadow came across her face for a second and then her smile returned, "but this is nice. Really nice! I can't believe you invited me here, honestly."

Sabra picked up a plain little apron and flipped it before tying it just around her waist, grinning at Summer over her shoulder before she began cracking eggs into the mixing bowl with deft motions of her fingers that let no little shard of shell get into the bowl. "Waffle House is fantastic when you are on the road, but nothing is quite as tasty as a homemade one. Does it surprise you that I can cook?"

She paused to check that the waffle iron was heating nicely and then swabbed it with a little cooking oil before beginning to beat the eggs and add the other ingredients. "I suppose it might, most people think all I do is train for the ring or do things with… " a slight pause, as she knew he was very particular about who said his real name, "Gryphon. Do not get me wrong, I do all that… but cooking is almost as calming for me to do as yoga. I get a pleasure out of doing something like this, having it come out perfectly. It is almost Zen I suppose."

Summer nodded, "I get what you mean... I'm just not good at much else other than wrestling and Dance Dance Revolution. If not forMichelina's meals I would totes starve… no lie. I could burn water— and I once tried to microwave hot dogs and blew it up. The microwave I mean… sparks and everything."

Sabra paused and there was a quiet soft little chuckle that passed her lips, the corners of her mouth turned up just a little bit as she looked back at Summer. "Did you really? I never did anything like that, but I avoid using a microwave in the first place. It feels strange to me, to deliberately put radiation and food together. The lady that cooked for us when I was a child did everything from scratch, so that was how I learned."

She paused, and a slightly wistful look came over her. "She was a nice lady, at least. My mother could not be bothered to cook, she said that sort of work was beneath her. She acted like her parents had beendvoryanami, nobles or something. My mother is a bit of a… well, she is a real suki."

Kasey looked away, resting her chin on her hands as she glanced around the room. "I never really knew my mom. She died when I was really little... I don't really remember anything other than bits and pieces. I guess maybe that's why I feel so lost right now. I don't really have anyone I can just pick up the phone and ask for advice, you know?" She sighed, "I'm sorry I'm rambling, I just have all these things in my head and I feel like if I don't say some of them, I might actually go crazy."

Sabra nodded as she checked the waffle iron to make sure it was hot enough by flicking a drop or two of water on the plates and watching it sizzle. Satisfied she carefully poured just the right amount of batter before shutting it and turning to look at Summer. "I think I understand. It was very hard for me, to open up and trust people at least at first. I still sometimes feel out of my depth, when it comes to… other people."

She shook her head just a little. "So I just decided to be myself, and try. So far, so good?" She held up a hand and showed her fingers crossed for luck. "I do not know if I could ever give the kind of advice that you might really need, Summer. But know that you can always call me. That may not be much, but I think sometimes it is good to have even that."

The young girl nodded, letting her hands fall back to the tabletop, "honestly, sometimes that's all I really need. I feel really, really alone sometimes and I feel kinda pathetic when I'm calling Christian at all hours just to tell him that I'm lonely or that I wish Kyle would call me. I think everyone out there gets the wrong idea when they see me hanging around, following him like a lost puppy."

"Tell me if I am overstepping, Summer… but… you should never feel pathetic calling on a friend. I know you like him, and you must or you would not trust him enough to do so since I do not see you looking at him with lovelorn glances and heavy dramatic sighs." She impishly put her hand to her forehead as if she might swoon, then gave Summer a more serious look.

"Frankly I do not see the appeal in him. He strikes me as rather…khor'ka nravitsya. Ferret-like. But yet I see so many otherwise exceptionally strong willed women following him around like some sort of cult. So evidently I have missed something." A tiny shrug, she wasn't trying to offend Summer, but she was never one to be coy.

