paw #1

The cab turned into the familiar gated community and Kasey Summers felt a palpable sense of relief that had been sorely lacking since she'd impulsively booked a ticket the night before. She hadn't told Ak until the last minute – he was so busy these days, she was starting to feel a little like it was a competition for his time. She'd spun a white lie, said she needed to go to Arizona to get something she would need for her match.

Pulling up the message on her phone, she stared at it again, shaking her head, trying to find some sort of meaning in the terse message: Sybyl is out. Now it's just you versus Hunter Storms.

Maybe this was what they called cabin fever. Maybe she'd had to flee because that creepy theme park had been too much. She'd never been a fan of fun houses – clowns gave her the creeps and jump scares were even worse. She'd braved the mirror maze simply because she'd been wandering the midway for an hour before Wolfe had started tweeting, desperate to find something to do.

A singles match was better than trying to wrap her head around how to deal with this leather strap nonsense. How was she going to fly if she had an anchor in this damned strap? How in the hell were the turnbuckles going to be her partner? Was she supposed to tag out for a breather? What happened with the strap then?

"Friggin' stupid," she muttered, glad the music playing from the front seat was loud enough to drown her out. The last thing she wanted to do was offend the cab driver.

Hunter Storms. Did he even have a match before BFW closed its doors? She'd had a hell of a time trying to even get access to any footage of previous BFW shows online. It was like things were slowly vanishing – she'd tried to make a joke about that Star Trek: TNG episode about the warp bubble and Beverly Crusher's shrinking universe. That's how it felt. Like things were slowly disappearing and she was the only one aware of the phenomenon. 

"I'm so boned. For reals. I can't... God, he's going to be so fed up with me. I know it." She scrolled through her contacts, checking her messages. Nothing from him but that wasn't surprising. He didn't keep his phone on him when he was working, after all.

Wish you were here, she typed, immediately erasing it. Instead of sending anything to Ak, she pulled up Larry Gowan's Twitter name and fired off a private message, glad she didn't have to worry about brevity there.

Hey so I have this match coming up and I'm kinda freaked out. I know you don't really do the silly gimmick things but I've never done a strap match before. And this one is a strap and a tag match but it's just me against this other guy and the turnbuckles are supposed to be our partners and I'm just really lost. I don't really know how to deal with that. Any advice would be great. You know, when you're not busy. And hi. I hope your new training job is treating you well. Devon Cole is great. He trained Claire and she's amazeballs!

She hit send, not expecting an immediate reply. She knew him well enough to know he'd come through with something helpful, even if he didn't have the answer in his own vast library of personal knowledge. The logistics were baffling, even thinking about it now made her head start to ache again and she didn't dare ask anyone PUBLICLY about it for fear of looking like a moron. The last thing she wanted to do was humiliate herself before the debut or worse yet, make them question what a veteran – what a legend like Ak – saw in some brainless, hopeless spaz like Kasey Summers.

"Summer," she whispered, correcting herself. One name. Just like his. 

"Sure is," the cabbie remarked, startling her. "Gonna be a hot one tomorrow, too. That'll be twenty-six ninety-five."  

"Oh." Her eyes widened as she realized they were sitting in the driveway of a very familiar house. She handed him three crumpled tens and then added a five for good measure. "Sorry. Totally spaced out there for a bit. Kinda still on east coast time." 

Climbing out of the cab, she pushed the over-sized sunglasses up on her head, staring at the house for a good minute or more, overcome with a sort of terrified nostalgia. It had actually been FOUR years since she'd last been here. So many things had changed since then. She'd gone through three companies since then. She'd recovered from an injury that could have completely ended her career. Swallowing hard, she grabbed the donut-covered backpack that Ak had bought her in the UK, slinging it over her shoulder before she closed the door.

Cheaper than paying for therapy sessions, she thought to herself, feeling the hot sun warm the top of her head as she marched up the walk. At least here in Arizona – back on home turf – there wasn't any sign of that disgusting, oppressive humidity that always made her feel like she was pushing her way through warm water. The door opened before she made it to the porch and she couldn't help the leap of joy in her chest as she lifted her hand, waving enthusiastically at the sight of former wrestler Sabra Nikolayev – Kellar now – standing there with a smile on her face. "SABRA! OHMYGODHEYIT'SBEENFOREVERANDHOWAREYOU?!"

The words came out in a breathless rush as she broke into a run, almost bowling her over with a hug before she took a breath, repeating herself more slowly. "Oh my God... hey. It's been forever and how are you? I mean, how are the kids? How big are they now since the last time I saw you guys and how's Gryph and how's your cousin and what have you been doing for the last..." she trailed off, running out of air. "Oh man. Sorry. I'm just... super happy to see you. I guess I didn't realize how much I missed you... how much I missed being around here until now. It's so GROSS where we are now. So nasty humid and swampy and it's just... the air smells weird."

Sabra chuckled softly, her once normally stoic expression having softened since Kasey had seen her last. She let Kasey wind down as she hugged her back tight before releasing her. The changes in the Russian were subtle but definitely there, that hard edge she seemed to have honed herself to for combat set aside though she was no less fit. That slight accent was instantly soothing when she replied. "The boys are tall, more like six year olds than they should be, I am often asked when they will start school and they are too young. Rosalie is growing too, I think you will be surprised."

She paused, a twist of her lips that was wry but the humor in her eyes was warmer than that would suggest. "Mikhail? He married his Princess, they are doing well. Shawn is..." she trailed off, considering. "He is Shawn, but carries less tension now-a-days, you will see. Since he settled up with those certain ones, and burned all the loose ends." A light chuckle as she brushed her fingers over Kasey's cheek. "We missed you, of course."

She didn't bother to ask what the cryptic comment meant. It was better not to know what loose ends the man she knew as Gryphon had left the country to deal with. It was easier to pretend they were all just athletes instead of considering the alternative. Kasey looked up at her, that big, bright smile on her face although her eyes were almost brimming with tears. She tried her best to play it off, to pretend that crumble was just a sort of homesickness more than the fact that she was terrified her life was yet again on the brink of falling apart. "I'm a terrible friend. I should've come to visit the moment you guys got back."

Sabra clicked her tongue against her teeth, making a soft chiding sound. "Kasey. Just because one does not see a friend every day, does not mean that person ceases to be dear. Do not... quantify, Kasey. But do come in, out of this heat."

The petite redhead ducked her head abashedly before following Sabra inside, letting out a soft exhale as the perfectly cool air-conditioning washed over her. "Yeah, you're right. I guess I'm just used to all these people I see online talking about seeing their friends every day – girls' nights out and all that nonsense. Maybe they're the weird ones and we're doing it right? I mean, am I wrong for putting the focus on my rehab and my training and... and... stuff?"

Sabra chuckled, looking over her shoulder at Kasey for a moment. "We are always right, Kasey. You know how I feel about too many people around. Always there is one who ends up begging to get hurt." She gestured towards a hallway off of the living area, as she led her toward the kitchen. "I left the door to your room open, if you want to put your bags away while I make tea."

"My..." the caught her by surprise and now she understood why Sabra had said to bring a change of clothes. "Really? You mean you'd be okay with me staying? I mean... I could just stay in a hotel. I wouldn't want to be..." she paused, mumbling as she pushed her glasses back up her nose, "in the way and junk."

Sabra made a noise. "When have I ever said things I do not mean? But if you think you cannot sleep with the noise the children can create I would not blame you for wanting the peace of a hotel despite the scratchy sheets."

"And the ice machine and banging doors and pipes that rattle in the walls and feet pounding up and down the hall and vacuuming when you're trying to sleep – hotels are super noisy too." Kasey looked up, the backpack dangling from her fingers now. "Last few times I booked rooms on either side just to make sure I had quiet." She nodded to herself, wondering what Ak was going to think if she didn't come back until Monday or Tuesday. "Yeah. Staying a couple days...I think that would be really good. I think maybe that's exactly what I need."

Her lips quirked with a hint of smile and she moved through to the kitchen. "Good. Then tomorrow we can make waffles, if you remember how?" Sabra started getting the things down for tea, the arch of her brow showing she was teasing. "Tonight I believe Shawn will be grilling things. Meat, vegetable packs... you like those, correct?"

Kasey giggled, nodding her head as she sat down at the table. "Oh yes. I definitely remember how to make waffles. I still do them the way you taught me. They never really taste as good as they did that last time we made them... here... but I think maybe I'm okay with that? Because needing to come here for perfect waffles is kinda incentive, right?!"

"A good word." A huff of sound that passed for a laugh. "Sugar for your tea, or would you rather something else?" Sabra's hand paused over the sugar dish. "Are you well, Kasey? I heard through the usual sources you had been wrestling again."

"I..." there was something telling in that hesitation before she chose to answer the first question instead, "do you have any lemon? I'm kinda on this huge citrus kick right now. And I'm sorta avoiding carbs. Trying to go back to being as vegan as I can."