Kasey giggled at the comparison, shaking her head. "He has this way of making you feel special. He tells me all the time that he likes seeing me smile and that he just wants to look out for me. I know, a lot of people think he's a player but I've just never really seen him like that. He's always been wonderful and kind to me and he never, ever tried to take advantage of me. He totally could have, too because I would have jumped at the chance and I think he knew that from the first time he found me in Cody's bed. He's always been total gentleman, even when he tried to be helpful in finding me a place to live in Florida," she frowned for a second, "although he kinda jumped the gun in telling Kyle."

The light on the iron went on, and Sabra opened it up to check the waffle. It was a perfect golden color and she carefully removed it with a fork before starting another, plating it for Summer with some fruit before taking it over to her. "There's syrup in the cabinet behind you." Sabra paused, looking at her curiously. "I had wondered a bit, at the time why he felt it was his place to tell Kyle or anyone else your business before you could. I am not attacking him, but he is not your man to make such sure statements on your behalf. Even if he were your man he should have respected you enough to let you do it. That he did not makes me feel there was something he had to gain from doing it. Sometimes, Summer, the 'good guys'? They are not."

"He," she blushed, looking down at the golden waffle on her plate before reaching to get the syrup Sabra had mentioned. She poured some over the breakfast treat, making sure every little nook was filled, "sometimes I feel like he wants to be my guy. He says things and I just don't really know how to take them. He's told me a bunch of times that he loves me, and I just..." she laughed softly, the sound almost embarrassed, "I just don't know what I'm supposed to say when he's got Tabatha and Emma and Kelly and god knows who else spending their time with him. I see the way they look at him and I know that he must be saying the same things to them... but when he says those words, I just want to believe so bad, you know? I want it to be real even for a few seconds... even if he doesn't really mean it the same way I do. And maybe, what he did with Kyle was crossing a line he thought he could because I joined Club CK, or maybe he thought it was okay because I lost an earring in his bed— it doesn't really matter because it's done now. I think it was bound to happen anyhow because there was already some weird tension there but it's not really something I can dwell on because I have to focus on beating Katherine Stryfe."

Sabra listened as Summer spoke, and while the words seemed randomly strung together she followed them easily enough. She was smart enough to piece together a bit more than Summer might have intended to reveal to her, but there was one thing Sabra was not, and that was judgmental. She understood better than most that sometimes you had to do things, things you might not necessarily have when the circumstances turned that way. She waited a few moments until she was sure Summer was finished before she spoke. "There are some men… well, to be fair some people I suppose that are just so lonely that they can never have enough. Enough friends. Enough lovers. Enough… anything. But they never really seem to fully open their heart enough to really love. They never give of themselves except for the easy words, the charming lies, the empty promises and smiles because they do not want to invest themselves enough to risk. In the pursuit of filling the void, they forget that you have to risk or what you have is ephemeral, fleeting at best. It is hard, to open yourself up like that. It is hard to be brave. I was terrified when I realized that I had told Gryphon I loved him, because of everything he has gone through. But in the end, I realized that the advice that was given to me by a man I respect more than anything was right. Do not live your life with regret, and I would have regretted forever never telling him."

She cut a bite of the waffle and speared a strawberry, bringing it up to her mouth. Savoring it for a second, she chewed and swallowed before replying. "Jax told you that didn't he? I can tell 'cause that's the sort of stuff he always tells me. Keeps telling me that I need to live life without regrets because it's too short to go around half-assing everything," she frowned, "I think that's how he put it anyhow. Everything gets jumbled up in my head sometimes but he's a good person. He's told me a lot of stuff like how I shouldn't feel like it's the end of the world just because I lost the stupid TV title to Lightning—" she broke off, taking a breath and abruptly shifting the subject back to the original thought. "You know what? Everyone can see that you and Gryphon are meant to be together, Sabra. The way he looks at you when you're not watching... it's like something from an old movie."

Sabra smiled, thinking back to that conversation and she nodded. "It was. He opened my eyes with those words, and that is the truth." She looked down, and there was a hint of pink on her cheeks. Sabra blushing? Then she smiled very softly, "do you think so, really? Sometimes I wonder because he is not the type to say. But his actions toward me, they tell me louder than any words."