"I am sure we do, and limes as well for those drinks Shawn makes with the blender." A pause, as she looked her over and her eyes narrowed, calculating. "There might be some sliced in the fridge." A distinct, longer pause. "Is it not going as planned?"

She dragged in a deep breath, knowing it was all going to come pouring out. Talking to Sabra was like chatting with the big sister she'd never had and always wanted growing up. "Well, I tried to get back into things with that Fear & Loathing place once I got the all clear on my neck. You know, that place was that developmental territory for Sin City that Conor Blackburn was running and... well... it didn't pan out so well. And I'd kinda already joined BFW before it went under so I landed on my feet, unlike Landon and a couple others. I think Grace and Bruce found a new place to tag though. Do you remember Bruce MacLeod? He got married to this really great girl named Grace... and... um... well so BFW seemed like it was going to be perfect. I was gonna maybe tag with Akragth and that was really, really promising. He had this group called The Order with this guy named Sinister Minister and like you should have seen when he introduced me to the crowd. There was so much heat and this Zombie guy was throwing so much shade and I handled him so easy it was like... silk. It was like FFW was cheap polyester by comparison and I couldn't believe how awesome it was starting off. Like I had two matches. I kicked all sorts of ass and it felt like really... maybe... FFW was a bad dream. Like that glass ceiling was imaginary and... BAM!"

She smacked her palm against the table, "BFW closed its doors. Out of the blue fuck of left field so it was like I hauled ass to Boston for nothing and then... I thought, okay, so maybe this is a pause, right? Like just a little blip so... refocus. Train a bit more. And then like Wolfe and Mikael and Hunter Storms and a bunch of others from BFW were talking about this place in Louisiana that's run from an amusement park and then... like next thing I know they offered Ak a job being their head trainer and it was like... I guess now I'm going to Louisiana? I mean, I moved to Boston to be with him so... so like it was logical to sign with the place too? So I did. I didn't really shop around much. Should I have?" She stopped, red-faced, dragging in a breath, "it's just like now I'm worried and I feel like I'm just along for the ride, you know? Like did they even want me? They told me I wouldn't be on any shows until after Bad Moon Rising which is on my birthday and then like now I have a match this week and I'm just... what if I'm actually an afterthought? What if I'm riding coat-tails? What if they..." she stopped, shaking her head because she couldn't bring herself to articulate the worst thought ever. What if they didn't actually want her at all?

"Say to me again, this last thing, while I look right at you." Sabra poured the water into two large stoneware mugs, the pyramid shaped tea bags sitting in the bottom of each cup, releasing their fragrance with the steam. She brought them to the table with the sugar bowl, and had retrieved both a lemon and a knife which she used to section it quickly and efficiently while keeping her eyes on Kasey.

"I feel lost," Kasey confessed slowly, thinking that perhaps her long-winded ramble was getting lost in the translation. Sometimes she forgot that Sabra's first language was Russian, not English. "Lost in the shuffle. Like... uhm... like maybe... they only took me because they didn't want to piss off Ak? Is that possible? I don't... I don't know."

"Ah." A short, soft exhale as she added a bit of sugar to her tea. "And so, you will show them that they are incorrect for this, Kasey." She made it a statement, and not a question just by her inflection. "Perhaps, I am wondering why you chose something so...local, as well. This man must be something, because you and I both know you could go somewhere with a much higher profile."

"I could... maybe. 2014 Kasey could in a heartbeat. She could have dealt with something bigger than FFW even. But now? I don't... I don't know I can." She reached for one of the lemon wedges, squeezing it slowly into her tea, stalling before her voice came out small. "What if I wipe out again? What if this time it actually kills me? I think... smaller is safer, you know? No travel. And... I mean... Ak will be right there so I won't have to..." the 'be alone when it happens' stuck in her throat but Sabra nodded. Of course she'd understood that unspoken fear. "He's something. He really is." The shift in her tone when she said that made it clear just how far gone she was for the man. 

A gentle, almost, quirk of her lips. "I understand then." Sabra reached over, that elegant hand that had dealt out so much pain to others in the past gentle as she brushed it over Kasey's hair. "While you are here, you and I will be taking a hike up into the mountains." A sip of her tea as she considered something. "And we will go and find, what you have lost."

Kasey lifted her tea to her lips. They both pretended not to see how much her hand was shaking – she was grateful Sabra hadn't drawn attention to that, or the tears that were back to threatening to ruin her carefully applied eye makeup behind her glasses. "I..." she took a sip, swallowing hard, realizing that white lie she'd told Ak had suddenly become the truth. "I'd like that. A lot."