"Actions are everything," Summer nodded sagely. "Seriously, a guy can say all the junk he wants but if he doesn't even take the time to call and ask how your training is going…" she shook her head, "anyhow, I don't think so. I know so. He looks at you the same way that Mr. Gowan was looking at Mr. Nottingham when they were teaching that session. It's hard to explain, but it's like respect mixed with something else." She sighed, "I wish I could find someone who looks at me like that. I don't even know if I'm still going out with Kyle or not. He's so busy we barely talk to each other anymore. I roundabout asked him if he was going to come watch Anarchy— I even had them set aside a ticket for him, but he never really gave me a straight answer. I guess that's stupid, right? He'll be there because..." she cut another forkful of waffle and then stared at it as she mumbled, "Samara is wrestling so he'll be there for her."

Sabra turned and checked her own waffle, a slight laugh as it had gotten a little more done than the other while they had talked. She plated it with some strawberries for herself before moving to join Summer. "You will, I believe. When the time is right, you are going to be open for it. I do not see in you, someone that will close herself away from love just because things have been confusing. Though I have to think that if you are questioning if you and Kyle are dating, then you likely are not. Talk to him, if he is worth it. He… well, I do not have a high opinion of Kyle after he lost Adam and then refused to bail him out of jail or tell anyone what was going on."

She paused, looking a little conflicted. "And we will leave aside how he acted when Adam was trapped in Japan. They have known each other since college, and the way Kyle and Gavin talk to him? I feel sorry for Adam that he still bothers to speak to either. He does not seem trustworthy to me, and you deserve better than that in my eyes. No one that cares for you should always be 'so busy' that they cannot take the time to call and see how you are. You are worth more than that."

She didn't say anything for a while, focusing on gobbling up half of the waffle and most of the fruit before she looked up to Sabra again. "Sometimes I seriously doubt the truth of that statement, you know? Is that pathetic or what?"

Sabra shook her head and reached across the table to touch the tip of her finger to Summer's forehead. "Not pathetic, just human. But trust, Summer. I simply tell you what I see, and what I see is someone that is worthwhile. Someone that is capable in what she does, and that has the ability to make things happen. You are a good person, and you deserve someone that can see what I do when I look at you. I happen to believe that it is possible. Anything is, after all… I had to travel half the world and accidentally meet the one person that I think understands me fully… and cares anyway."

Her eyes widened, "you met him on accident? OHMYGOD you have to tell me the story! Please, please?!"

Sabra suddenly grinned, then looked down at her plate a moment, pushing a strawberry around with her fork. She looked up at Summer and laughed very softly, "I had finally come to America you see, and I had not quite decided what I wanted to do. So on impulse I took a bus tour. The bus was filled with a lot of very old people…" she wrinkled her nose and laughed just a little. "The first time I saw him, was in the middle of a downpour at a rest area. He was railing at the sky as if he were arguing with God himself. I thought that was strange, as you can imagine! But then, much to my surprise as we were going through Arizona? We had stopped again so that we could do a little sightseeing and there he was, coming out of a church and he paused by his car, that Oldsmobile you have seen out front?"

Sabra suddenly giggled, and there was a delighted shine in her eyes. "And then he turned and gave the priest coming out the middle finger. I knew then it was the same man, and something told me that I needed to go and speak with him. We talked a little, and he asked me if I wanted to learn how to fight."

There was a bit more to the story than that, but Sabra dissolved into more laughter. "It was the singularly most unusual meeting I have ever had in my life."

The grin on Kasey's face was definitely summery as she looked at Sabra, watching her laugh at the memory. "That's a good story... hella romantic, too. He looks at you and asks if you want to learn how to fight and then... you fell in love with him while he was training you! It's like a movie or something!"

Sabra's tone softened, and there was some memory in her eyes that she didn't share, though she did smile just a little. "Someone once said we were like Beauty and the Beast, though they meant it as an insult. But when I look at his scars, and know all he has gone through? I am proud of him because he survived it all, he lived through it and… it was like he did, just for me even though he did not even know I existed. I know that is… very silly, most likely. But that is how I feel."

She nodded though, as though Sabra's words made perfect sense. "No, I don't think that's silly at all. Maybe, the scars that you can see on him are just as bad as the ones that hide in you... right? So maybe you're just seeing that mirror image, like you guys are soulmates. I believe in that, I really do. There's someone out there who's the perfect compliment for you. And once you find them, you know because everything just clicks perfectly."

Sabra smiled, that wistful quality back again. "I wish it were that easy and perfect… but when the right one is there, it is worth whatever you go through for them. That much, I know in my own heart. For me, it is him."

"I thought it..." she blushed, looking down at her plate as she stabbed her fork into a juicy berry. "For a while, I thought it was Lex— you know, Lyv's brother? We had one of those meet-cute moments like from a movie. He was training with my uncle after he joined EWC, just to get back in shape for wrestling after doing the boxing thing in Vegas for a while. So he's there, running on the treadmill and then just as I walk over, he slips, falls off and then he barfed all over my shoes. It was gross… but totally awesome because I kinda already knew who he was— he was on some of the tapes I'd watched from when Jax was wrestling in Chicago so I knew who he was. I mean, how can you not remember those eyes of his? So, then he was getting booked in EWC— he took me on the road with him because it was summer break for me and... for a while it was really, really awesome but then it turned to shit. There was a fire, and the cops thought he did it because there were some nasty voicemails Lex left on Uncle Billy's machine—about me— they fought a bunch because Uncle Billy caught us making out in the gym and I wasn't eighteen yet. They were fighting about me and then I dumped him after they showed his picture on the news and said he was being sought in connection with the fire..." she trailed off, shaking her head. "My life is so freakin' dramatic all the time and all I want is a nice, calm relationship or something that isn't like people wanting to kill people and all sorts of Internet drama!"

Which explained a few things for Sabra, like the fight she had broken up between Summer and Lex… the shades of old ghosts of the past being exorcised maybe. Sabra tipped her head a little as she listened, and she finished her waffle before she spoke, licking the last drop of syrup from her fork before setting it down. "It does get overwhelming at times, when you are like… a storm of energy. Sometimes people draw us into drama and sometimes drama likes to chase us with a hammer. What matters is that you want something simple. Something that gives you comfort from the stress of being someone who is on camera and 'famous'. Not someone that adds to the stress. Personally I do not think that is too much to want, and I believe too that you will find someone like that. Knowing you, it will be the most unlikely place in the world that it happens."

Summer cocked her head for a few seconds, a smile creeping over her lips, "you know, I think it's the accent. Everything you say sounds like the smartest thing ever and it's like... you totally get what I'm saying. Everything… you're… kinda a genius, you know?"

Sabra laughed at that, shaking her head. "At least you do not think I am a spy, like certain paranoid others… but I do think that get what you are saying. Nothing you want is beyond your reach, Summer. You just have to have a little faith that it will happen for you. I think it will; now you just have to believe it too."

She smiled, nodding. "Believe it and it'll come true. I think I can do that. I seriously do." She dug into the remains of her waffle with gusto, finishing it off before she looked back up. Maybe the first step in her continued journey was to make peace with the past and apologize for her mistakes. "I think I'm gonna go to Portland," she said suddenly, "if I'm gonna keep working on becoming a better me then I owe someone a pretty huge apology. That's a good step in the right direction!" She dipped her finger into the syrup and brought it up to her lips, smiling at Sabra as she nodded.

If she could fix the things that were wrong with her, maybe she could get the rest of her dreams to fall in line. Maybe she could win that Evolution Championship shot, and finally decide whether or not her messy relationship with Kyle was even worth saving.